It'll be good to catch up with them.

Salesguy J - *looks out the windows at the rain* "Did you call somebody to get this turned off and moped up?"

Valancy Jane - "Yeah, I called the property management, and they're sending someone right over they said ......"

Salesguy J - "Oh good."

Valancy Jane - "..... but I think they're from county mental health."

So then I said ....

.... *gestures to her christmas-in-the-trailer-park-with-festive-flamingo pajamas*
In this competition, in most contests here at work, in life in general, really, I'm competing in the catagory of "Most Unique."

"Pajama Jammy Jam"

That's the official name of our pajama day here at work today.


And it's funny really.
I've written before about Pajama Days and how much I love them and wish there were more of them.
I was really excited about Pajama Day here at work.

But now that we're all here, it's awkward. Too ........... intimate. Not that anybody is wearing anything sexy or inappropriate. To the contrary, really. It's like, slumber party-wear. What you wear when you have houseguests. You know, the slightly cleaned up version of what you really sleep in. The version where you're fully covered and everything matches. Where you dig out the matching (to the pjs AND to each other) slippers, instead of the dirty and cat hair covered comfy ones you usually wear.

But even that is a view of my coworkers that I've never had. That I'm happy to never have of some of them.

It would almost be better to have a naked day. At least then I could get a few snickers in before I avert my eyes.

"Does this plan cover brain damage caused by ridiculously long meetings?"

I wanted to ask, but I suspect she would have assumed it was a legitimate question, and then the meeting would have been longer.

I swear I think the left half of my brain is numb.
It literally feels numb.
More numb than my ass.
I feel so much dumber than when I went in.
*jiggles*
Maybe this will bring the feeling back.

And if that's a dumb idea, blame the meeting.

I never remember if it's "good morning" or "good afternoon."

Sarah Smile - "Good morning, [company name], this is Sarah, how can I help you?"

Caller - "Thank god it isn't morning anymore."

Sarah Smile - "Uh, yes. And I wanted you to think about that. I wanted us to all have reality check about how grateful we should all be that the day is progressing along nicely toward the time when we can all go home. I wanted us to take a moment and ponder the small blessings. That's what I was trying to do, and it certainly wasn't a mistake on my part. Yeah."

Working.

Spillover

People often ask me if I answer my cell phone with the same greeting that I use all day at work.
To which I always respond, "No, are you kidding? I never answer my cell phone."


But my work as a receptionist has definitely spilled over into my private life in lots of ways. Not the least of which is .....

1. I never answer my cell phone. I love my job, but by the end of the day, I'm soooooooooo done talking on the phone.
2. When I pick a new hair cut, I make sure it will look ok with a headset.
3. When I end a conversation with a person standing in front of me at my desk, I often hit the headset button, as if 'hanging up' on our conversation.
4. I use my phone voice, never to my friends, but to anyone I want to impress.
5. I get annoyed when people let their phones ring. It needs to answered, like a crying baby needs to be comforted.
6. Sometimes I answer other people's phone, because the ringing to me is like an insistent tapping and someone calling my name, all at once.
7. I never buy a pair of pants without sitting down in them and letting my gut out.
8. I never worry about whether or not my shoes are work appropriate, since nobody sees them anyway. I'm like a newscaster.
9. I've graduated past being "a good liar," to an artist who works in the medium of Lie.
10. I can talk on the phone with my mouth full and you'd never know it. PRACTICE, man. I've gotten lots of practice multitasking.
    

We have new suggestion boxes.

I wonder if this means I'm still banned.

Hee.

*mutters "office bunny" and "snuggles" as she jots down a list*

I'll sit by the phone and wait.

Supplier - *signing in*
*cell phone rings*
"Hello? ............ Hmmm."
*hangs up*
"I've been getting the strangest calls lately. I pick up and it's just ice cream truck music."

Sarah Smile - *splutters* "Wha ............ it ................. they ................. WHY DON'T THEY CALL MEEEEE? Next time they call, give them my number!!!!!!"

Actually, I WOULD still have a job. I just say that to sound badass. Is it working?

Sarah Smile - "Good morning, [company name], this is Sarah, how can I help you?"

Favorite Salesguy - "It's me, Peaches."

Sarah Smile - "HI! How are you?"

Favorite Salesguy - "Stuck in an airport. Elch."

Sarah Smile - "That sucks."

Favorite Salesguy - "I wish."

Sarah Smile - "Hahahahaha."

Favorite Salesguy - "I hope they don't record these calls."

Sarah Smile - "I'm going to say what a bus driver said to me once, when I pointed out a security camera after he asked 'Do you want to drive the bus?' He said, 'If they were recording, do you think I'd still have a job?'"

Sure. Hit 'em in the head with a 2x4.

Sarah Smile - "Good morning, [Company name], this is Sarah, how can I help you?"

Caller - "I'd like to speak with someone about getting an employee injury approved."

*pause*

Sarah Smile - "I really hope you mean treatment ......"

I'm so ruined for bitch about your job sessions.

Seriously, it's this bonding thing among friends, and I got nothing.
Nada.
Zip.

When everyone is talking about their boss's ridiculous rules or annoying habits, what am I supposed to say?


"When he hired me, my boss insisted on giving me more money that I asked for."

"My boss always reminds me to take my vacation time."

"My boss counsels married couples in his off time. For free."

"My boss gives me a raise about every six months."

"My boss surprises me sometimes with chunks of stock."

"My boss never bugs me, but drops everything and gives me his undivided attention if I need something."

"My boss rescues puppies."



I mean, seriously. Can't he at least have an annoying voice or something that I could make fun of? A often used phrase that I could do imitations of? GIVE ME SOMETHING HERE. Every employee is entitled to that. Like health insurance.
This is so bad for my social life.

They make me a better receptionist.

Sarah Smile - "What's with all the books?"

Systems Engineer - "Just studying on being an SE."

Sarah Smile - "You ARE an SE."

Systems Engineer - "Yeah, just learning to be a better one."

Sarah Smile - "Oh, ok. I'm doing the same thing. I'm shopping for coloring books on Amazon."

MHiM can always be counted on to play, even when he doesn't know the game.

Guy Waiting for an Interview with MHiM - "What's with the picnic tables out front?"

Sarah Smile - "St. Patrick's Day potluck."

Guy Waiting - "Oh, ok."

Sarah Smile - *bright smile* "Actually, it's something we do every day. We all bring food to share, and eat lunch together, and afterwards we all sing a song. It's sooooo much fun!"

Guy Waiting - *eyes widen* "Uh .... "

Sarah Smile - "Oh, I'm kidding of course."

Guy Waiting - *relaxes*

Sarah Smile - "That's just the Marketing department that does that."

Guy Waiting - *eyes widen again*

My Homie in Marketing - *comes down the stairs, bouncing with all his natural exuberance* "Hi [Guy Waiting]! Do you like hamburgers?"

Guy Waiting - *looks longingly at the door*

Maybe NOT better than onions.

Due to a unscrupulous Tupperware lid, or a little man in green, a sizable portion of the green jello I brought for today's picnic sloshed onto the back seat of my car.

I should have followed Colsy's suggestion and carried it in a cauldron.

I think it was those mischievous leprechauns.



On the upside, my car now smells very sugary. Like Lucky Charms.

Jonny is always so helpful.

Sarah Smile:
My head hurts.
I think I'm getting a migraine.

Jonny:
Need a spare head?

Sarah Smile:
Yes, thank you, if it's not too much trouble.

Jonny:
I'll see what I've got in the cupboard.
Hmm, how about the head of a 19th century travelling opium saleswoman?
The head of a cavewoman?

Sarah Smile:
I think the opium saleslady head.
The cavewoman might have bushy eyebrows.

Jonny:
Please don't get the wrong impression of me now you know I have a collection of women's heads in my cupboard.

Sarah Smile:
*shrugs*
Of course not

Jonny:
They're spare. Never been used.

Sarah Smile:
As I have just proven, they're handy to have around.

Jonny:
I didn't behead anyone for them.
Straight from the manufacturer.

Sarah Smile:
*nods*
I believe you.
But then, I sell opium.

I wanted to try something Irish for breakfast ...

...... and I thought long and hard and longingly and lovingly of Irish Coffee. But I wanted something special this morning, you know, not just the everyday routine.

So instead I ordered a corned beef sandwich. The lovely deli man made me repeat my order a couple of times. He's used to my strange whims, and he's whipped up some pretty great omelets to my exact specifications, but this seemed to be pushing it in his mind.

"Corned beef sandwich. You want a hot corned beef sandwich. For breakfast. Do you know what corned beef IS?"

"Good point. Better bring some whiskey along too then."

" ..................... Ok."

"I'm kidding. About the whiskey."

"Are you sure?"

Totally better than onions.

I drew a great assignment for tomorrow's potluck here at work.

Green Jello!

This could be fun. I think I'll make jigglers just for an excuse to use my new cookie cutters.

The cool part is that I don't think the green jello will have any side effects, such as convincing my neighbors I'm insane, like that whole onion incident. Wait, maybe that's the sad part. Maybe I'll use up the leftover halloween candy, all those gummy fingers and ears, throw those in the jello, and leave some for the neighbors. I have a reputation to maintain now.

But seriously. Anybody got ideas on how to jazz it up a bit?

Maybe make it with vodka and not warn anybody? Maybe bring it in a giant tub and see if anyone wants to wrestle?



I found this picture while looking for jello recipes, and it slays me.
But again, back to my point.
Any ideas on how to make it more St. Patrick's Day-ish?

Let's review the rules.

1. Nobody gets to be rude on the phone until at least 10 am on mondays. I think this is fair, and benefits everyone.

It's a good motto, it's served me well.

Only Female Engineer and Really Tall Engineer - *in OFE's cubicle which sports a cardboard roof due to it's location under a hyperactive airconditioning unit*

Sarah Smile - "I forget the club password, but can I still come in?"

Really Tall Engineer - *does secret handshake*

Sarah Smile - "[OFE, you know what this Clubicle(TM) needs? Glow in the dark stickers. Star ones. I have some. I'll bring them in. OH! And glow in the dark pony stickers. I'll bring them in tomorrow! That'll be sweet!"

Only Female Engineer - "Actually, they're supposed to fix it today."

Sarah Smile - "What? Why? Wouldn't you rather have a Clubicle(TM) with glow in the dark pony stickers? If it gets you a pony, don't fix it!"

Only Female Engineer and Really Tall Engineer - *laughs*

Sarah Smile - "You know, that's actually the second time in my life that that has been my motto."