It'll be good to catch up with them.

Salesguy J - *looks out the windows at the rain* "Did you call somebody to get this turned off and moped up?"

Valancy Jane - "Yeah, I called the property management, and they're sending someone right over they said ......"

Salesguy J - "Oh good."

Valancy Jane - "..... but I think they're from county mental health."

Also, he was smirking.

My Nick - "Hold out your hand."

Sarah Smile - "Why?"

My Nick - "Dude, hold out your hand."

Sarah Smile - "You're holding a shot glass."

My Nick - "Yeah. So?"

Sarah Smile - "And a lighter."

Ask him nicely and he'll send it to you. Then this will be even funnier.

Sarah Smile says:
This song is awesome.
And I'm not just saying that because the mailman just gave me a really weird look.
Although I did enjoy that.

Jonny Opinion says:
What song?

Sarah Smile says:
The Necessary Properties of Moses, that you sent me earlier.

Jonny Opinion says:
haha
I'm glad you called it a song.
But try singing it in the shower.

Sarah Smile says:
I will, actually.
Nick might check on me, to make sure I'm alright.

Could they send me a tape player too?

Radio - "..... call now for my free tape. You don't have to live with depression and anxiety....."

Sarah Smile - "I wanna call and request a free CD or podcast. 'Oooooooh, we just assumed if you had a CD player you wouldn't be depressed...'."

My Nick - "I bet, despite having no mention of it, that's it's all about Jesus. I bet that's the 'real, drug-free help.' I bet she's building a Jesus army."

Sarah Smile - "Of depressed people? That's awesome. 'Bow to my will, or I will send my depressed army to sit in your living room and listen to Kurt Cobain until you break.'"

My Nick - "What's wrong with Kurt Cobain? His music wasn't so depressive. He just collapsed in on his own genius."

Sarah Smile - "Sorry, I have no idea what music depressed people listen to -"

My Nick - "Kelly Clarkson?"

Sarah Smile - "HA! See, when I'm depressed, I don't listen to music. I turn on the TV and watch old episodes of the Jenny Jones Show. That's the soundtrack to my depression."

I never remember if it's "good morning" or "good afternoon."

Sarah Smile - "Good morning, [company name], this is Sarah, how can I help you?"

Caller - "Thank god it isn't morning anymore."

Sarah Smile - "Uh, yes. And I wanted you to think about that. I wanted us to all have reality check about how grateful we should all be that the day is progressing along nicely toward the time when we can all go home. I wanted us to take a moment and ponder the small blessings. That's what I was trying to do, and it certainly wasn't a mistake on my part. Yeah."

"Live Bait Pet Shop"

Sarah Smile - "Oh god."

My Nick - "I saw that too. Don't worry, though. I looked carefully, and they're two SEPARATE establishments."

Sarah Smile - "Whew."

If just one person rhymed it with "-tara" or "-clara," just once, but it's always "-bara."

Radio Personality - "I think every name has a nickname that just seems so obvious that everyone with that name gets it at some point. Like my name is Monique, and everyone at some point calls me 'unique Monique.'"

Sarah Smile - *to Nick* "I don't think my name has an obvious nickname like that."

Radio Personality - *discussing other examples*

My Nick - "Sarah Smile?"

Sarah Smile - "I use that nickname for myself, nobody has ever called me that in person, unless I mentioned it first. So I don't think it counts. 'Sarah' doesn't rhyme with much so -"

Radio Personality - "Like, 'Sarah Bear-rah' ........"

Sarah Smile - *insta-riled*
*hackles up*
"Yeah, except for that. I HATE that. Why does EVERYONE immediately go there with my name? IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE."

My Nick - "I had no idea you had so much emotion about this."

Sarah Smile - "Me neither. I always forget until someone says it."

Wait. That IS bad, right?

Movie Voiceover - ".... and so his generals were turned to stone."

Sarah Smile - "Well, THAT seems harsh."

JPD - "Huh?"

Sarah Smile - "Ooooooooooh, 'gennnerals.' Never mind."

I even know what I would name it.

Systems Engineer - "So I know what sort of car you should drive."

Sarah Smile - *thinking 'please say ice cream truck'*

Systems Engineer - "Have you ever seen the movie Dumb and Dumber?"

Sarah Smile - "The dog car?"

Systems Engineer - "Yeah! You really should do that to your car."

Sarah Smile - "Yeah, but then your insurance company has to re-evaluate your car and your payment can go up."

Systems Engineer - "Really? Wait. Why do you know that?"

Sarah Smile - "I looked into it." *deep sigh*

The real reason comes out.

Colsy says:
I want to have a daughter and name her Rio.

*plays Sims instead*

Sarah Smile says:
That's what you do when you think of a great name for a kid and are dying to use it?
I just get another pet.

It's prolly more interesting in my head, anyway.

Sarah Smile - *walking by*

My Other Other Other Homie in Marketing - "......... and so now I keep my bedroom door locked."

Sarah Smile - "Do I wanna know?"

MOOOHiM - "Prolly not"

Sarah Smile - "Ok. I can accept that."

Just goes to prove that a woman can turn anything a man says into him calling her fat.

Chinese Resturant Cashier - "Ok, and that'll be all?"

Sarah Smile - "Oh, add an order of crab rangoon."
*takes two straws and two sets of chopsticks*

Cashier - "So. This for your family ............... or having a party?"

Sarah Smile - *completely misses that he's fishing to see if she's single* "Why? Is that a lot of food for two people?"

Cashier - *turns a bit red* "Uh, not really, I guess, if you're hungry....."

Sarah Smile - "It's just that my boyfriend has been sick and now he's finally able to eat real food, so I wanted him to have whatever he wanted, you know, to be a good girlfriend and all-"

Cashier - "Next!"

Were you expecting Ed McMahon? Perhaps a Jehovah's Witness?

Sarah Smile - *in the bathroom*

*phone rings*

My Nick - *answers*
"Hello?"
*pause*
"Ok, one minute."
*knocks on the bathroom door*

Sarah Smile - "Who is it?"

*long pause*

Sarah Smile - "Who is it on the phone, I mean. I DO realize you're the only person in the house."

NOT a tale of animal cruelty.

Helpful Friend - "I'm thirsty."

Miss Kendra - "There's diet Coke in the fridge."

Sarah Smile - "And champagne in the poodle."

Helpful Friend - *confused look*



- one hour later -



Helpful Friend - *pulls head off poodle* "Ooooooooooooooo. There really IS champagne in the poodle."

Maybe that's what Britney meant about her baby being her religion.

Sarah Smile:
Have you ever tried to meditate with a puppy around?

Therese:
have you ever successfully meditated with a puppy around?

Sarah Smile:
He keeps sticking his tongue down my ear.

Therese:
*laughs*

Sarah Smile:
But I figure all that giggling is almost as good for you as meditating.

Therese:
*smile*
it totally is.

Someone keep us from going down to the shelter. No, really. I don't think we can be trusted.

My Nick - "[Company name], this is Nick. How can I help you?"

Sarah Smile - "Hey hun, it's me."

My Nick - "Oh hi. What's up?"

Sarah Smile - *deep breath* "Nick, I need you to just tell me NO."

My Nick - "NO."

Sarah Smile - "But if you could see her eyes and her ......... protruding ribs and .................. THAT FACE ........."

My Nick - "Yes."

Good thing I like that song.

My Nick - *setting up voice dialing on his cell phone* "Call ............. Mobile one ............. Mobile two ............. Home ............ Work ............"

Sarah Smile - *turns down the radio* "Now you're never going to able to make a call unless someone is singing 'her name is Rio and she dances on the sand' in the background."

Evidence

Chamook says:
I suck at keeping secrets

Sarah Smile says:
I rock at it.
Like, I never told about ......... or the .........., or when she ...............
See?

I'll sit by the phone and wait.

Supplier - *signing in*
*cell phone rings*
"Hello? ............ Hmmm."
*hangs up*
"I've been getting the strangest calls lately. I pick up and it's just ice cream truck music."

Sarah Smile - *splutters* "Wha ............ it ................. they ................. WHY DON'T THEY CALL MEEEEE? Next time they call, give them my number!!!!!!"

Actually, I WOULD still have a job. I just say that to sound badass. Is it working?

Sarah Smile - "Good morning, [company name], this is Sarah, how can I help you?"

Favorite Salesguy - "It's me, Peaches."

Sarah Smile - "HI! How are you?"

Favorite Salesguy - "Stuck in an airport. Elch."

Sarah Smile - "That sucks."

Favorite Salesguy - "I wish."

Sarah Smile - "Hahahahaha."

Favorite Salesguy - "I hope they don't record these calls."

Sarah Smile - "I'm going to say what a bus driver said to me once, when I pointed out a security camera after he asked 'Do you want to drive the bus?' He said, 'If they were recording, do you think I'd still have a job?'"