Mexico, Here I Come.

Ok, so we planned this trip before we realized it would also be the weekend we'd be moving.

And instead of looking forward to it, it became this logistical nightmare.
No, we couldn't move earlier or later.

Nick said there was no way we should both be sitting at home while the trip (partly already paid for) went on without us, and since it's my tradition with my brother, I should go. I said I wouldn't feel right about partying in Mexico while he's at home schlepping what is mostly my stuff anyway.

So I'm going by myself, and coming back tomorrow night.
(And another trip with all of us is in the works, 'cause if anybody should have a vacation to Mexico, it's my Knickers.)

Anyway, this morning was the first time since we found out that we're moving that I've been able to think of this as anything but a logistical nightmare.

I'm going to Mexico, baby!
I can taste the street tacos already!

(Sidenote - Oddly enough, "street tacos" is not a euphemism for anything. It actually means a taco purchased from a street vendor. Huh. Odd. Seems like it should mean something else.)

Tonight, I will be sitting in a hot tub with a swim-up bar and a view of the Pacific Ocean. Tomorrow, I will be bartering for churros, silver bracelets and possibly a small burro.
Ahhhhh. Life as it should be.

I leave you with this song.
It's about the new year, three wishes, and good times arriving.
And it's my wish for you.

But Is 2007 Ready For ME?

Last year I posted a long list of resolutions.
Damn good ones, and I did a damn good job of keeping them.
So, as my reward, I have no resolutions this year.

Not that there is no longer any room for improvement (ha! hardly) but would you want to live in a house that was in a constant state of remodel? I think not.

This year, it's not about how I can make myself better in 2007, it's how 2007 can be better to ME.
2007 is my bitch, yo.

And here's what I want from 2007.

• Flowers
• Vacations
• All debt paid off
• Dancing

It occurs to me after re-reading my list that 2007 will be not so much my bitch as my sugar daddy.

*shrugs*

I can accept that.

'Nother Question

Why the hell don't I remember to unlock the door in the mornings here at work? I've only been doing it every single work day for the last three years. But no, I only remember once some poor coworker tries to open the door and almost yanks their arm off 'cause the door is heavy so they really wind up before they pull and then they drop everything when the door doesn't move and it's actually kinda funny and I think I've figured it out, never mind.

YouTube Video Of The Day

From one of my favorite dumb movies, Amazon Women on the Moon.

Question

Why is that, even when my purse is so heavy with quarters that it would double as a weapon, do I hesitate to pay for my drink with change, for fear that the cashier working nights at 7-11, the one with the smoker's cough and a hand twitch, will be silently judging me?

A Letter To Me!

(From 'Rezzie, on my birthday.)


First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I heard this latest birthday was giving you a bit of trouble, was a bit of a shock, and so I thought, as an experienced (yet still new enough that I forget how old I am) 26 yr old, I could tell you a thing or two.

Being 26 means you're in the last year of your mid-twenties. You're not yet in your late twenties. Nothing to panic about.

Being 26 has nothing to do with cartoons, colouring, or eating candy. (nothing to do with, as in it's ok if I still indulge in all three?)

Being 26 means you are younger than 30, which means there is still lots of time to have that I'm 30 yrs old crisis, and you can decide how you'll want to handle that when it happens. (I think I'll plan to handle the crisis with a lot of lollipops)

Being 26 means you've officially passed that crazy part of life where you do things because you feel like doing them even though they're completely ridiculous, and if you really think about it it's really the crazy hormones who are making you yell you're not even angry or anything, why are you being so unreasonable?

Being 26 doesn't mean you look your age. I'll bet you still get carded, don't you Veaj. (Carded? I get asked by old ladies if I'm excited about school starting back up and whether or not I like gym class)

Being 26 marks the over-two-year blogaversary. You've been blogging for years! You can say that now! Years with an "s"! Not that you couldn't months ago, but now it's a healthy two years. It's OVER two years. You know. I'm sure you know what I mean. (Which makes my longest relationship with ........ well, you guys. Sweet.)

Being 26 means you can start thinking about grownup things without it being ridiculous. Like having children, which is absolutely ridiculous at age 25. Well, not really, but you're older, hopefully wiser, and generally in a better position to care for children yourself now. Since you want children, I mention it. You can be more comfortable with the idea now. (That's true. I do find the idea of being someone's mother ever so slightly less terrifying now.)

Being 26 means you have a lot of things to look forward to in your life. You're going to love being in your 50s, 60s, 70s... why not 20s, 30s, 40s? The mystery is what makes it exciting to live.

Being 26 means you learn more about what you want out of life, and you filter out the bullshit that you feel like you have to go through when you're younger. You don't have to waste your time on people you don't appreciate or who don't appreciate you. You have real friends and they love you. I'm pretty sure you have a firm toehold on that whole concept, but it's one of those things that usually come with time, so... you know.

Being 26 has nothing to do with the average age people get married these days, which is 31. (Oh, no worries there. To be married at 26 would be a very sensible and boring thing to do. To be married younger is reckless and romantic, to be married later is quieter and sweeter, but to be married at 26? Boring.)

Being 26 just means being a dork is better. The older you get, the better it is to be a dork. You're just stepping into your prime!

Being doesn't mean there are new rules or anything. We make our own rules. There are no rules. (Wooooooooooohooooooooo!)

Being 26 means you might get to meet me. Because I have a good feeling about this year. Well, it doesn't really mean you might get to meet me, because it may be a bit longer, but it definitely means we're closer to meeting each other. HOW COOL IS THAT! I still get excited when I plan it. In the near future, distant future. I don't know, but... you know.

Being 26 means you join the ranks of the likes of Mr Jonny Opinion, Miss Kendra, and Rezzie. We may very well be the three coolest people you know. (True, you might very well be the coolest people I know. Remind me to send you guys your tiaras and sashes.)

So all in all... being 26? It's really not all that bad. It's actually pretty ace. Awesome. Yeah!

So Happy Birthday, VeaJae. I love you!

Rezzie

PS. *looks to left, looks to right, quickly waves in a justice of the peace, a walrus, three giraffes, a hippo, a baby moose, thirty guests and a cake, marries VJ inconspicuously while she plays with the moose*

My Favorite Comedian

New Game.

Here is the game.

You must make up an original conspiracy theory.
Google is the judge.

It's harder than you'd think.


Was Jack the Ripper really the Loch Ness Monster?


There is a separate category for finding out some guesses are actually true, like some blogs are written by pigeons and that Japan is making robotic alligators.

It's All Very Gift Of The Magi, O. Henry-esque.

I set my sewing bag, the one with the stuff to make Nick's present (flannel pjs and a robe) on the external hard drive thingy of his computer.
Well, Nick says I might have set it next to it, and it might have been him that actually set it ON the hard drive. But he's just saying that to make me feel better.
It's my fault, I'm sure.

His hard drive is dead.

Moment of silence, please.


*bows head*


So Nick was making me some mix cds, because Nick has extraordinary taste in music (and girlfriends), but all the music is gone now.

It's a wonder he still loves me.
I suck.

It's A Wonder He's Not Afraid Of Me, Since Everytime I Look At Him, I Say, "Bunny! I Have A Bunny!" Like, Really Loudly. I Can't Help It.

He's not scared of me though. I don't think he's afraid of anything.
My bunny ROCKS.

Reading The Tea Leaves

(And by that I mean the tag on the teabag, but it sounds less interesting that way.)

"Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather and their own content."
-Paul Valery

Overlap.

*lying in the early morning darkness*

Sarah Smile - "I was dreaming that I was being chased by aliens who disguised themselves as cops. I could fly, but none of my friends could, so it was kinda worthless. I was hiding in the crawl space under a church with Luca, trying to hold him down, when I woke up."

My Nick - "I was dreaming that I was working in The Office, and I was about to hit on Pam, but then you hit me in the face and woke me up."

Christmas 2006

All is calm, all is bright....







Sleep in heavenly peace.

I Had So Much Fun Untying the Ribbons ....

......... on Bunny's present to me, and tying them to my pigtails as festive hair bows, that it wasn't until a half hour later that I remembered the present itself and actually opened it.

Here's a rear view mirror shot of the festive hair bows.

I'll play bad cop.

Sarah Smile - "He'll live longer and have fewer problems if we do it."

My Nick - "What sort of problems?"

Sarah Smile - "Like me punching him in the neck when he humps my leg, for one thing."

My Nick - "Yeah."

Sarah Smile - "Don't think of it as a cruel surgery, think of it as an arranged marriage to an invisible dog."

My Nick - "I know we have to do it, I just don't think I'll have the heart to bring him in. I'll cry."

Sarah Smile - "Tell you what. I'll take him in. You can pick him up, and be the hero that rescues him from the vet. K?"


*pause*


Sarah Smile - "I'll see if we can pay the vet tech extra, so you can pretend to punch her in the face, so Luca will think you were really opposed to it all along."

We Three Kings

Following yonder star, up on the hill, Nick, Luca and I set out to see the Christmas lights on Christmas Eve.

Funny how the addition of Christmas lights makes all the other normal lights seem even more festive. The lights on the airstrip next to our place, they reminded me of when I was a kid and I visited my Gramie's house a week after a fire had ripped through the area, and the flowers were starting to grow back in, bright colors against the coal black of the ground. The Christmas lights on the long, low ranch houses on the hill, from a distance looked like tiaras on the draped black velvet of a jewelers case. As you might be able to guess from the above description, there might have been a wee bit 'o schnapps in my cider mug.

It was a bit of a hike, but we loved every minute. Luca made a bajillion new friends. Luca is so used to everyone wanting to pet him, that he doesn't wait for them to ask, he just greets everyone who passes. We even met the Grinch!

By the time we got home (with a half dozen pine cones that Luca picked up) we were all very ready to fall into bed and wait for Santa to come.

He got my hopes up.

Warehouse Manager - "Smile. You're on Candid Camera!"

Sarah Smile - "Dude. I've been waiting for this moment for all of my life."

It's Not A Hootenanny, It's A Extravaganza! Full Of Pomp!

My favorite episode of Sealab.

Rudolf the Twitchy-Nosed Bunny .....

........ likes to nibble on my clothes.
And if you ever saw him,
You would even have to admit that-my-boyfriend-is-totally-better-than-yours, sorry-to-have-to-say-it-but-it's-true.
All of the other pets,
Are threatened/attracted by his irresistible cuteness,
They all want to sniff him,
Turning the living room into a big reindeer game.


Ok, I suck at song parodies.

On my birthday, we went down to the El Cajon Animal Shelter, and in our (my) anxiousness to get a bunny, we got there quite early. While we drank coffee and (I) paced back and forth, a man pulled up with a kitten he'd found, to drop it off. I asked to hold him. He was so cuddly and friendly (and flea-bitten) that I had a very narrow escape from getting a kitten as well.
But a woman pulled up early, and she'd been looking for an orange tabby kitten all over, so she took him home for a fleabath.

At ten, they let us in and showed us the two bunnies they had. Oreo was a little white bunny with black spots, very cute (might still be there, only a five dollar adoption fee, folks), but it was Rudolf that stole my heart. They weren't kidding when they described him as the bunny you always wanted. He's got personality for miles and miles.

When we got home with him, I swear Mau rolled his eyes at us, but he doesn't quite know what to make of Rudolf. He keeps looking at me like, "What the heck IS it?"

It's your new friend, Mau. Keep him close, he might have world domination plans of his own.

Please Think Of Me This Christmas...

..... as you do any of the following.

• Take a walk to see the christmas lights
• Stretch, like reallyreally long, and wiggle your toes
  
• Roast anything over an open flame
• Toast anything with eggnog
• Put on a Santa hat
• Sit upside down on the couch
• Get crafty
• Take a nap

And I'll think of you while I'm doing all of these things and maybe, justmaybe it will be at the same time (with or without considering timezones, either way, I'm not picky) and then we'll be thinking of each other and it'll be like you're here or I'm there and this Internet won't seem so big after all.

My connection will be spotty the next couple of days, and just in case we don't talk, I wanted to tell you all how much you mean to me, and that I hope the holidays find you blissed out on sugar, in comfy socks, and that maybe, for one day, all will be right with the world.

Tomorrow Is My Birthday.

Jonny told me that 26 is the year you gain sophistication, but I think sophistication is like big feet. If you're gonna grow into it, there is generally some sign of it from the beginning.
So I doubt it, unless by 'sophistication' he means really good at coloring. I hope so, since I can actually see that happen.

The other night Nick and I were watching tv and suddenly it hit me.

"Holy fuck."

"What?"

"I'm gonna be 26."

"Yeah. This is news?"

"No, I knew that, but it just occurred to me that I'll be in the second half of my twenties."

"Yeah. Your math is correct."

"I just hadn't added it up quite like that yet."



So ........... when do I start to feel like a grown-up? I mean, I get little bits of it, when I think about my 401k, or how often I'm the designated driver, or when my houseplants don't die. But mostly I think about myspace layouts and road trips and my cute boyfriend and ohmygod, you know what 'Rezzie said on her blog today?

The funny thing is that I can picture myself at 50, 60, 70, 101 years old.
But I have no picture in my head of myself at thirty.
It's like when I was a little girl, I could picture myself looking older, but never taller, so in my imagination I was this midget grownup. Come to think of it, I wasn't that far off.

So here I am at 26 and I have vision of being a really fun old lady, with a few mysterious scars and stories that people would doubt the validity of if anyone but me told them.
But the road between me and that version of myself is a blank.
I have no idea how to get there from here. It's like driving into a fog.

Maybe I'll be like a friend of Bunny's. This friend was in her 90's and full of energy and life.
She told everyone, "You're only as old as you feel."
Then one day she called a friend at the front desk of the senior center where she volunteered. "I feel old today," she said.
Instantly concerned the friend asked, "Are you alright? Did you fall? Are you sick?"
She still sounded very upbeat as she replied with resignation in her voice,"No, nothing like that. It's just that my son turned 70 years old today. And nobody with a son in their seventies is young, I don't care how you look at it."

So maybe it'll come to me in a moment, something will happen and all of a sudden, I'll feel like a big girl now. Or maybe it'll creep up on me, and I'll only see it in hindsight.
Maybe that's what this year will bring.

Are You Down With OPOP? (Other People's Office Parties)

I love other people's office parties.
But I do sometimes wonder why I get invited to so many of them.

Sometimes I think people invite me to them for the same reason I lit my hair on fire as a kid.
Curiosity and a mistaken sense of invincibility.
"I wonder what will happen if ......"

There's a good example here, and also here where for a good half hour I kept making the person that gave a Hummer flashlight at David's office party gift exchange explain to me how I had to "shake it to turn it on."

See, if you want me to say something I probably shouldn't, the best recipe is an conversation with plenty of pauses, or a conversation with forced chitchat. It's like bubble wrap. I must pop it!
Therefore, office parties are the perfect storm of me running my mouth.
And I can only assume I get invited to them because secretly, deep down, people really like it. I can say what everyone is thinking and my job isn't at stake.
And face it, chaos is fun.

It Feels Like A Pajama Day.

Growing up, did your school have pajama days?

Mine did. And if your school didn't, I'm sorry, but that's where all the money for my fancy private school book learnin' went. More pajama days. (Woo-hoo! Thanks Mom and Dad!)

Actually, our school only had one pajama day a year, but we always twisted all the dress up days into pajama days. On Disney character dress up day, everyone came as one of the kids from Peter Pan, and on Halloween, Rip Van Winkle was a popular choice.

Pajama days rocked.


I used to have the perfect pj pants. Flannel, orange and blue. Sadly, they've since gone the way of all good pjs pants, and after a long life they wore out and now reside in that great clothesline in the sky. But before their much mourned passing, I used to scheme of ways to wear them to work. One nauseous morning found me calling Bunny and asking if she thought they'd pass for plaid pants if I pressed a crease down the front.

I've since got smarter. If you buy them in black, it's much easier to pass them off as 'real clothes.' Now I have a few pairs of 'comfy pants' that sorta bridge that gap between officewear and loungewear. I had the ultimate pair of those as well, that prolly sways in the heavenly breeze on that clothesline in the sky (They actually died a dramatic death, I was informed by a store employee that I 'might be feeling a draft towards the aft,' as she put it.) They were the sort of pants that one could (and I did) fall asleep in at a friends house, get up, got to work in, change into a heeled shoe and go straight out to dinner and a concert (the sort you sit down at, you know, FANCY) and then go home exhausted and fall asleep in again.
They were the holy grail of black 'comfy pants.'
The pairs I'm wearing now aren't quite the superstar that pair was, but they're damn close. What they lack in range of occasion, they make up for in pure comfort. They're a pair of oversized gaucho pants I got last spring at New York Company.
They're so cozy, I have this strange urge to purr.
It feels like a pajama day.

Merry This

The sun is setting outside the lobby, and I'm sitting in the half light.
People always tell me that when I sit like this, the light from the monitor makes me look like I'm glowing.
And tonight, I feel that way.

I'm thinking about my Gramie Dude. This is her favorite day of the year.
Six years ago today I was in Albuquerque for her Solstice party and met many of her favorite people, which prompted me a month later when she asked what of hers I would like her to leave me in her will to respond, "Your friends."

I'm listening to the Damnwells sing, "Xmas Eve."

They say the sky is never the exact same color as any other day, but right now I swear it looks exactly like the sunset on a very different, very warm day at the beach, when I walked in the surf with a very silly boy who wanted to kiss me, but never did. I pull that memory out and wear it like a film over my eyes whenever I feel less than attractive.

I leave in a little way for My Nick's company holiday party. And just watch me, I'll leave that party with the cutest boy there. Just watch.

And I know that in a very real way, it all gets lighter, it all gets better from here. Just watch.

Santa Was Here!

In the lobby!
To visit me!
He came down from the roof! Well, down the stairs from the exec's offices. Same thing.

I tried to call Owner with a Sense of Humor, because I knew he'd really wanna meet Santa, but for some reason I couldn't find him.

I got TEA! And this tea ball thingamabob! I shall call him Jerry.


I'm going to make a video clip of "Jerry" talking like a puppet, thanking the French Exec for my Secret Santa gift. I'm only about 80% sure it was French Exec's handwriting on the gift tag, but if I'm wrong, it's even funnier.

I now officially have enough tea to reenact the Boston Tea Party. Or to bathe in it all year, which sounds like a better idea. I shall be lightly caffeinated, by osmosis!

When I looked up from my present, Santa was gone.
Magically.
Before I got a chance to ask him if he could make my parents love each other again.
Oh well. Tea is more comforting anyway.

There were a lot of chocolate fountains on sale.

Sarah Smile - *holding gift cards* "So. What do we want from Bed, Bath and Beyond?"

My Nick - "Something from the Beyond section."

Sarah Smile - "Hee."

My Nick - "Suddenly you're falling through space. 'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Oh, here are the coffee mugs.'*"


*name that show

I'm Very Content With Life At The Moment.

I think we all know about my platonic crush on my boss (no, seriously, not like that. He's, like, a grown-up, ew). I'm convinced he's one of the loveliest bosses to ever grace a leather swivel chair.

And no, I have no reason to suspect he's reading this (but just in case you are, sir, don't worry, I'll get back to those office supply orders right after this, cross my heart).

Here's my newest reason to heart him, to end this post and get those supply orders done, to nonchalantly slip into my veryvery bestest phone voice when he passes through the lobby, and preen just a little.
It's exactly what I would have asked Santa for, if Santa hadn't cut me off after "And I wanna dance with Fred Astaire," and reminded me that a lot of kids were waiting for their turn and that I was kinda hurting his knee.
Tea! In handy little bags that fit the tea strainer in the mug!
And yes! A tea strainer in the mug!
Scone mix!
And a doggie tree ornament to top it all off!
This all makes me a Very Smiley Sarah.

Also (yes, we're not done!) there is the matter of my lunch. The lunch Nick made for me last night while I was out launching my karaoke career at Coworkers M and J's place. It's squash, it's tomato saucy goodness, it's love in tupperware. It's also mostly gone already. SO GOOD.

And then there is this. (Still more goodies!) A gift from another coworker, such an absolute sweetheart, who every year gives me some festive goodies and a note telling me she enjoys working with me. I love the glaze, I love the smiling snowmen, and I especially love that if you put it on your desk and stare at it awhile, it appears that the snowmen are shoving Christmas trees up each other's bums.
And if that doesn't give you a festive feeling, nothing will.

Because Posting Your Mother's Maiden Name On The Internet, How Could That Ever Turn Out Badly?

1. NAME: Sarah Smile

2. ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & street you grew up on)
Jubilee Chase (I already sound like a one hit wonder, don't I?)

3. "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your middle name)
S Ann (I'd be considered very fly............ in Asia. Like Jennifer Love Hewitt.)

4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Sage Crab. (Sounds like a pub in New England. The Sage Crab.)

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Anne El Cajon (I'm not sure that rolls very well, but I love the idea of having "el" in my last name. And lets face it, women in soaps have fourteen last names. It would be more like, Anne El Cajon Albuquerque El Cajon Del Rio Minnieapolis El Cajon Milleville El Cajon. That actually rolls off the tongue better.)

6. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name)
Barsamci (Bless you.)

7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, favorite drink)
The Sage Tequila. (I would always be too late to the disaster to be of any help, but I'd take everyone's mind of it for awhile afterwards.)

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first name of your grandfathers)
William Patrick Kenneth Robert. (The third. Seems like Earl should be in there somewhere.)

10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (father and mother's middle names )
Faye Norman (At least if I have to leave behind everything I know, my name won't suck. It's kinda cute. Sounds like the name of a secretary at a car dealership in Butte, Montana. Which is prolly exactly where I'll end up if I'm in the witness protection program. Wait, I shouldn't have said that then. Damn. Scratch that.)

11. PORN STAR NAME: (middle name, first car you owned)
Anne Pierre. (I know, you're wondering what kind of car a "Pierre" is, but I can't actually recall off the top of my head what kind of car it was. It was cute and vintage, made in the fifties. He was black and white, looked like a saddle shoe. I called him Pierre.)

Attention. I Have News That Could Change The Course Of Not Just My Life, But The World.

It came to my attention last night while hanging out with Coworkers M and J that I KICK ASS at Karaoke Revolution. Seriously. This is BIG, people.


Like the Underpants Gnomes, I'm not sure of all the steps, but the end result is clear.

Step 1. Rock at Karaoke Revolution.
Step 2. ???
Step 3. World Domination.

Senses

Colsy and I were talking about which of the five senses we would be willing to give up, if we had to give up one.
She said taste, because then she could fill up on healthy stuff and not be tempted by junk food.

I chose smell. I figure losing taste or smell wouldn't be quite the disability that losing sight, sound or touch would be, and I love food so I cherish my sense of taste.

It wouldn't be hard to function as a human without a sense of smell. I don't need to identify my children or mates out of a crowd with my nose. Might be harder to pick ripe produce, but I don't need to track down a animal with it, to eat. We don't have as good a sense of smell as most animals. I figured a human really doesn't need a sense of smell.

All of which isn't to say I wouldn't miss my sense of smell, but rather it got me thinking.
About what smells I would miss.
And oddly, it's not the things like flowers or the ocean or steak that leap to mind.
Rather it's very subtle scents, like my Mau-cat's neck, Bunny's house, or Nick's chest.
And then I thought about how much I would miss those.
So I don't know, maybe I'll change my mind and pick another sense, if I had to lose one.

9 Questions About My Love Life

01. Have you ever been in love?
*smiles* Oh yes.

02. Do you believe in love?
If I had to pick just one thing in the world to believe in, I'd pick love.

03. Why did your LAST relationship fail?
Because we were arguing one day and he realized that I could keep some level of control while mad, whereas he completely lost it and stomped around like a really big two year old. He got so insecure that I could do that, that for the next several weeks he did everything he could to drive me crazy, to try and make me flip out and lose it. Took me a few weeks of this torture to figure out what he was doing, but when I confronted him about it, he admitted it. He suggested we just back off and see if we could be friends before we re-evaluated out relationship. I told him his behavior didn't even qualify him for my friendship.
To this day he has a difficult time getting the concept that I'm not angry with him, I'm just very, very done with him. He still tries to talk to me, so he can continue to poke me in the psyche. *shrugs* Eventually I'll slam enough doors in his face (figuratively and literally) that he'll get it.

That's my side, anyway, but I think I'm telling it pretty fairly.

04. Have you ever been heartbroken?
No, oddly enough. When I met Nick, I made the surprising and slightly embarrassing realization that I'd never really been in love before. At least, not like this.

05. Have you ever broken someone's heart:
I'm not sure. They all seem fine now, I would guess (and hope) not.

06. Have you ever fallen for your best friend?
Yes, and I think when you love someone, they become your best friend.

07. Have you ever loved someone but never told them?
No, I'm not the type to hold that back, ever.

08. Are you afraid of commitment?
I think I have a healthy respect for it, what it takes, what it gives.

09. Have you had more than 5 different serious relationships in your life?
Nope, although at age 19 I probably would have said yes. I suppose that as I get older and have more relationships, the number of them that in hindsight I consider serious gets smaller.

More Lies I Will Tell My Children Someday.

Part One here.

I will tell them that to ask for change from a merchant is called, "laundering drug money" and send 'em into a grocery store with a twenty.

I will tell them that my wedding ring is called an STD and that Daddy gave it to me right before the wedding.

I will tell them that "to overdose" means "to nap" and that if anyone calls to let them know I'm in bed.

I will teach them that family game night is called "ritual goat sacrifice" and that they'd better not be late.

I will teach them that vitamins are called "maggots" and that not only do we take two in the morning, they're in all our food.

I will tell them that tissues are called "tampons" and that if they ever see a woman crying, to tell her they could tell she needs one.

This Makes Me Very, Very Happy.

No, not just the picture, although that does make me wanna dance about and ask if my ears are on straight, whatever that means.

This guy has a great collection of vintage kids records. Click on the picture to see the record cover, and click on the title to hear it.

I wonder if I would have gotten a sandwich from them.

*Window washers take a break and have their lunches in front of the lobby*

Owner with a Sense of Humor - "I'll give you five dollars if you got outside and ask those window washers where your sandwich is."

Sarah Smile - "Five bucks?"

Owner - "Yeah, but you gotta say it like that, you know, demanding."

Sarah Smile - "Hmmm."

Owner - "And you gotta stand there and glare at them for at least 30 seconds afterwards."

Sarah Smile - "Say it angry and don't explain right away? Five bucks?"

Owner - "You're thinking about it, aren't you?"

Sarah Smile - "Of course I am. I have no shame. I'm just wondering if 5 bucks is a fair price."

Owner - *walks away chuckling and shaking his head*

Sarah Smile - *calls after him* "I'll do it for seven dollars!"

I Want To Embroider It On A Pillow

From the ever-charming Colsy -

Laugh of the Insane

When things don't go your way, laugh the laugh of the insane.
When you find your own path, laugh the laugh of the insane.
When you spend more time with a kleenex box than your friends, laugh the laugh of the insane.
When something is funny, laugh the laugh of the insane but louder and more crazy-like. That way people will know when you're really happy.

And I DID get a camera.

My Boss - "See this step? I think we need to fix this step. [The CEO] tripped over it this morning."

Supply Chain Manager - "Do people trip over it a lot?"

Sarah Smile - "He's not even the only one to trip over it this morning."

My Boss - "I bet everyone has."

Sarah Smile - "Yeah, everyone who works here has at some point or another. If I could record it...."

My Boss - ".... It would make a great holiday party video."

*pause*

My Boss - "So thats it then. We won't fix it, we'll get a camera instead."

Sarah Smile - "Yeah, maybe we'll fix it in 2008."

Because Someday When I Have Children, I Will Use Them To Continue And Further My Reign Of Chaos.

And so I will teach them the wrong words for things.


I will tell them that pudding snacks are called "anthrax" and that they should ask their teacher if they can share with the class.

I will tell them that cologne is called "a condom" and tell them that if someone smells pretty, they should ask if they're wearing it.

I will tell them that my uterus is called "someone else's shopping cart" and thats where our new baby came from.

I will tell them that their father's profession is "incarcerated."

I will teach them to play chess and tell them it's called "concentration camp" and that Mommy always beats them at it.

I will tell them that Grandmother's house is called "Hell" and that they are allowed to bring one friend (besides Mommy, who will of course be going).

Our new favorite tune.

*Sarah Smile and My Nick head out the front door, towards the car*

Neighbor - [crazytalk] [something about a refrigerator] [frantic] [crazytalk]

Sarah Smile - *starts the car and yawns* "It's pretty early for such a big dose of crazy, don't you think?"

My Nick - "Whenever she talks to me, I hear in my head," *sings to the tune of Patsy Cline's 'Crazy'* "Craaaa-zzzzzzzzy, like ran into a car without a helmut, craaaaaaa-zzzzzzzzzy."

Sarah Smile - "Craaaaaaaaa-zzzzzzy, just plain ole craaaaaaaaa-zzzzzzy."

My Nick - "Craaaaaaaa-zzzzzzy, like dropped off a balcony, craaaaaaaa-zzzzzzzzy, craaaaaaaa-zzzzzzzy, hit with a baseball bat and has to relearn the alphabet, craaaaaaaaa-zzzzzy."

My Friends, They Totally Get Me.

Besides Miss Kendra's holiday goodness, wanna know what else I got?
Bunny and ZezZee got me Audrey Hepburn notecards and a extra set of crayons "for work," in a gorgeous little hatbox, perfect for holding crochet projects while still in construction.
Jesse and Bethany got me a (very large) gift card to Petco.
My coworkers M and J got me a very nice (and festively adorned) bottle of wine.

Do they know me or what?

That's why she's prettier than me.

Miss Kendra - "Do you have hairspray?"

Sarah Smile - *gestures to own unruly mop* "Do I look like a hairspray kinda girl?"

Miss Kendra - "I don't know, what does a hairspray kinda girl look like?"

Sarah Smile - *gestures to the beautifully coiffed MK* "You."

Every Morning I Look At Him And Think, "He's Bigger Than He Was When We Went To Sleep."

I love my giant puppy.
Yesterday I noticed that he's as big as a motorcycle. See?


And so, to help with his food costs, I will be writing him off on my taxes as a low-emission vehicle. Oh, and in case you were wondering what that motorcycle in the background is for, it's for this.


A new way to kill yourself on a bicycle. *grin* I sorta wanna try.

Holiday Goodness!

Hand delivered, no less, by the lovely and charming Miss Kendra.
We had an all-too-brief visit, into which we squeezed my birthday dinner, puppy cuddling and fabric shopping.
And you know how you're all imagining how much fun it would be to fabric shop with MK? Yeah, it's everything you'd think. She bought enough fabric to make a circus tent. (Sidenote - I really hope she DOES make a circus tent.)

I'm at a complete loss to explain how she managed to come and go without me getting a single picture of her.
But like Santa Claus, I can prove she came, by the holiday goodness left behind.
Behold!

Another Actual Conversation

Waiter - "And for you miss?"

Sarah Smile - "I'll have the lamb, medium."

My Nick - "You are going eat a baby lamb?"

Sarah Smile - "Aaaaaa, no! You can't be that voice! I'm trying to drown out that voice! You're supposed to be the voice of reason! The crazy doesn't need backup!"

Jesse - "Don't worry, I'm sure they were very bad lambs."

Bethany - "Baaaaaaaaaa-d lambs."

Sarah Smile - "Yes. Like that. Thank you."

After All Those Quarters I've Wasted ....

... I had no idea it was actually possible to get a toy out of those machines with the claw. But trust Nick to accomplish the impossible, although I think he was as shocked as I was.

We went to the grocery store very early on Sat. morning, the first in a long list of errands that included Petco and Petsmart. Twice. Each.

Plotting Mischief At The Office Party.

Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls and I.

(Thanks to our Friendly Rhymes with Bentel Rep for the picture)

This Is Why I Love Used Bookstores.

Because sometimes you find a book by Daniel W. Streeter, published in 1927, with "Elizabeth and John L. Ruels" written with an ink and a style of penmanship that nobody uses anymore. Isn't it odd how you can tell a book is old just from the handwriting of the owner inside the cover?
And apparently it's a true story.
But the best part about this book is the title.
CAMELS!!

Not just Camels. Not just Camels! Not just CAMELS!

CAMELS!!
With two exclamation points.
Brilliant.
How could one not be intrigued?

I began reading with high hopes and still found myself pleasantly surprised.

Chapter 1
Paris. In which I resist everything but temptation.

Why do men do it?
Several times that winter the question intruded itself. Why on earth had I left the fruity ease of Paris, and traveled three thousand miles for the pleasure of dashing myself up against sunbaked Abyssinian foothills - the very essence of everything Paris was not!
Once, when it looked as though our persons were about to be gently massaged by the hooves of seventy buffalo, the question rose in my mind very vividly.
Again, a few days later, I squatted gazing into the limpid orbs of four female elephants. Just before leaving Khartoum a fellow became verbose explaining that one of the favorite pastimes of the blase elephant consisted in its wrapping the trunk amorously about one's neck and pulling one's head off. Though it's generally considered impossible, as I looked into the eyes of those females, two thoughts occupied my mind simultaneously: "Why do men do it?" and - "Are those elephants blase?"
As to the "why" of it in our particular case, there is only one answer. It was September in Paris. The sunsets were golden; the twilights lingered, steely blue, then, black velvet shot with luminous star dust. Like cool Borean caresses the soft evening breezes wrapt themselves about one. Partridges were in season. Naturally, one's thoughts wandered.


Who wants to borrow it once I'm finished?

I Love My New Camera Almost As Much As I Love My Lobby.

My itsy-bitsy desk tree. Her name is Cassandra.
Flowers I bought and arranged myself.


The beast, my phone. It's like playing the piano sometimes.


Eek! A mouse!


It's almost like getting to work outside.


Some flowers (not for me, just waiting to be picked up) and my poinsettia, Captain Josef.

They Need A Picture For The Employee Of The Month Wall.

I'm sending this one.

Nothing Puts A Bounce In Your Step Quite Like ...

- a raise.
Because lets face it, in the business world, nothing says 'We think you're a worthwhile human being' quite like money does.

- a compliment on your writing from your boss.
Because in the writing field, nothing says 'We think you're a worthwhile human being' quite like a compliment from a busy man does.

The Daily Commute.

Thank God for music.

It's A Long Story, But We're Moving. AGAIN.

The short version is that they're building a freeway through our place. Seriously. Right through it.

I hate moving. I know I've mentioned it before, how it rips my soul from it's moors and bruises the very spirit of my fingers. I'm morally opposed to carrying heavy things. And I hate the disruption of new addresses and stuff in boxes.

But that said, I really like our new place. It's a "granny flat" house behind a main house. Another couple is renting the front house, and they're very friendly and fun. They have two dogs, so Luca will have buddies! The yard is huge and the bedroom has skylights.
And get this. We'll have a whirlpool tub.
This thrills my little heart, right down to the ventricles.

And so while I DREAD the idea of moving AGAIN, I'll be glad once it's done. And that new freeway over our flying caravan, it'll cut our commute from the new place down.

It's a very secret code.

My Homie in Marketing - "I need to start my meeting in there, but the execs are running long again. Do you think I could go in there and say something?"

Sarah Smile - "Sure. I'll go in and back you up. And if I think they're mad at you for interrupting, I'll give a code word."

My Homie in Marketing - "What's the code word?"

Sarah Smile - "The code word will be, 'It's all his fault, he made me come in and bust up your meeting.' If you hear that, you'll know they're mad. 'K?"

Quizzical

Warning, long and rambling, but feel free to take the quizzes we give each other and tell me your score.


Thérèse says:
VJ sneezes Britishally.
Just FYI.

Jonny Opinion says:
Oh, thanks.
Conversation is so much more rewarding when you don't follow what the other person is saying.

Sarah Smile says:
It's true.
I do.

Jonny Opinion says:
How do you sneeze Britishly?

Sarah Smile says:
I'm not sure.
It's just that I think Britishly now.

Jonny Opinion says:
OK then. Here's a test.
On which side of the pennines are you more likely to be asked if you want scraps with your fish and chips?

Sarah Smile says:
*sharpens two #2 pencils*
The left side. The top left.

Jonny Opinion says:
No.

Sarah Smile says:
Damn.

Jonny Opinion says:
2. What are scraps?

Sarah Smile says:
Scraps.

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes, but no.

Sarah Smile says:
I think britishly now, so that's what I call them.
Scraps are scraps.

Jonny Opinion says:
3. What city do "brummies" come from?
OK, a point for question 2.

Sarah Smile says:
Brummies come from their mother's uteruses. Do we have to go over this again?

Jonny Opinion says:
Wrong. 4. If someone in Manchester asked you if you were a red or a blue, what would they be wanting to know?

Sarah Smile says:
What team I root for?

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes, sort of.
Half a point.
erm....
5....

Thérèse says:
Who?

Jonny Opinion says:
Good question. 5. Who?

Sarah Smile says:
The one standing between four and six.

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes.

Sarah Smile says:
See, I used logic on that one.

Jonny Opinion says:
6. If something is described as "the dog's bollocks", is that a good thing, or a bad thing?

Sarah Smile says:
Depends on whether or not that someone is a British person or a british dog.

Jonny Opinion says:
No.
I'm sorry, but you don't pass.

Sarah Smile says:
Well, I still think you're a fat bastard.
*crosses fingers and hopes she used that correctly*

Jonny Opinion says:
Um, sort of.

Sarah Smile says:
Ok.
Whew.

Jonny Opinion says:
If you think I am a fat bastard.

Sarah Smile says:
Damn it.

Jonny Opinion says:
hahahahaha

Sarah Smile says:
That wine commercial said it was a 'cheeky british phrase meaning whoppingly good.'

Jonny Opinion says:
No, that's completely wrong.

Sarah Smile says:
Oops.
Sorry about that.

Jonny Opinion says:
But I love it that there's people being told that

Sarah Smile says:
*giggle*

Jonny Opinion says:
I'm going to tell Americans that too from now on.

Sarah Smile says:
Come to think of it, that's hilarious.

Jonny Opinion says:
Test me on how American I am.

Thérèse says:
I want to be tested after this!
Test me on being American, AND being British.

Jonny Opinion says:
OK.

Thérèse says:
Yes. Yes!

Jonny Opinion says:
I'll test you as VJ tests me.
1. What time do pubs normally close at night?

Sarah Smile says:
Hmmmmm. Can I test you on how Californian you are?

Jonny Opinion says:
Sure.

Thérèse says:
Pubs do not close at night, they close in the morning.
Trick quesiton.

Jonny Opinion says:
Wrong. 11pm
2. Explain the offside rule.

Sarah Smile says:
What height does the surf report give, on average this time of year, in the mornings?

Jonny Opinion says:
5 miles.

Sarah Smile says:
No, 3 feet.

Jonny Opinion says:
close.

Thérèse says:
Anyone offside is not permitted to interfere.
it's the rule.

Jonny Opinion says:
No.
3. What is a public school?

Thérèse says:
A school that any citizen of the appropriate age may attend.

Jonny Opinion says:
No.

Thérèse says:
Or, where you go to get a sub-par education.

Jonny Opinion says:
A public school is a private school.

Thérèse says:
How do you figure?

Jonny Opinion says:
It's true.

Thérèse says:
Okay, very good. Next question.

Jonny Opinion says:
4. The capital of the Isle of Mann is called "Douglas". True or false.
?

Thérèse says:
I would love it if that were true.

Sarah Smile says:
Which of the following can your vegan neighbor eat? Carne asada, tostada al pastor or tacos papas?

Jonny Opinion says:
What's your answer?

Thérèse says:
True.

Jonny Opinion says:
Correct.

Jonny Opinion says:
Tostada al pastor.

Sarah Smile says:
No.
Tacos papas.

Jonny Opinion says:
Bugger.

Thérèse says:
Next question.

Jonny Opinion says:
5. Is the Prime Minister a member of the House of Commons or the House of Lords?

Sarah Smile says:
Which of the following is NOT a border town. Tijuana, San Ysidro or Santa Clara?

Thérèse says:
Both.

Jonny Opinion says:
Santa Clara.

Thérèse says:
San Ysidro.

Jonny Opinion says:
No, Rez.

Sarah Smile says:
Correct, Jonny.

Thérèse says:
Damn.

Jonny Opinion says:
YES!

Thérèse says:
I'd make a crappy Brit.

Jonny Opinion says:
I got one right!

Thérèse says:
Okay, time to test your canadian knowledge thenl

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes, you fail too.
Sorry.

Thérèse says:
1. How many time zones are there in Canada?

Jonny Opinion says:
Alright.
Nine.
Oh hang on, I thought you meant provinces.
five time zones.

Sarah Smile says:
Where is Chinatown located? In San Francisco, Los Angeles or San Diego?

Jonny Opinion says:
San Francisco.

Thérèse says:
Los Angeles

Sarah Smile says:
Trick question, it's in both SF and LA. So half right.

Thérèse says:
HA! We were right together, Jonnykins.
Correct. Five time zones.

Sarah Smile says:
What state route travels up the coast?

Jonny Opinion says:
Do I have to say a number?

Thérèse says:
2. What exactly is a toque, and how is it pronouced?

Sarah Smile says:
Yes, Jonny, a number.

Jonny Opinion says:
It's pronounced "tok" and it's a type of fish found in Quebec.
Number 80

Thérèse says:
(alternate spellings: touque, tuque)
Incorrect. Veaj, would you like to give it a shot?

Sarah Smile says:
No, state route 1.

Jonny Opinion says:
Pants.

Thérèse says:
A tuque, pronounced "too-k", is a hat.

Jonny Opinion says:
Fish, hat. Same thing.

Thérèse says:
3. How many seasons has Canada, and what are they?

Sarah Smile says:
I-80 actually runs across the states east to west, ending in the Bay Area.
Tell me what city is the hub of the Bay Area?

Jonny Opinion says:
San Francisco.

Sarah Smile says:
Correct.

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes!

Sarah Smile says:
Explain the phrase "Hang Ten."

Jonny Opinion says:
Something to do with surfing.

Sarah Smile says:
Yes, that's true, but it refers specifically to a surfing move.
While riding a wave, if you walk up the board to the veryveryvery front and hang your ten toes off the front, you are hanging ten.

Thérèse says:
ha!
that's awesome.
can you surf?
do you surf?

Sarah Smile says:
No, I don't actually.

Thérèse says:
really??
but... you're californian.
i thought everyone knew how to surf there.

Sarah Smile says:
But it's so part of our culture that even though I don't surf, I know how.

Thérèse says:
i mean... i'm not good, and i don't play on any sort of league, but i know how to play hocke.... oh okay.

Sarah Smile says:
Did you know they have classes to teach your dog to surf?

Thérèse says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
you're kidding.

Sarah Smile says:
Nope.
I love this state.

America's Next Top Model - British Invasion

I like the British version for three reasons.
One, the right girl won. Lucy was so cute!!


Two, watching it has completely altered my voice. I can't stop speaking in a British accent. I think in a British accent. Or rather as Jonny says, it's cured me of my American accent. He staunchly maintains that there is no such thing as a British accent, thats how people are supposed to sound. And he might be correct, because it feels so right.

Thirdly, they showed the entire competition in a two hour special, not spread out over weeks. No torturous waiting, it's all instant gratification. I'm all about instant gratification.


While watching it last night, I finally realized why I enjoy watching the Next Top Model shows. When I watch some of the girls fight and self-sabotage and throw hissy-fits, and are eliminated from the show for it, I am reminded again that even in what is considered a shallow industry, ATTITUDE MATTERS. And I find that very empowering.

Colsy Has A Question

I asked here if there was anything any of you wanted to ask, and Colsy sent me this -

"What song do you sing in your head most often? Is it something from childhood that has haunted you? Or is it a song that you always go to because it was from a time when nothing else mattered?"

I think it's a great question and I'd like to open it up to all of you.

Personally, I have a collection of old country songs perma-stuck in my head. Bits and pieces of the songs I used to sing while swinging on the swingset with Bug.

Maybe it was Memphis, maybe t'was the southern summer night, maybe it was you, maybe it was me, but it sure felt right... - Pam Tillis

That's my baby, that's my diamond in the rough, but I can make him shine with my sweet love, that's my baby ..... - Lari White

The bluest eyes in Texas are haunting me tonight, like the stars that fill the midnight sky, her memory fills my mind .... - Nathan Larson

Her book is lying on the bed, the two of hearts to mark her page, now who could ever walk away at chapter 21, so she can't be really gone.... - Tim McGraw

Did you really think last night would last forever, did you really think that guy hung the moon, right now you hate yourself cause you knew better, but theres no use crying over spilled perfume.... - Pam Tillis

Baby, what do you say we just get lost? Leave this one horse townlike two rebels without a cause? I got people in Boston, ain't your daddy still in Des Moines? We can pack up tomorrow, tonight, let's flip a coin.... - Jo Dee Messina

But that's somebody else's moon tonight, those are somebody else's stars, they're are no longer mine, 'cause somewhere tonight, you're in somebody else's arms .... - Collin Raye

Albuquerque waitin' out a blizzard, Arizona dancin' 'cross the desert, watchin' the sun set in Monterey, girl I swear just the other day you were down in Georgia pickin' them peaches, in Carolina barefoot on the beaches. No matter where you choose to be, in my heart I'll always see you, everywhere.... - Tim McGraw

Wow, that was FUN.
Anybody wanna go to a playground and have a sing-a-long on the swings?

I Love My New Camera Almost As Much As I Love My Pets.

Mick on the left and Gillian on the right. They'll always kissing, except for when I pull out the camera.


Pierce (brown) and Willow (white), our gay lovebirds except that they're finches, not lovebirds.


Maddox in the front there, in front of Hazel. Hazel is the only one who can tolerate living with the volatile and temperamental Maddox.


Hazel is also the softest looking of all my birdies.


Hazel and Maddox's three surviving kids, from top to bottom, Bevis, Bob and Meryl.


And I finally captured the puppy ear comb-over.

So Then I Said ....

..... to an old friend, "So last night I had a dream that I was at some tiny little off Broadway play and you made a cameo as a funny little Englishman, wearing a vest and pocket watch. Then I woke up to banjo music, because I have a very old clock radio, and ever since the faceplate fell off, it has this quirk, that every time you turn it on, it changes stations at random and while this might technically be considered "broken" I think of it as a sort of musical adventure, and so Patsy the alarm clock and I get along just fine and it occurred to me that sometimes my real life is more surreal than my dreams, and then my puppy stuck his tongue in my ear and my nine pet birds chimed in with the banjo music, but enough about me. How are you? "

Dear Makers Of The Movie "The Holiday,"

It's not just that I haven't seen your movie.
It's that I'm actively NOT watching it. On purpose.
You know why?
Because I have never felt so over-marketed before in my life.
For the love of all that is holy, I've seen the trailer so many times that I'm sure it adds up to six times the length of the actual movie.
And it's the SAME trailer, no variation whatsoever
You've actually made me sick of the lovely Kate Winslet.
The ads, they're everywhere.

Please, please stop.
I'm begging.

Seven Months

I love how much we laugh together.
I love how he kicks me out of the kitchen while he makes dinner, so it's a surprise.
I love rubbing my feet against his as we fall asleep.
I love how cute he is when he bites his lip.
I love our life together, every day is a gift.

I love my Nick, more than anything.

Tagged. Through The Ear, With One Of Those Plastic Tags, The Sort They Use On Cows.

No, not really.
Tagged for a meme by my Ikey-kins.

Five Things You Didn't Know About Me

After over three thousand posts, there isn't much I haven't already told.

1. I don't like toppings on my ice cream.
2. I rock out to Barry Manilow.
3. I won't touch even the picture of something I find gross.
4. From my earliest recollection, I've felt like I was different from everyone else in some deep-seated yet undefinable way.
5. I'm leaving the fifth one open, for anything you want to know. Email me a question and I'll answer it.
   

'Rezzie Has A LOT Of Blogs.

She has blogs like I have pets.
That's what I mean by A LOT.



She has one devoted entirely to her love of cheeseburgers. (And it's updated more often than you'd think.)

Back in October, Blogger was giving her some issues and she couldn't log in, so she asked me to log in and correct something she needed fixed.
While staring at her 'Dashboard,' even I was amazed at the never-ending list of blogs.

I created this one for her, thinking she'd find it by the end of the day.
After a few days, I figured she was biding her time, planning a prank in response.
After a few weeks, I forgot all about it.

Today, she found it.
*grin*

We Call It "Woo-ca Bear" Face.

Because you can't help but baby talk to that face. It's something about the jowls. Seriously, try. Try not to loose all your hard consonant sounds. Try not to eat his velvety ears. Try not to give him the ends of your rolled tacos.

We've completely given up. I mean, that face.

Dear People Who Put Religious Bumper Stickers On Your Cars.

Let's play a game.

Can you find me one, just one person who was saved or born again or converted or found your version of Jesus because of a bumper sticker?

Seriously, can you find ONE?

That's because witty wordplay doesn't inspire faith where it doesn't already exist.

Now lets try something much, much easier.
Find one person who's felt offended, judged or unwelcome in your faith because of a bumper sticker.
Trust me, you won't have to look far.

In all fairness, there are a few that pass the offensiveness test. And I don't think for a minute you have to be ashamed of your religious beliefs. It's just that attempting to define an entire belief system in one phrase is very difficult, and if not done carefully, it's very open to misinterpretation. And that misinterpretation, (or forcing someone to read it because you've just cut them off) just shoots your message in the foot.
Jesus, according to the book of Luke, had a conversation with a religious law expert, in which Jesus' message was boiled down into "Love the Lord your God," and "Love your neighbor as yourself." I think if you stick to something like that, you're good.
The only people who would get offended at that would be the sort that get offended at any and everything, and I'm not suggesting we have to humor those nuts.

But please, stop and step outside of yourself for a minute before you put that bumper sticker on your car.
Let your life speak, not your bumper.
(Hopefully) It will be a much more eloquent, much more meaningful, much more powerful a statement.

Holiday Meme

1. Hot chocolate or apple cider?
Apple cider, for sure. Anything chocolate makes me break out. And before you tell me that's a myth, that it's not possible, let me just tell that be that as it may, for me, it just does. I could document it if you really need proof. Maybe they're placebo zits, but either way, they're zits, so I keep my chocolate consumption to a minimum. And that's ok with me, I don't actually like it that much. The occasional brownie or M&M and my skin and I are both happy.

2. Turkey or Ham?
Turkey. Ham falls into the same catagory as chocolate for me. I don't dislike it, but I wouldn't really miss it if it were gone.

3. Do you get a Fake or Real cut it yourself christmas tree?
Fake and I'm not ashamed. I don't have to kill a tree, instead I can use and love my "Harry Lee" every year. And he's less flamable. AND I can bend his branches around to securely hold delicate ornaments in place.

4. Decorations on the outside of your house?
Sure. Lights, garlands, bows, poinsettias, that sort of thing. But NEVER those inflatable things. They SCARE me.

5. Snowball fights or sledding?
Sledding. I'll drive up into the mountains just for that. The best is moonlight sledding.

6. Do you like hanging around the fireplace because it's warm?
YES. I hate cold like cats hate water. Warmth is my friend.

7. Do you enjoy going downtown shopping?
Depends on how many other people are also out shopping. I don't mind company, but huge crowds suck the fun out.

8. Favorite Christmas song?
Silent Night.

10. How do you feel about Christmas movies?
The vast majority suck, they're just churned out to give relatives a break from talking to each other. But there are some good ones.

11. When is it too early to start listening to Christmas music?
I would say Halloween, but on rare occasion for no particular reason, I listen to it in the middle of the year, for fun.

12. Stockings before or after presents?
Usually after, because I tend to open my presents before Christmas morning.

13. Carolers, do you or do you not listen to them?
I tip them.

14. Go to someone elses house or they come to you?
Sometimes both, but I like people coming to me.

15. Do you read the Christmas Story the night before christmas?
Yeah, aloud if anyone will listen. This year I think I'll vlog my pets acting it out. Maybe I'll read this aloud.

16. What do you do after presents and dinner?
Play with my new toys. Cuddle.

17. What is your favorite holiday smell?
Hmmm. I don't know what the smell is actually called but when I was a little girl, we had some scented holiday candles. And the rest of the year, when I needed a quick dose of magic, I would go into the closet and sniff the top of the box that held the Christmas decorations. Every now and then I smell a candle that reminds me of that scent.

18. Ice skating or walking around the mall?
Ice skating. I think we all know how I feel about malls.

19. Favorite Christmas memory?
Sitting by myself in Albuquerque, drinking a beer that had been chilled in an ice chest full of the same snow that was softly falling outside the window, the same snow they said wouldn't fall, and declaring independence from traditions that didn't fit me.

20. Favorite Part about winter?
Christmas lights.

21. Ever been kissed under mistletoe?
Oh yes. Which reminds me ........


Goodnight, all.

Proof.

The new camera.



Me, ten minutes ago.

A new era has begun.