Friday, September 29, 2006
Another Actual Conversation
Another Salesguy - "Doing inventory?"

Sarah Smile - "Just checking what office supplies we need to order."

Another Salesguy - "Oh you do that now?"

Sarah Smile - "Yeah, why, you need something?"

Another Salesguy - "A beer. You got beer in there?"

Sarah Smile - "Send me an requisition form."

Another Salesguy - "You're allowed to order beer?"

Sarah Smile - "Technically no, but I'm new at this. There are bound to be mistakes."

Thursday, September 28, 2006
For Mycaelus, A Franken-Meme I Pieced Together Out Of Several.
Made out for more than 10 minutes:

Made out with 2 different people in one night?
I'm sure I did when I was young, playing spin the bottle or to win a bet or shock someone. I've always been a total makeout slut.

Thought your cousin was hot?
Not hot. But when I was really young, like too young to know that was like illegal or weird, I thought one of my cousins was cute.

Taken a shower with someone of the opposite sex:
Well, those pesky water shortages .... *giggle*

Gotten in a car with people you just met?
When I've had car trouble, or carpooling to a party with friends of a friend or something.

Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
I'm actually been insanely lucky that way.

Been arrested?
I was cleared of all charges and that's all I have to say. *cough*

Made out with a stranger?
*laugh* Define 'stranger.'

Had a crush on your neighbor?
When I was a little girl. *nostalgic sigh* Eric. He lived across the street. Then later, Justin, his little brother. Then Eric again.

Kissed a picture?
Not if I can help it. If I find myself wanting to kiss a picture, I set the picture down and go find the person in the picture. MUCH better.

Slept in until 3pm?
No, I've never been able to sleep in later than noonish.

Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
That sounds fun. *lays down on the floor in the lobby.* *watches cloud shapes go by* That WAS fun. I haven't done that since I was kid.

Made a snow angels?
I make really cool snow angels. When you go to get up, you gotta kinda dance out of them to avoid footprints. A pullyouup buddy helps.

Fallen asleep at work/school?
No, I don't fall asleep well if I'm sitting up. If I can lay down, I can sleep anywhere. But never sitting up at a desk.

Felt an earthquake?
Oooooooo, those are FUN.

Touched a snake?
I always have this strange urge to pat their heads. I like snakes. I'd have one except that I have a really difficult time feeding anything alive to an animal, so snakes are pretty much out.

Been suspended from school?
Oh no. Never. Teachers always loved me. I got away with murder.

Been to the opposite side of the country?
Lived in New Jersey for awhile.

Felt like dying from embarrassment?
No, I have too much of a sense of humor for that. I just CAN'T take myself that seriously. Even when I should.

Sang karaoke?
Got a standing ovation, thankyouverymuch.

Done something you told yourself you would never do?
You haven't lived if you haven't found yourself in that position. But I rarely say I'll never do something.

Kissed in the rain?
Yes, but not enough. It doesn't rain much here.

Sang in the shower?
Yep, bits of old country songs, mostly.

Had a dream that you married someone?
I marry everyone in my dreams.

Played getting married?
Naw. In my waking hours I rarely think about it.

Got your tongue stuck to a frozen flag pole?
Where would I find a frozen flag pole around here? It's frickin' California.

Ever gone to school partially nude?
*blinks* Oddly, this never occured to me.

Been considered a freak?
Without a doubt.

Didn't take a shower for a week?
EW, no. Longest I ever went was on a camping trip. I felt so gross that I washed my hair and rinsed off in a bucket by the third day.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
Pushed? No. Jumped, heck yeah.

Been told you're hot by a complete stranger?
Ooooo, yes, and it's so flattering. The best was when some guy held up a note to his car window. Dangerous but totally made my day.

Broken a bone?
Collarbone and assorted fingers and toes.

Been easily amused?
Every day of my life. I think it's one of my best assests. I go through life giggling.

Played a prank on someone?
No. That wasn't me. It was NEVER me. *shifty eyes* What? Why are you looking at me?

Failed a class?
No, I'm hyper competative when it comes to school. I wonder why I'm not competative in anything else.

Sat on Santa's Lap?
Naturally. Santa and I are tight, yo.

Did you celebrate the 4th of July?
Yeah. By watching poor Mau get freaked by the fireworks. Poor guy. *muffled snicker* It's not funny. *giggle-snort*

Made parents cry?
Mine, certainly. Other peoples'? Hmmmm. I doubt it.

Owned more than 5 sharpies?
At any given time, I prolly have 5 sharpies on me.

Dated someone more than once?
Jadon and I were on and off for awhile.

Been in a band?
I played tamborine in Hodgepodge and the Spirals. Or at least I would have if it had been a real band.

Drank 25 sodas in a day?
Dear God. I'd DIE. My teeth would fall out of my head. I think I had six root beers in one day once, when I was in Jr High. You can do that to yourself when you're in Jr High.

Thought about what people would say at your funeral?
They'd prolly say, "Check and make sure she's really dead before we start talking about her."

What color is your razor?

Have you ever changed the wording in a question/added a question to a survey you didn't create?
Lemme put it this way. This question was orginally #106.

How many chairs at the dining room table?
Three. The fourth is at the desk.

Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince Theme Song?
*hums to self*
I think I can stumble through most of it. It would be easier to sing along to it.

Did you go to summer camp?
Oh yes, every summer. By high school I had the air seasoned sophistocation that comes with having slept in every sort of bunk bed imaginable. I'm a great packer, thanks to all those camps.

Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning?
Now that you mention it, I know you say touche if someone makes a good point, but I have no idea what it actually means.

Do you like to sleep?
Not really. I wish I didn't have to sleep, I could get so much more done.

Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang?
Sure, if you're giving one away. I like yellow.

What's something you always wanted?
My own house with lots of land. To work from home. My own zoo.

Do you have hairy legs?
Sure. Lots of them. At home.

How many fillings do you have?
None. *stickes out tongue* My dentist says I have great teeth.

Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
Ocean. Lakes feel stagnant and slimey to me unless they're really big.

Do you wear a lot of black?
Yes, but not a lot of black with black. I wear it as a neutral with really colorful stuff to avoid looking like a clown.

Describe your hair:
I lose a lot of hair. Constantly. I shed. I'm not going bald or anything, so I must grow a lot of hair too. No wonder I'm tired. I'm massproducing hair.

Are you an adult?
Yes, a fact that shocks me occasionally.

Do you think you have a good handle on spelling?
I doubt it.

Does your face turn red when you're angry?
Not unless I'm also crying.

When you're mad do you keep quiet or scream/yell?
I get quieter and slower and over-articulate each word.

Has anyone ever thrown you a surprise party?
Our exchange students and my mother tried to throw one for my 16th birthday, but someone spilled the beans the morning of. Since I knew, and they knew I knew, but the guests didn't know I knew, I figured mischief was in order. Instead of going to mall as planned, I hid beind the couch. Maki and Suzy slipped me candy while the guests arrived. My dad pulled up and my mom told everyone to turn off the lights and duck down. My dad walked in alone, and my mother and he pretended to fight about where I was and who was supposed to pick me up.
At which point I jumped up and yelled SURPRISE!! One of my friends wet herself a little. Good times.

Are you easily excited?
I dunno about easily, but about strange things.

What event is coming up that you're most excited about?
MK's birthday party tonight, Nick coming home tomorrow, I move in less than two weeks!

Which of your friends is most excitable?
As excitable as they all are, prolly me or Coco.

If you could have anything right now what would it be?
My Knickers home. Or world peace.

Where were you born?
In a hospital not far from where I live.

How do you want to die?
I'd have to go with falling out of a hot air ballon.

Gay Marriage?
It's not any of my business if two straight people wanna get married, why is it my business if two gay people wanna get married? I can't imagine why it's such an issue. The argument that it undermines marriage is laughable to me. The idea that marriage is about anything but love, I think THAT undermines the meaning of marriage.

Lowering the drinking age?
I think the voting and drinking age should be the same. But I'm not sure which one should change.

I think focusing on abortion is missing the point. What kind of a world have we created that we're not excited to bring new life into?

Hells-yeah. Isn't it illegal not to anyway?

Who is the best "kisser" that you know?
Oh easy. Nick. And I'm not just saying that because he's the one I'm currently kissing. He's seriously the best kisser EVER. And I would know.

Whats the closest object to you that is purple?
The label on my V8 Splash juice. Berry blend. It's good.

Today Did You...

Talk to a boy/girl you like today?
No. *heavy sigh* Hopefully later. I have a million things to tell him, half of which are some form of 'I love you.'

Realize anything new?
I talk to myself a LOT when I'm alone.

Talk to an ex?
Yeah, Paul was showing me some of his latest jewelry designs. Very pretty stuff.

Miss someone?
Like CRAZY. I miss the feel of his skin. I miss the way he purses his lips sometimes when he's reading. It's very kissable. I miss his freckles and his kisses and his jokes.

Who was the last person who ...

Slept in your bed?
Mau and a pillow that smells like My Nick.

Saw you cry?
Nick, but the tears cleared up pretty quick when he kissed me and told me he loves me.

You went to the movies with?
Lola, Nick and Monica.

Went to the mall with you?
Lola, the other night. I was looking for an outfit for MK's birthday party tonight. Shockingly, I don't own a lot of fetish club type stuff. I almost bought a cute little black riding crop, but I read somewhere that if you carry a weapon you're likely to have it used on you, so I passed.

You said "i love you" to and meant it?
I ALWAYS mean it. Anyway, it was prolly one of the usual suspects, Nick, Lola, Coworker She of the Lovely Curls.

That made you laugh?
Lola. "I just got thrown out for vlogging!"

Said they loved you?
Hmmm. One of the usual suspects, My Nick, Lola, or Coworker She of the Lovely Curls.

What book are you reading?
Lamb by Christopher Moore, From Beginning to End by Robert Fulghum, and a sci-fi mystery novel reccomended to me by a coworker and it's surprisingly good.

Best feeling in the world?
When Nick pulls me close and kisses my forehead or cheek, then just kinda stays right there for a minute and takes a deep breath.
Or when Lou writes on her myspace that because of me, she's proud of who she is.
Or when Mau scrunches up his face, even his whiskers, when I'm scratching his chin.

Favorite location?
See above.

What are you most scared of right now?
There is this vague fear that now that I have this great life, that something will take it all away. But I don't listen to that voice, 'cause you just can't live like that.

Where do you want to get married?
Someplace private. Not a lot of people. Someplace meaningful to both me and who I'm marrying.

Who do you really hate?
I can't think of anyone, really. Hate is so much work.

Does anyone hate you?
Yeah, but only people that I'm comfortable having hate me. I'm rather proud of the enemies I have. It's a pretty good indication of my character.

Do you like being around people?
Most people, some of the time.

Song stuck in your head right now?
Everlasting Love by Gloria Estafan. It's on my myspace.

Ever liked someone, but you think they never noticed you?
*laughs* I never have trouble being noticed.

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
Certainly not after they treated me like crap. That's so not hot.

What color shirt are you wearing?
Bright green.

Name three things that you do every day.
Blog, drink a lot of water, and daydream.

How much cash do you have on you right now?
Couple bucks.

What did you have for dinner last night?
Lola made the most amazing chicken and mashed potatos.

What web site do you visit the most?
You're readin' it.

Do you have plants in your room?
Not that I know of.

Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Oh you know. The usuals. The bad shoulder, the wooky neck, the spiral spine.

Where was your last cab ride?
When Lola, Nick and I went to TJ and got stranded at the trolley station in the middle of the night.

Would you have a problem if your friend went after your ex?
Depends on the ex and the friend, I suppose, but most likely it wouldn't bother me at all. I don't know why people tend to get worked up over that kind of stuff. Seems petty somehow.

It's The Little Things.
Everyday, as Nick and I drive home, we pass a furniture store. Traffic always backs up right there, so as we sit, we ponder the 'wacky-waving-inflatable-tube-man,' as we call him. We like him. He's sorta an inside joke, except that it's not really a joke, just a thing between us. Nick once showed me this comedy sketch or something, about a warehouse of wacky-waving-inflatable-tube-men and their many uses, and it comes to both our minds every day as we pass. "Keep grandma company?"
Just one of the phrases that has become part of our couple's language.

The store got a new wacky-waving-inflatable-tube-man.
I wanted to tell Nick right away.

And just that little thing brought one of those acute pangs of missing him, of grinding my teeth a little at the UNFAIRNESS of his not being right there, right then.

Another Actual Conversation
Sarah Smile - "[Cool Salesguy] are you ok?"

Cool Salesguy - *limps, grimaces* "Yeah."

Accounting Girl - "He needs to go to a doctor."

Sarah Smile - "Or the mall to find that one scrawny guy that every mall has, who sells other people's perscriptions. That would work too."

Today I Have The Urge To -
  • Stay home, sip ginger ale and listen to old records.
  • Pick apples.
  • Take a nap in a hammock in the sun, cuddled up to Nick.
  • Wear a sweater that buttons up the front, with really big buttons.
  • Stretch.
  • Read O. Henry while soaking in the tub.
  • Take a walk someplace I've never walked before.
  • Lay on my stomach on the floor, swinging my feet in the air, alternately reading a biography and daydreaming.
  • Sock dance on a wood floor.
  • Hear someone confirm my suspicion that my hair looks really cute today.
  • Buy scented soaps.
  • Make my own pet toys.
  • Wear mascara.
  • Sit on a giant porch swing with Colsy, MK and 'Rez. And learn to knit.
  • Pack.

Daydreaming about doing all those things, it's not the same, but it's enough.

So Then I Said ...
... while staring at the new dustbuster sitting on my desk, "Yeah, I think the Small Appliance Fairy has a thing for me."

Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Distractions of the Day.
I know I've been a bit scarce today.
Place blame here. (link from MK)

Here, here, here, here and here. I love advice colums.

And lastly, how on EARTH did I NOT know about this?! Seriously people. Why didn't you tell me?

So Then I Said ....
... "I wanna be the brightest crayon in the box. No, not metaphorically. Literally, I mean, how much fun would it be to be a crayon? The copper one, I'm thinking."

Nick, I Miss You. Yes, Already.
I haven't learned anything new about bikes the past couple days.
I can't figure out why season one of Scrubs won't play in the media player.
Mau, (who always waits by the door for me to get home from work) now he greets me, then goes back to sitting by the door.
Dulce doesn't like my cooking as much as yours.
I miss how youd'd pop out of the bedroom to share something you just learned online, and look so damn cute 'cause you're all excited about it.
Nobody snuck up behind me and kissed my neck while I did the dishes.
I dunno if these new pants make my butt look as good as I think they do.
Your pillow smells like you.

There is just nothing like you.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006
If you search for "boyfriend gorgeous" at Windows Live, My Nick comes in seventh.


Another Actual Conversation
My Nick - *comes out of the bedroom wearing just pants*

Sarah Smile - "You look yummy. Say, do you remember like a year ago, when you posted a picture of yourself rock climbing?"

My Nick - "Yeah, I remember that."

Sarah Smile - "You were wearing just those pants. Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls accused me of oogling at that picture."

*one hour later*

Sarah Smile - "I should admit that the reason Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls accused me of oogling was because that picture was my desktop background. For like a day and an half."

3,000 Words.
From the waist up, this mannequin looks just like Ike. (I suspect the resemblance ends there.)

I tried this same thing to keep Nick from leaving. Didn't work.

Have you ever seen anything so cute in your life? No? You haven't? Correct.

Coco and Lou are as fun as they look.

As Usual, My Homie In Marketing Liked The Idea A Lot, But Isn't Sure We Could Get It Approved.
Story of my life, man. Story of my life.
*shakes head*

I got the idea this morning, when the maintainence guy asked why there were two folding tables* set up out front and I told him that they were altars for lamb slaughter, for our Orthodox Jewish** employees. "Happy Yom Kippur," I added.
He looked really disturbed until he remembered who he was talking to, and laughed.

But then I was thinking about how the Events committee is always looking for ideas for employee morale activities and stuff. Why not tap into the richness that obscure religious holidays? Plenty of inspiration there, and cultural diversity, all at once.

Drum circle on the full moons?
A We're All Gonna Die! party on 12-21-12?
A Bring Your Babies To Work day to celebrate the festival of Cybele, the Phrygian fertility goddess on the Spring Equinox?

* Actually they had been left out from the ice cream social yesterday.
** They do not sacrifice lambs. I was just trying to freak him out.

Just Another Tuesday At Work.
I came in this morning to find a CB radio on my desk, and a motorcycle parked in an empty cubicle in the Engineering wing.

My life is never boring.

And if nobody claims the CB soon, I'm gonna assume it was a present.
*eyes light up*

THIS could be fun.

Monday, September 25, 2006
It's A Love Story, Of Sorts.
I keep a scrapbook, full of mementos of happy times, old love letters, pictures, that sort of thing. I came across a train ticket the other night. It came from a time in my life that I can honestly describe as rock bottom. I'd just moved back to San Diego, with a boyfriend who quickly became an ex, after he threw me into a wall in a fit of jealous anger.
I gathered a few of my things and snuck my cat Maximus out of the apartment. My car had recently died. The job I'd lined up before I moved, well, it lasted a week before the manager had laid me off.
I called my brother and he said to come and he'd see what he could do for me. (Jesse never fails.)
Mau didn't care much for being stuffed in a backpack, but when I saw the bus coming I had to hide him. I plunked down in my seat.
Mau let out a plaintive cry. I let him out, worried that someone would rat me out to the bus driver. To the contrary, when I looked up, I met the eyes of everyone around me, and each one winked and smiled. When I had to put him back in the backpack at the train station, one nice toothless man coughed to cover Mau's indignation.
Mau was actually perfectly quiet as I bought my ticket, and fortunately the last train was leaving right away. I hopped on and tried to find a seat as private as possible.
I let Mau out to sit on the seat next to me.
When the conductor came by to check tickets, I threw my coat over him as quickly as possible. (I know, I know, poor Mau, now you know why I spoil him as much as possible) When I handed him my ticket, he frowned.
"Why didn't you have this validated?"
My eyes widened. And filled.
"You were supposed to validate the ticket at at the machines at the station. There were signs all over them."
"I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't see them."
"I'm supposed to make you exit the train and buy another. There's a lot of fraud with these lately," he said doubtfully.
My eyes were brimming with tears, this was the last of my money, and the last train. If he threw me out at the next station, I'd be sleeping at it. With poor Mau.
The tears were about to run down my cheeks, but I didn't dare break eye contact because then he might notice Mau squirming under my coat.
Just when I thought for sure the tears would start rolling, he smiled. (It made a world of difference to his face.) He said, "It's ok. I'll just sign it here, so none of the other conductors down the line should bother you."
He walked on.
I wiped my eyes.

After that the train began to fill up. Two college guys sat down in the seats facing me. I smiled wanly, but didn't say a word, hoping they wouldn't rat me out. After a few minutes, one of them leaned in and said, "There's a conductor coming. Might wanna....," and gestured to Mau, who I covered again in the nick of time. (Incidentally, Mau does not enjoy peekaboo, this might be why.)

They left shortly after, and a well dressed older gentleman took their place. I pretended to be absorbed in my book, avoiding attention as best as possible, because I was certain that executive looking man would be a stickler for the rules.
When yet another conductor looked doubtful at the first conductor's signature, the man spoke up.
"We're together, sir. I was supposed to validate both our tickets, but I must have forgotten. So sorry, but you can see mine is validated, and we're riding together. " He looked at me. "Sorry dear."
The conductor nodded, and moved on.
The gentleman reached out.
"Would you like to switch tickets?"
I smiled as best I could and spoke around the solid knot of tears and fears that had been building in the back of my throat.
"Thank you, but the next stop is mine. I'll be alright."
He looked concerned.
"My brother is waiting for me."
He nodded, looking more at ease.
"I just forgot to validate it, really."
He nodded again.

My brother put me up in a hotel under his name, to throw off my ex if he tried to find me. Whether or not he did try to find me, I don't know. I stayed there as long as my brother could afford, and then Bunny took me in, and the rest is a tale of baby steps to a better life.
But I'll never forgot the strangers that surrounded me that one day.

See, when someone you love, and who professes to love you, hurts you in a fit of anger, the most damage isn't to your body. You start to doubt yourself, your instincts, and people as a whole.
So to find unexpected kindness that day, it healed a part of my heart, even before the bruises faded.

This Weekend ...
... Nick and I watched every single episode of Scrubs.
We snuggled and giggled and Nick made smoothies which tasted just the way christmas trees smell, in a good way, and I soaked up all the love.
And then we took a bike ride.
That's it. That's pretty much all we did.
It was glorious.

And now he's gone.
All week.
A bike conference for work.
And I'll miss him even more than Dulce will.

I Got Stickers!
And with them, lots of little friends.

'Mookie, my dear, my darling, my patron saint.
I love my stickers.
Thank you thank you thank you!

I'm sure you can imagine how insanely happy they make me.

Wanna Analyse My Dreams?
I had a dream that I was a little kid, and my friend and I were playing in the woods when we were kidnapped by a half dozen evil people who were plotting something. They blew up some trees, and were working up to something bigger. I was really scared at first, watching them blow up trees. But after a few days in their mountain hideaway, it just got boring. I overheard the main chick stressing about the budget for this evil plan, and when they asked me to mail out the payroll, and I agreed, 'cause I like stuffing envelopes and it was something to do and I just laughed to myself as the evil guards fought because the mountain lair only had one bathroom.
And I woke up giggling.

Later, I dreamed that it was Christmas and Nick got me a baby owl, which I named Hector, despite her being female.

Tell me what it all means. If you don't know, please make up something (flattering).

I Have A Sinking Feeling ...

... that this bunny disapproves of me entirely.

More disapproval here, thanks to BOT for the link!

Friday, September 22, 2006
Couple things.
The lovely Loretta Lou needs our inspiration.
For yearbook, she needs a few good survey type questions, on that inspires short, quick and witty answers from high schoolers.

I've got -

"What did you want to wear for your school picture that you weren't allowed to?"
"Who do you wish went to this school?"
"Of what you're wearing right now, what do you think you'll be most likely to roll your eyes at in five years?"
"Quick poll - Do you think you'd fit in your locker?"
"Favorite Jewish person?"

Also, I got a packet from Pick Up Stix today in the mail, with coupons and some word magnets. So far of the word magnets I've got -
"Must deliver dragon or else!!"
"I am one spicy hot love wonton."
"Shrimp can have good life in steamy pagoda."
And I felt like sharing that.

Lastly, don't forget to party like it's 5767!

That's Strange.
I really didn't think this sort of thing was legal anymore.

My New Favorite Website

Sex inspires your devotion to the welfare of humanity? That's hands down the best excuse I've ever heard.

I can't stop laughing at his FACE. He just looks so thrilled about it!

I wanna print these out and post them around. Because I CARE.

More here. Thanks to Mr. Sun for the link.

Another Actual Conversation
Sarah Smile - "So Lola says she got a new pet."

MyNick - "Really, what did she get?"

Sarah Smile - "Dunno, she would only say it was furry. I guessed all the obvious choices, cat, dog, bunny, guinea pig, mouse, rat, hamster, chinchilla, etc."

MyNick - "Perhaps its something very exotic."

Sarah Smile - "Well, she did go to the zoo yesterday. Perhaps she ........... oh my."

*exchange of worried looks*

You Know What I Love About The Words "I Love You"?
It's the only phrase I know that doesn't lose it's meaning or impact when it's said often. It adds up, really. Like, "I love you as much as I did the last time I said so, plus more."

Thursday, September 21, 2006
For Mycaelus, Who Likes My Memes.
-> ringtone: Love Shack. But don't tell, because sometimes I pretend its on vibrate so I can fake phone calls to escape people.
-> middle name: Anne. But I'm really intrigued by the fact that Emily (Nick's sister) filled this out with "I'm not sure." I'm dying to know, but not right away. I'm having too much fun thinking up scenerios involving spys and infant amnesia. Maybe she has like 18 names, after a bunch of saints, like in Mexico, and she's not sure which one is in the exact middle. *chuckling and pondering*
-> pets name: *laughs* Ok, you want all their names? You want their FULL names? My fingers will cramp!

-> is your hair: It's actually two colors right now. No, not on purpose. Grrrrr.
-> are your eyes: We covered this in depth already, but the short answer is green.
-> are your socks: Not wearing any socks.
-> is your shirt: Red.

-> the closest thing to your left hand? A framed picture of the handsomest man in the world.
-> what's in your pockets?: *checking* Er, a falling star? My hopes and dreams? Lint?
-> are you thirsty: Yes, actually. Hold on. *crosses over to the water cooler and fills the walrus bottle* Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Much better.
-> what are you sitting on: An office chair. It twirls. Weeeeeeeeeeeee!

-> where are your parents: I imagine my dad is at work, in San Francisco. No idea where my mother is. The Kingdom of Omaha, perhaps?
-> song listening to: The one on my myspace. I stole it from Colsy.

-> cookies or candy: Those strawberry candies whose wrappers look like a strawberry.
-> school or work: Work. I love it here.
-> apple or banana: Apple. Crisp, crunchy ones that are a smidge on the tart side, yum!
-> shower or bath: Bath. I do my best daydreaming in the bathtub.
-> cingular or verizon: TMobile.
-> ps2 or xbox: I couldn't tell them apart if you PAID me.

-> animal: Whichever animal is closest to me at the moment is my favorite. So currently my favorite animal is either My Chica in Marketing's little red beta fish "Valentine" or that big hawk circling outside the lobby.
-> coin: Pennies!! I love pennies. They fascinate me. Even the shiny new ones seem older somehow than all the silvery coins, which seem so sterile and boring. Pennies could tell good stories. I used to hoard pennies as a kid, not for their monatery value, but to pretend they were treasure.
-> pokemon: *blinks* How on earth would I even kno- WAIT!! I DO know a pokemon! I remembered because it was so much fun to say! Squirtle! Sometimes I say "Squirtle, squirtle, squirtle," like to the tune of the dreidal song. It's FUN. And that is the ONLY thing I know about pokemon. WAIT!! I know another pokemon fact. William Hung collects pokemon cards. Ok, that's all I know about pokemon. That's prolly all I need to know. Ever.
-> clothes brand: Anthropologie.

-> what do you wish you were doing right now: Can I do a whole post on this later?
-> what was the last thing you bought: Turkey and avocado on sourdough with spicy mustard sammich. YUM.
-> are you wearing a belt: Nope, just naked beltloops. And suspenders. Ok, not really about the suspenders. I wish. Oooooooo, I should buy suspenders. Interesting ones. And cover them in pins and stuff. (See why I need other people to dress me?)
-> what was the last thing you did besides this: Play with my new Intel Moonmen. I was pretending they were crimefighters who could fly. I think that vendor who walked in was freaked.
-> When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?: Hey I look pretty cute. Seriously. I look cute when I've just woken up. Plus the little mirror in my bathroom is pretty flattering.
-> What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR"?: Amour, bookstore, contour, downpour, encore, folklore, galore, heartsore, ignore, lore, moor, nor, oar, postwar, restore, senor, threescore, uproar, whore, your, someone PLEASE make me a poem out of this, please oh please oh please.
-> Favorite planet?: Saturn. It looks like it's hulahooping, so I suspect it's a very jolly place, like being on a carnival ride.
-> Who is the 4th person on your received call list on your mobile?: It's a secret. From ME even. I don't have my phone handy. Odds say Nick or Lola.
-> What's the last text message you recieved say? Again, that shall have to remain a mystery.
-> What shirt are you wearing?: It's red, knit. 3/4 sleeves, tshirt neckline. Pretty basic.
-> Do you "label" yourself?: Sometimes I stamp myself with the bank endorsement stamp for the checks I process. Or the date stamp. "Recieved Sept. 21st, 2006" *giggle* Sometimes I stamp other people too, if they're having trouble remembering the date.
-> Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing: Can't see one so lets just say cheap but cutesy knock offs.
-> Bright or Dark Room?: In between. Bright enough to read, or see who I'm groping.
-> What do you think about the last person who took this survey?: I think she doesn't know what to think of me. I'm an aquired taste, so *crosses fingers*....
-> What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching old Scrubs episodes, coszied up to My Nick, staying up late because I was too happy to sleep.
-> What did your last text message you sent say? Prolly something along the lines of 'Cool, see you then,' or 'see you there!' because I never know when a text message conversation is over so I always have the last word.
-> What's a word that you say a lot?: SWEET. I know. I'm a dork. It's part of my aquired tastiness!
-> Who told you he/she loved you last?: Nick or Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls.
-> What food are you dying to eat right now?: Rolled Tacos. And a peach.
-> How many drugs have you done in the last three days?: Hmmm. Just painkillers and vitamins I think. *checks with Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls* Yeah.
-> How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? None at the moment. But when I was 19, my boyfriend at the time developed a roll that he found lying around in my drawers, and it turned out to be almost ten years old.
-> Favorite age you have been so far?: This one. It's pretty much always been whatever age I'm at. It just keeps getting better.
-> Your worst enemy?: Those stupid toilet paper holders that only let you take like three squares. Exactly who's best interest is it in for me to skimp on the TP?
-> What is your current desktop picture?: Me and the Knickers.
-> What was the last thing you said to someone?: "It'll be our little secret."
-> If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you do: FLY. I would give ANYTHING to fly.
-> Do you like someone?: Aren't y'all gettin' sick of hearing about that?
-> If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet for them?: The last person I spoke to was a coworker who gave me a great neck massage so YES. I WOULD.
-> If you could punch one person in the face who's in your life right now, who would it be?: Someone who was cruel to an unnamed animal?
-> What is the closest object to your left foot?: My right foot.
-> What are you going to do now: Well, My Nickel will be here any minute, and we're going to Lola's tonight to help her pack.

-> drink: Water. From the walrus water bottle.
-> song you played: The one on my myspace again.
-> place you went: The little beauty queens' room. To, you know, powder my nose.
-> person you thought about: Y'all, naturally. *blows kisses*

Another Actual Conversation
Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - "Blah, blah, blah, boys, etc."

Sarah Smile - "Blah, blah, blah, boys, etc."

Buddy in Sales - *standing nearby*

Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - "Blah, blah, blah, boys, etc."

Sarah Smile - "Blah, blah, blah, boys, etc."


Buddy in Sales - "Hi. I've got this order to process...."

Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - *joking* "Do you mind? We're having an important conversation here."

Buddy in Sales - "I waited until you were done."

Sarah Smile - "We're girls. We're NEVER done."

Dunno If This Makes Me More Crazy Or More Sane.
Whenever I'm feeling discontented with my life in anyway, I think about being 16 years old again.
No, not that I want to be 16 again. Quite to the contrary.

The 16 year old me would think my life ROCKS.
From her perspective, I have everything I could want.

A car.
No curfew.
I can see R rated movies and buy liquor without fear of getting caught.
I have my own place.
No homework.
No restrictions on my internet use or what I can watch on TV.
I can wear whatever the hell I want.
My best friend isn't gonna get grounded right before my big sleepover.
I don't have to worry about waking anyone up during my big sleepover parties.
I can throw big sleepover parties anytime I want.
I have like, the cutest boyfriend ever.

I'm so free, and a job and bills are a small price to pay.

Joke of the Day
If the pizza was a pie chart of What People Would Do If They Won The Lottery, that fucker gave me the Give It To Charity slice.
Yes, I would like to exchange this for the Keep It.

- Mitch Hedberg

Wednesday, September 20, 2006
1. When is the last time you held hands with someone?
This morning on the drive to work.

2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
I'm surprisingly tough when I need to be. I'd prolly survive combat, but die back in the trenches by tripping over my own gun or something stupid like that.

3. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton?
I got into that bad habit while living alone, and I can't seem to unlearn it. Oh well, the only other person who drinks the milk in my fridge is used to my spit by now.

4. Have you ever won a spelling bee?
*rolls eyes* If you read this, I'm sure you can guess whether or not THAT has ever happened.

5. How fast can you type?
Pretty damn fast, thanks to messenger programs. They've doubled my typing speed.

6. Are you afraid of the dark?
Usually not, unless something else is freaking me out, and then the dark just makes it worse.

7. Eye color?
Green on the outside, gold in the middle, so the color they appear depends on how big my pupil is.

8. When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower?
Sunday morning, I think.

9. Do you knock on wood?
I bump into furniture a lot, does that count? Other than that, I'm not supersitious.

10. Are you drinking anything right now?
Water. From my walrus shaped water bottle.

11. Do you think you're attractive?
Yes, particularly in some spots.

12. Can you hoola hoop?
Better than I can jump rope.

13. Are you good at keeping secrets?
Yes. Very. Unless it's from my brother or Nick.

14. What do you want for Christmas?
A wacky waving inflatable tube man. Seriously.

15. Do you know the Muffin Man?
Do I? I'm bad with names. Maybe if I saw him ........

16. Do you talk in your sleep?
I'm told I do.

17. Who wrote the book of love?
Robert Fulghum.

18. Have you ever flown a kite?
Yes! It's so fun!

19. Do you consider yourself successful?
At the things that matter, yes. At jumping rope, no, I'm a dismal failure.

20. How many people are on your contact list of your cell?
Everyone that matters.

21. Have you ever asked for a pony?
Yep. Got one. Then got another one.

22. Plans for tomorrow?
Kiss Nick. Work. Kiss Nick. Track down some moving boxes. Cook dinner. Pet the kitties. Kiss Nick.

23. Missing someone now?
No, but I will next week while Nick is gone.

24. When was the last time you told someone 'I love you'?
This morning to Nick. No wait. At work today. To Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls.

25. How are you feeling today?
Good. A bit tired, Nick and I stayed up late last night doing laundry and watching old episodes of Scrubs.

26. Are happy with your life right now?

27. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school?
Nope. Everyone loved me in school.

28. What are you looking forward to?
Oooooo, can I make a whole post of this?

29. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Sure. Lots of times.

30. Have you ever eaten dog food?
When I was a curious little girl. It was quite bland. I felt sorry for my dog.

31. Can you handle the truth?
If I'm well rested and my hair is behaving.

32. Do you like green eggs and ham?
Not particularly.

33. What 3 things do you always bring with you to places?
Chapstick. A book. Mints.

34. Any cool scars?
Yes! One on my lower back that's a combo cut/burn.

35. Do you like or have a crush on anyone?
Well, *blush* there's this boy named Nick. He makes my tummy flipflop and my fingers tingle.

36. How many kids do you plan on having?
I'll let you know after I've had one.

37. What do you do when no one is watching?

38. Have you ever been in love?
Oh have I ever.

39. Do you talk to yourself?
On a regular basis.

40. Is there something you want that you can't have?
A nap.

41. Things about the opposite sex that you first notice?
I'm not really sure. I mean, I know what attacts me to any particular person, but its usually different for each person.

42. What are you thinking about right now?
My grocery list.

43. Who did you last hug?
My Nick. *contented sigh*

44. Who did you last kiss?
My Nick. *impatient glance at the clock*

45. Where is your phone?
Right next to me.

46. What was the last thing you ate?
A sugar cookie.

47. Favorite Color?

48. What is the last movie watched?
Bambi. In french.

49. What song do you currently hear?
Snow Patrol's Make This Go On Forever. Great song.

50. What do you want?
A vacation.

51. Would you ever date anyone on your friends list?
I am. *grin* It's lovely.


Why is it that when people find out I have goldfish they always sniff and suggest what sort of fish I should get instead?
I love my goldfish.
I maintain that they are the perfect pet.
They are ridiculously hardy. I haven't lost a goldfish yet. I have every reason to expect they'll live 10 years.
They're insanely cheap, as pets go.
They require very little. A secondhand tank, a $30 filter, and a $5 bottle of water conditioner and you're in business. Even the filter is optional.
An occasional filter cartridge change and a daily feeding is all the time required. No handling poop.
And my goldfish know me.
They rush up to the side of the tank to greet me.
They hang out at the end of the tank closest to me.
They're whole bodies wag when I feed them.
And you really can pet them.
They don't bark, shed or require a pet sitter.

Top that with your boring, expensive, fragile, "exotic" fish.

Another Actual Conversation
Sarah Smile - "Hi. Have you seen a guy in a red sweatshirt?"

Salesclerk - "Right this way."

Sarah Smile - *follows*

Salesclerk - "Here they are."

Sarah Smile - "Uh, these are nice and all, but I was looking for a guy IN a red sweatshirt."

Salesclerk - "Oh."

Happiness Is .....
......... finding 37 cents and five Mike 'n Ike's candies in your pocket.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I Love My Lobby

Elsie, my cow, makes sure I get my work done.

Another Actual Conversation
*Sarah Smile and MyNick leave a church rumage sale*

Sarah Smile *driving* - "So. Uh. Nick?"

MyNick - "Yeah?"

Sarah Smile - "We really can't ever go back there. I'm really sorry, but they think you abuse me."

MyNick - "What? Why?"

Sarah Smile - "I'm sorry, it's just that one of the sale volunteers asked me what happened to my arm, and I said 'Exactly what my boyfriend said would happen to me if I didn't put the oven door all the way down' and he didn't get it, like he thought you'd done something to me for not cooking right, and I could tell he was suddenly looking around at the other volunteers trying to make eye contact, like 'WhatdoIsay? WhodoIreportthisto?' and when I tried to explain, 'No, it's was my fault, really, he warned me' it just seemed to make it worse, so that's when I came over to you and said I was ready to leave."

Firstly, this SLAYS me.
"I can't imagine how weird it must have been to have some woman run onto a train, shove a skull in your hand and tell you it's yours. So I'm just writing this to let you know it wasn't a voodoo ritual, an ominous mafia warning, a gang initiation, or a misguided attempt at getting to know you better. I truly thought you dropped your skull."

Second, it is with fondness and a tug at the heartstrings that Nick and I will be moving out of the Postage Stamp apartment next month. We will be taking over Lola's lease when she moves to Portland. It's undoubtably a smart move, since this place will be bigger, in a better neighborhood, I can paint the walls, I'll have my own washer/dryer, it's closer to work and I can have a dog (or six). And believe it or not, it's cheaper. Nick's bikes will have their own room. I'll have a ittybitty craft room/closet. Mentally I'm already arranging the furniture and shuffling through paint samples. I will love it.
But I don't love it YET, and I will prolly cry when I leave my sweet little apartment. For the last two years it's been my own little refuge, the first place I rented entirely on my own. I will miss my neighbors, Twink, that one kitchen drawer that won't close. So much laughter has soaked into it's walls that it radiates back at me.
I will also prolly cry when it comes time to move the giant heavy bookcase.

Thirdly, I need one of those cone thingies they put on dogs to keep them from biting at their stitches. You know when I burned my arm? Well, five days of bandaids, and pulling them off daily to clean it has left the skin around the burn almost as irritated as the burn itself, and at this point I want to CHEW on it.
Please continue sending candy.

Another Actual IM Conversation
Ike says:
hey babes
how are you? it's a chilly 12 C here today

SarahSmile says:
It's warm today.
And dry.
Very dry.

Ike says:
the opposite

SarahSmile says:
The air blows in from the desert this time of year.

Ike says:
that sounds romantic

SarahSmile says:
Yes, but really it just means that the sand in the air makes your nose run, but the dry air dries it, so you've got really big itchy boogers in your nose and you're fighting the urge to pick it all the time.
Which is not so romantic.

So Then I Said .....
........ "I haven't seen Bambi since I was a little girl and I freaked out in the theater. No wait, that was The Fox and the Hound. No wait, that was Bambi too."

(Incidently, after having watched Bambi with french dubbing, I can say it's better that way. Somehow. I can't explain it. But it's better that way.)

So Then I Said ..........
......... "Wow. I haven't seen a 'Baby on Board' sign since .............................................................."

Monday, September 18, 2006
It's Like This.

I'm Ageless. Apparently.
So I'm at Pete's 12th birthday party.
The boys are re-enacting a battle scene, from LOTR or Star Wars, I'm not sure which. Bunny and I fill up a bunch of water ballons and come around the corner of the house. One of Pete's friends sends up the alarm.
"It's the MOMS!!"
"The moms have water ballons!"
"Ahhhh, run!"

I turned to Bunny. "I'm a mom?"
She laughed.
I asked, "Can I use your phone? I need to go scare the crap outta a few people. I'm a mom!!"

I was happy. Maybe I'm finally looking my age.
But then later one of the mothers and I were chatting when she came to pick up her son.
She told me that when she dropped her son off, she almost made her daughter stay too, because she felt sorry for me being the only girl there, playing with all the boys.
She almost passed out when I told her I was 25.

So Then I Said .......
..... "I'm not a lazy person in most areas. I like walking and stretching and working up a sweat. But picking up heavy things is just something I don't do. I hate it on a fundamental, spiritual level. It offends my spine and repulses my knees. It bruises the very spirit of my fingers. It hurts in pointed, maddeningly little ways. So you can see how moving can be a tricky business for me."

It's A Mad World.
This morning as Nick and I were about to get in the car, I just happened to look up. And out of the clear blue sky, I could see something falling. Straight down, in a free fall. It landed in the bush right in front of me. It was a pigeon. No marks, wounds or bullet holes. Stunned but breathing. I looked back up. Nothing there.

Birds are falling out of the sky. At me.
This definatly feels like a sign, but I don't know if it's a sign about birds or a sign to me. I mean, is Armagedon for birds? Or do I need to be careful?
Interpret, please!

(P.S. I named the pigeon Angel.)

Another Actual Conversation
MyNick - "So we always make fun of my friend Chet, because -"

Sarah Smile - "-His name is Chet?"

MyNick - "No."

Sarah Smile - "Oh. *cough* Sorry."

I find it comforting to know that Matt Damon and Ben Affleck really are still friends.

I'm totally thinking number 5.

I bought a new picture. It was 75% off, then 50% off again. So I walked off with it for a mere 26 bucks. It makes me happy. Look.

Sarah Smiles Because the Dead have Time to Spare. *shrug* Good a reason as any, I suppose.

Never to early to buy my birthday present.

This is NOT RIGHT. The eyes, they follow me.

Endless fun here.

Just don't pull the head off like with your barbies.

And this one is just for the laaaaaaaaaaydies (as my stoner neighbor would say), and maybe not work appropriate (no noise), but very affirming.

Friday, September 15, 2006
Can I Borrow You Taste For A Few Minutes?
Here's the thing. I need to go clothes shopping.
I don't have the attention span to go clothes shopping. As I've said before, I have a very ADD wardrobe. Lots of bright shiny things, not a lot of sensible, matchy kinds of things.

And of course there's the fact that if left to my own devices, I would look like Rainbow Brite.

So play paper doll with me?
Tell me what you think I should wear?

I Need To Stop Thinking Of My To-Do List As I Fall Asleep.
While the lovely MK dreams of pets (lucky!), I dream of more mundane things.
And my dreams are very realistic.
Frankly, it's fucking with my sense of reality.

Examples -
My poor cats went hungry all day yesterday, because I dreamt that I'd fed them.
I thought Nick had fixed the broken faucet that was only broken in my dream.
I got up to turn off the stove that I dreamt I'd turned on.
I dream I'm talking to my friends, and then confuse the hell outta them later when I refer to those conversations we had only in my dreams.
If I do this to you, please play along.

Britney, I Say This Because I Care.
No, no, no, no, no.

This is dumb.

It's ok to like a kind of animal, but to get obsessed with a kind of animal, to think that you ARE that kind of animal, it says stuff about you, and it's usually not flattering.
It also usually means you're thirteen.
And it also usually means you live in a trailer.

Like, if you are obsessed with unicorns, you're 13, you live in a trailer, you're really sheltered and you ask your summer camp conselor what 'masterbate' means and get grossed out when she tells you.
Or if you're obsessed with cute pictures of kittens, you're 13, you live in a trailer, you'll grow up fat and wear big t-shirts with Tweety on them and you write really bad poetry.

And being obsessed with tigers means you're 13, you live in a trailer, your mom is a slut and your boyfriend is a marine who's obsessed with wolves.
And that's prolly not the image you wanna show your adoring public.

In closing, Sean Preston is adorable and I'm sure the new baby is too.
*blows kisses*

Thursday, September 14, 2006
There Are Two People I Just Can't Keep Secrets From.
Three if you count the Internet.

When I was four years old, my mother confided in me that my brother Jesse was getting Legos for Christmas, with strict instructions not to ruin the surprise. I nodded. I understood.

Later that afternoon my brother suggested we play with Legos. The most curious feeling hit me. I couldn't do anything but swallow repeatedly. I knew I shouldn't tell him. I knew it would ruin the surprise. I went into a cold sweat. All I had to do was keep my mouth shut. I lasted about 4 minutes.
I swear, I couldn't help it.
I could not hold it in.

My brother nodded solemly.
I could hear my mother in the next room bang her head against the wall.
I felt like I had verbally wet myself.
But I just COULDN'T keep my mouth shut.

I never even tried to keep another secret from my brother.

But as I grew up, I viewed that as an isolated incident. I'm actually quite good with secrets.
Just think about my job. It's all lying and being discreet and appearing to be helpful while refusing to give out any info.

Last night I realized that I am absolutely incapable of keeping secrets from Nick too.
(This is where Lola starts to suspect that Nick now knows about the sweatshirt. And she's right. I'm sorry Lola. *hangs head* It was too great a force, I can't explain it. Don't worry, I haven't gone completely soft, I could still lie to YOU if I needed to. In fact Nick and I were going to keep his knowing a secret from you, but then I wanted to blog about it. So see? I'm still cool.)

Ok, so about two months ago Nick left his Favorite Sweatshirt, the one he was wearing the first time I laid eyes on him, over at Lola's. Someone else thought it was theirs and took it home, where when we tried to track it down, they said someone had taken it from them. We'd pretty much given up getting it back. I tried to find another one, but couldn't turn up the same color/brand/style/size.

Then, I get a call from Lola yesterday. The friend that had taken it found it.
We hatched a plan to surprise Nick.
Lola was gonna fill it's pockets with old keys, movie ticket stubs, etc, hang it on our doorknob with a note that says "Daddy, I've come home," knock, and run.

But when Nick picked me up at work, I didn't even make it out of the lobby before I caved.
It's pathetic.

Nick Always TOLD Me I Was Gonna Burn Myself By Not Putting The Oven Door All The Way Down.

Please send candy.

Another Actual Conversation
Sarah Smile - *picks item out of purse*
*sets it down*
*types for a few seconds*
*moves item to another pile*
*repeats the above steps*

Overworked Coworker - "Whatcha doing?"

Sarah Smile - "You don't want to know."

Overworked Coworker - "Ok."

Wednesday, September 13, 2006
God Is In The Details.
This is really geared towards to ones of us that love to look through people's wallets. We know who we are. The rest of you will prolly die of boredom, and I apologize.

The last time I did this, there was a startling about of controversy, mostly centering on whether or not I had found Noah's Ark and was using it as a purse. Some people felt that the number of items inside necessited a much larger purse than I was admitting to.
So, I will start by posting a picture of said purse.

Starting with the side pocket we find -

Driver's licence, with donor sticker.
Health card card
Gift Certificate for a free pair of panties at Victoria's Secret. Lola gave it to me, but I forgot to use it before it expired. Shame.
Credit card
32 pennies, 33 if you count the squished one with a logo of Balboa Park imprinted on it.
One dime.
A twenty and a ten dollar bill.
Two money order stubs.
One form to RSVP to the company picnic.
Nine semi-crumpled recipts. Three to grocery stores, two to department stores, one for my car insurance, one for the mexican food place on the corner, one mystery, and one from the thrift shop we went into last night and bought four of the most random videos we could find.
My ticket stub to Lady in the Water.
Ticket stubs from the cable car and F-Line (where MK accidently humped an englishman)
A coupon for a mexican restaurant. (Expired)
Six business cards, the mexican shop on the corner (11th order of rolled tacos is FREE), Ye Olde Bicycle Place, Ali Baba Restaurant (mostly written in arabic), my doctor's office, a nearby liquor store, and a nearby Lebanese restaurant.
A book of 20 stamps, 'Crops of the Americas,' only 16 left.

Main Pocket One -

One ticket, the sort they use for raffles. Not sure what this is from.
Two more recipts, from grocery stores.
One packet of instant tea, from a friend here at work, who said it was good.
Tiny little coin purse of safety pins.
The little leather notebook in which I jot down names I like and blog ideas when I think of them.
Two pens, one small purple sharpie and the highlighter Mlisso sent me.
One binder clip.
One tin of mints 1/3 full.
One pill box of advil.
One tub of lipstick, 'Rosebarely.'
One chapstick, Avon Care Deeply.
One bottle cap.
One seashell.
Two bobbie pins.

Middle Zippered Pouch -

The cord that connects Nick's camera to the computer.
Three knit finger puppets, giraffe, parrot and vulture.
A keychain of a little asian girl, a gift from the guys at our asian office.
The recipt for Nick's house keys. *smile*

Main Pocket Two -

Work badge and electronic key card.
Tiny first aid kit.
The keychain from the car dealer.
Two lotto scratchers, scratched.
Two business cards, a mexican food place and my favorite pet store.
Recipts, from Subway and the Gelato and Crepe Cafe from the last time Lou, Coco and Lola and I all hung out, Sears and Target from that undies buying binge, three more from various grocery stores, one from some store in San Francisco, one more from the mexican place on the corner, and one from Michaels craft store (Lou's birthday present).
Two letters regarding my student loans.
One bill from my credit card company.
Proof of insurance for my car.
A referal from my health insurance company.
The order slip for Robert Fulghum's From Beginning to End from Borders Books. Ooooo, I bet it's in. I know where I'm going tonight.
Three coupons, one for PetSmart, one for coffee, one for hair dye.
A Subway sandwich card, halfway to a free sub!
A post-it note with ZezZee's cell number on it.
And gift certificate for a free tanning session.
Fingernail clippers.
Two more mint tins, one unopened.
One rubber band.
Two hairties.
One piece of green glass Nick found on the beach, that had all edges rubbed smooth.
One gold necklace and matching earrings, a gift from my grandmother.
One toe ring, silver.
One cat-eye marble.

So. What's in yours?

Secret Strip Song
A local morning radio host was saying that every woman has what she calls a 'secret strip song.' That there is one song that she's got secretly choreographed a sexy dance to.
Nick and I were listening on the way to work.
I said that I'm sure I had one, but that I couldn't think of what it would be.

So quick. I wanna freak him out a little. Help me think of the most disturbing song to do a sexy dance to, so I can "think of it" later. Or vote for any of the following.

Tears in Heaven
Anything by the Jackson 5.
Candle in the Wind
Anything by Charlette Church

*diabolical giggle*

Lola Wants Nick's New Bike.

Place your bets, folks. Who will win, Nick or Lola?

So Then I Said ......
......... "Assistant Sales Manager, do you have change for a dollar? No wait, I don't have a one, do you have change for a ten? Or, could I borrow thirty-five cents and when I get change at lunch time .............. oh screw it. Do you have thirty-five cents that I can just HAVE?"

Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Another Actual IM Conversation
SarahSmile says:
My Homie in Marketing left me with his corporate credit card.

miss kendra says:
buy me a spinning wheel!

Col! says:

SarahSmile says:

miss kendra says:
really? that would be awesome.

SarahSmile says:
I wish.
And it would be awesome.
I can just picture My Homie trying to figure out who charged a spinning wheel to his corporate card.

miss kendra says:

Col! says:
would he really have to guess that hard vj?
especially if, as a description, it says "His name is Henry".

Another Weird Neighbor Fact
He has a potted bush on his balcony.
He takes it in at night.
And carefully arranges it each morning.

Another Actual Conversation / Four Months
Sarah Smile - "Oooo, got a penny?"

Nick - "Here."

Sarah Smile - *thinks for a minute*
*tosses it in the fountain*
*hugs Nick*

Nick - *kisses Sarah Smile*

Sarah Smile - "Wow, that was quick."

Nick - "What was quick?"

Sarah Smile - "Got my wish."

For the last four months, I find it suddenly hard to think of a wish.
My reality is as good as my imagination.
And all I can think to wish for is .....

......... more of what I've got.

I love you Nick.

Monday, September 11, 2006
Happiness is .........
........... when Lola swings by and steals you and Nick away to her secret beach and the three of you sit and watch the waves in the moonlight.

Dear Jane Magazine,
So over the weekend I was perusing some old issues, and somewhere in the middle of the October '03 issue, I myself was having issues.
(Incidently, love that issue, you had the gorgeous and interesting Lucy Liu on the cover, and that hilarious article by Katy McColl where she tries to start strange trends, like a sandpaper skirt and wearing her birth control pills in her hair.)
But the issue I was having was that while it's possible to hold a wine glass and a magazine at the same time, it gets tricky when you need to turn the page.
And that's when I had an idea.
Why not make the back cover of your magazine stiff, with a little wine glass holder? It would work for martini glasses too.
Sorta this ......

...... meets this.

I don't have any ideas on how to juggle the magazine and a tub of ice cream, but hey, lets tackle these issues one by one, right?

-Sarah Smile

Another Actual Conversation
(Note, this is from way back at the shower for my brother's now-wife, but something made me think of it this weekend.)

Bethany - " ....... and I got a wafflemaker."

Sarah Smile - *sucks in breath* "Oooooo, are you gonna make waffles for Jesse? Do you know the procedure?"

Bethany - "There's a 'procedure'?"

Sarah Smile - "Does that surprise you?"

Bethany - *laughs* "No."

Sarah Smile - "First, make sure that the waffle maker is full. Without the edges, the syrup could run out."

Bethany - "He likes them with syrup?"

Sarah Smile - "He like 1/4 of one with syrup. See, once you've got the waffle, line it up so that the lines are parallel and perpendicular to the table edge. The syrup, butter, whipped cream and strawberries have to be served on the side. No touching. Now look at the waffle like a clock. Noon to 3 oclock have whipped cream carefully spread, then over that a layer of strawberry. No dribbling off the edge. He'll touch it up with his napkin if necessary. That is carefully cut down the lines of the waffle, down the middle of each raised part, to keep anything from running out. Now the second part, 3 to 6 o'clock, that's syrup. It has to be poured evenly. Same eating procedure, cutting down the ridges. 6 to 9 oclock is the whipped cream and strawberry again. And he doesn't eat the 9 - noon part. Ever."

Bethany - *laughing* "That sounds like Jesse."

Sarah Smile - "Don't even get me started on how he eats watermelon."

How To Go For A Walk, by Presidente Maximus Lloyd Vincente
Give the bored look.

Lead the way.

Roll around and revel in your outsideness.

Sniff the A. C. unit.

Then sniff the flowers.

Say hello to the neighbors.

Eat palm fronds.

No, seriously.

Watch the entrance for visitors.

Watch the Weird Neighbor suit up in helmet and gloves just to WALK down to get the mail, like he always does. (Does he even HAVE a motorcycle? We've never seen it.)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Get dizzy watching the neighbor kids.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Give the hungry look.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Take a nap.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

The End.

Another Actual Conversation
Lola - *smooths hair* "Do I look ok?"

Sarah Smile - "Dude. Lola. I'm wearing a cat mask. And sand. YOU look fine."

I'm Not Sure How To Say This.
On the radio this morning they announced like sixteen different 9-11 memorials around the city.
Memorials are important. They define who we are and what we revere. They bring healing to those affected.

But this is getting morbid.
How many people in this city have any real reason to stand around a twisted piece of metal from the towers?
At some point, you're just trying to feel connected to a genuine tragedy, just to feel important.

And that's not patriotic. It's pathetic.

Another Actual Conversation
Sarah Smile - "Thanks for getting dinner, baby. Oh, did he give us any more salsa?"

Nick - *digs around in the bag*
*mouth full*
"A courth."
*hands over another little cup of the salsa verde*

Sarah Smile - "You're right, of course there is. Of course there is more salsa in the bag. Because if there are two men in the world who KNOW me, it's you and the guy at the corner mexican food place.

Friday, September 08, 2006
What Will I Do Without My Lola?

Well, I'll prolly just make out with my gorgeous boyfriend more. That ALWAYS makes me feel better.

We decided that we'll have one of those creepy photo shrines to her in our house.

Most of the pictures came out like this, which is actually a pretty accurate portait.....

...... but I got some good ones.

*sigh* Only one month until she's gone. *sniffle*

Another Actual Conversation
Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - "Sarah, here." *puts a small pink pill in her hand*

Sarah Smile - *on the phone* "He's in a meeting right now, is there someone else I can try or would you like his voicemail?" *mouths 'Thank you'*

Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - *goes upstairs*

A few minutes later .....

Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - *calls from her desk* "So you put that pill under your tongue ....."

Sarah Smile - "Oh, I already swallowed it."

Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - "Oh, it's ok I guess. It'll still work. Talk to you later?"

Sarah Smile - "Yeah, swing by my desk and I'll show you some new pictures."

Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - "Ok, chica!"

Sarah Smile - "Oh by the way, what WAS that pill?"


This, this picture, is wove.
Cuddly, babytalk, raspberries on the tummy wove.
Wove with a capital W.

It's enough to make you (or Mau there on the right) sick.

Thursday, September 07, 2006
Ways To Make Your Job More Interesting
Today, we will cover ordering office supplies and how to jazz it up.

Each week, buy an insane amount of a different office supply. For example, one week buy an entire pallet of kleenex and request that the delivery guy drop it off outside and slide the paperwork under the door. Underline "DO NOT COME IN."
Or order 800,000 paperclips and put a rush order on it. Call every couple of hours, rustling papers furiously in the background and sounding increasingly frantic. "The papers are really getting away from us here, how long until we can get those paperclips?!?"

Accidently only order pink glitter pens. Right before a board meeting.

When handing in requisition forms to be approved, change the description of 'legal size notepads' to 'ball dress with poufy sleeves' and 'staple removers' to 'a cat.' See if anyone notices.

Type in your home phone number as an item number and see what comes.

Tell all the employees that there has been a safety recall on all yellow highlighters and you need to collect them. Wear gloves and hold them gingerly.

Request gift wrapping on all whiteboard markers, then put them all in a pinata, hanging over the supply cabinet.

Special order the sign in sheets to ask for name, company, date, time and favorite movie.

Accidently attention the entire order to the employee that just started that week.

Requisition a new chair for the CEO. See if he notices.

Order 5 of those clear plastic chair mats. Explain that you're a very active typer, and you cover a lot of ground.

Instead of manila folders, order ones with kittens on them, the sort they make for girls in second grade.

We All Wanna Be Nick's Favorite Girl
Nick's new bike frame came yesterday. I strongly suspect he wanted to take her to bed last night and cuddle with her. I also suspect that right now Dulce is clawing the word "bitch" into her paint.

Still My Favorite Poem
If I were to live my life
in catfish forms
in scaffolds of skin and whiskers
at the bottom of a pond
and you were to come by one evening
when the moon was shining
down into my dark home
and stand there at the edge
of my affection
and think, "It's beautiful
here by this pond. I wish
somebody loved me,"
I'd love you and be your catfish
friend and drive such lonely
thoughts from your mind
and suddenly you would be at peace,
and ask yourself, "I wonder
if there are any catfish
in this pond? It seems like
a perfect place for them."

-Richard Brautigan

Another Actual Conversation
Production Engineer - "So. *sips coffee* What's it like, working as a receptionist?"

Sarah Smile - "Well, answering phones is a lot like taking care of a baby. You have to drop everything when it's squawks, you have to get someone else to watch it before you can leave it, and sometimes you really wanna bang your head on the wall but you can't show it."

Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Another Actual Conversation
Salesguy - *sitting in the lobby, waiting*

SarahSmile - *gets up* "I'm just running down the hall for something, I'll be right back, but if anyone asks, could you tell them that I had to leave to catch my drug dealer before his meeting with his parole officer?"

Salesguy - "Er, sure, I guess."

SarahSmile - "I'm just trying to toughen up my image, so nobody steals my lunch from the fridge."

Salesguy - "Oh. Right. Will do!"

When I Said I Took It As A Badge Of Honor, I Wasn't Kidding.

Note to Self
Maybe next time you casually remark to the CEO of the software division that she was the inspiration for your new haircut, maybe run it through once in your head before you say it, to avoid accidently coming off in a 'want to wash in your old bathwater' sort of way.

List of Possible Jobs for 'Rezzie
  • Snake charmer
  • Office interior decorator
  • Specialty Dogwalker (romps in the snow, car rides, swimming, ect..)
  • Tanning guide/companion
  • Cocktail party guest
  • Personal shopper (naturally)
  • Music critic
  • Life coach
  • Novelist
  • Caberet dancer

Happiness is .....
........ when you boyfriend greets your newly shorn head with "Hey, cutie." I may go back and tip my new hairstylist more.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006
So Then Bunny Said ....
..........."There are only like 2 or 3 more months of summer left."

(I love Bunny.)
(And I love living in California.)

This prolly doesn't come as a surprise ........
......... but I cried when I read that Steve Irwin had passed away.

I was a fan not just of his show, but of his life.

Damn. That Boy Loves Me.
The other night, Nick, Lola and I were all walking to the 7-11 near her place. The sidewalk ended for about 20 yards, with nothing but gravel in it's place. I was wearing my little green shoes that I love so much, so naturally I moved over to walk in the bike lane rather than tear them up. Nick, concerned about me walking so close to traffic, promptly picked me up and carried me to where the sidewalk started again.

I'm so gonna keep him.

So Then I Said .....
........."The distance we traveled to get here, it's not so much in miles as it is in time."

Sat. night, Lola and Nick and I were bored and decided to take a drive.

It was warm, the moon was out, and Burger King was open. (yay!)
We drove around a lake, and out into the mountains toward the desert.
We stopped at a view point to look at the stars. Lola found a trail and wandered off a bit, so I made good use of the time to kiss my Nick under a shooting star.

We wound our way up Sunrise Highway for a bit.
Then on our way back, we took an old highway, and passed the Pine Valley Saloon.
I said, "Guys, wanna stop? It's a saloon."

It was like walking back in time.
A poster greeted us by the door, something straight out of a 50's lounge act. "Jonny Long and his six stringed buddy."
It was so retro, without effort or even awareness of being retro.
A very large couple was dancing. I overheard that it was their honeymoon.

The food was excellent. The waitress, well ......
"Ok, there's your food. Can I bring you anything else?"
"Silverware would be nice."

Jonny Long and his tiny little victorianly dressed wife stopped by our table to say hello. He let us know that he plays there every Sat. evening from 6-9pm.
So all that to say, that although Dec. is a long way off, I've decided something.
My birthday party is going to be at the Pine Valley Saloon, on a Sat. from 6-9pm.
Bring your own silverware.

Friday, September 01, 2006
So Then I Said .....
......... to the man that brings the SD Readers and Computor (not a typo) magazines every friday, "Your face has the most pleasant assosciation to me. To me, your face means friday and freedom and sleeping in. I'm so happy to see you."

They Only Think They Want Me.
I've had two run - in with military recruiters in my life.
I.e, the pushiest humans alive.
And while I have every kind of respect for our armed services, and am well aware of the benefits the military offers, well ......... just picture me in the military for a few minutes and TRY not to giggle.

The first time, I was at friends house when he started in on me. I simply started ripping apart a magazine and collaging random body parts together while nodding and giving him a serious case of the crazy eyes.
After a half hour of this, he actually backed off and said, "You know, the military might not be right for you," which is, by my unofficial poll, the first time I recruiter has said that EVER.

The second time I was in line at some fast food place, waiting for my food. The guy in front of me was in uniform, and the pins on his chest caught my eye.
Turns out he was a recruiter.
He turned to me and said, "Like these? We could get you a whole chestfull if you wanna enlist."
I said, "Sir, I hope this doesn't offend you, because I understand that to you each of those pins means something, about patriotism and loyalty and bravery and sharpshooting, but when I look at them, the only thought that enters my mind is 'ooooooooooo, shiny'."

He was quiet for a minute, then just as my food came, he said, "We'd have you married, inside of six months."

Oh yeah. He really said that.

I said very calmly and primly, "Sir, whatever goals I may or may not have, I am quite capable of accomplishing on my own, without the aid of khaki or an advantageous male to female ratio, thankyouverymuch."

I wanted to kick him in the nuts, but I was afraid that he might take that as a positive sign about my readiness for battle.

Monday, Marriage and Miss Kendra
Monday morning we slept in a bit, and had coffee and gossip with Rose.
Rose has a coffee mug with a woman's face painted on the inside, so every sip involved gazing soulfully into her painted face. It was a deliciously odd sensation.

We gossiped and chatted, then took off, hoping to catch the ferry to Alcatraz. Sadly they were sold out, and this is as close as we got.

We parked in the seagull poop section at Fisherman's Wharf, and took a cable car back to Chinatown, so I could buy more postcards for MyNick. (Our new favorite hobby is to add thought and speak bubbles to postcards, saying funny things. MyNick is much better at this than me.)
At one of the stops, I bought finger puppets from a South American woman. A parrot, a giraffe and a vulture.

Not pictured, the "Do Not Lean Out of the Cable Car" sign.

Can I just say how much I heart Chinatown? If they'd sold a shirt that says "I heart Chinatown", I'd totally have bought one. Oddly enough, this is one of the few things Chinatown does not sell. All in all, my Chinatown loot included soap, two little dishes - one with a owl on it, one with a crab, a silk fabric covered journal, a pair of pearly and red earrings, and a luscious green silk wrap.

After that, we started driving inland to Sonora.
We stopped to get gas and to let the warmth of August seep back into our bones.
(Seriously, next time I meet a meteorologist, I'm gonna make him or her explain to me how San Francisco can be so freakishly cold in August.)
The drive was beautiful, but since I can't take pictures as I drive, I choose to live.

As we neared the location of the wedding, we pulled over in a deserted area to change. Too bad it didn't occur to me that people would drive by as we changed. Nothing like walking into a wedding and realizing that half of the guests saw you changing a few minutes ago.
Good thing I have no shame.

I didn't want to distract and/or be distracted by my camera, so I don't have any photos of the wedding, but I do have a sketch of the site, done by another guest, Brian.

I've never seen my baby Bug look so happy.

The drive home from Sonora was long and dark, but well worth it to snuggle into the sleepy arms of MyNick, who hadn't expected to see me until he got home from work that night.

While he went to work, I crashed out and slept, then eased myself back in the world of awakeness by soaking in the bathtub for a few hours.

It was good to get away.
And it was good to come home.