Blame it on the bassa nova.

It was about a year ago, that the emails between Nick and I started to heat up, and we started including favorite songs, or whatever it was we were listening to at the time.

I sent him one of my favorite songs, and told him how it made me think of beaches and dancing very close and very slow in a very large crowd. And how no matter how I was feeling, Patria by Ruben Blades always made me take a deep breath and think about beaches and dancing close and slow, i.e. all that is good and healthy in life, and no matter what was bothering me, it couldn't take away beaches and dancing.

Nick's response was to ask if it was alright that he had a crush on me, just a little one.

So if you think I liked that song before .........

Last night I was pretty frustrated with life. I had lots of laundry to do, insurance forms to fill out, a LOT of birds to feed, bunny veggies to pick up and a payment to wire because I'd waited until the last minute and couldn't find my account number. And we were out of Q-Tips.

Also, if you're paying attention, you will know I was PMSing. (But I think mostly it was the Q-Tip thing.)

And when I'm PMSing, I'm not so much grouchy or bitchy, per se, it's just that my ability to deal with life diminishes. And I will freely admit that it's not an attractive emotion on me. I want to hold whoever is in front of me responsible for how I'm feeling, and the fact that it's completely irrational just makes me feel guilty and then I hold them responsible for THAT because if they weren't standing in front of me I would be feeling angry at just a wall or something, so it really is all their fault anyway. It spirals. And the moment I most need a hug, I'm really the least likely to inspire someone to hug me.

But that's just what my Knickers did.

He's way better medicine than any song. Better than beaches and dancing, too.

Question.

Has anyone ever died from cramps?

Just wondering.

Tell Knickers I love him, and that we're low on cat food.

It's like the most painless way to have a baby.

For about nine months now, Nick has been collecting parts, genetically engineering his little uberbike.



Yesterday his rims arrived, and Nick was so anxious to try out his new truing stand that he jumped from the car before I'd fully stopped in the driveway.

After several hours of labor, I was tired. Watching someone try to braid a couple dozen spokes into a round frame, man, it really wears me out. Putting on the tubeless tires went well. I'd been a little nervous about that part, ever since Nick told me that when his friend Steve had attempted it, the pressure had blown the sticky stuff ALL OVER THE ROOM, in what Steve described as resembling a 40-man jizz fest.

A hilarious mental picture perhaps, but not one I wanted recreated in my living room.

Eventually, I wandered off to bed, and without the aid of an epidural or any other drugs, fell fast asleep.

And when I awoke, we had our new baby.

She's pink and shiny and the most perfect bike ever. We can tell already that she's going to be smart.

There will be lots of pictures to follow. Lots and lots and lots, if I know my Knickers. Pictures here, pictures on his flickr page, and probably pictures in his wallet. Next to the ones of Luca.

Also, he was smirking.

My Nick - "Hold out your hand."

Sarah Smile - "Why?"

My Nick - "Dude, hold out your hand."

Sarah Smile - "You're holding a shot glass."

My Nick - "Yeah. So?"

Sarah Smile - "And a lighter."

11 Months

With all the hurry-up-and-wait of the company healthcare meeting today, I find myself with very little time left to blog about our 11 month anniversary.

Hellooooo, people. I wanna go blog about my boyfriend. Can we hurry up with this work stuff?
Priorities here.
Sheesh.

And so all I'll say, all I have time to say, all I really need to say, is that Nick will be here any minute, like every day. And I'm looking for him, like every day. And when I see him, everything will instantly get a little bit better. Like every day.

His company makes everything, every day, better.

More Luca!

Because who doesn't need more Luca? I mean, could you possibly look at this picture and not feel better about life? Or this one?
I defy you to try.

So in the interests of public mental health, I bring you WucaBear Face .......

..... and Sleepy WucaBear Face .......

.....Luca with Kylie (left) and Mister (right). Note that of the twelve feet this mass of dog collectively owns, only four are on the ground .....And best of all, Luca in clothes.
Horrible? Perhaps.
Worth it? Hell yeah.

(Photo credit to Nick for all of these.)

Make your own flip book!

(Photo credit to My Knickers)

Could they send me a tape player too?

Radio - "..... call now for my free tape. You don't have to live with depression and anxiety....."

Sarah Smile - "I wanna call and request a free CD or podcast. 'Oooooooh, we just assumed if you had a CD player you wouldn't be depressed...'."

My Nick - "I bet, despite having no mention of it, that's it's all about Jesus. I bet that's the 'real, drug-free help.' I bet she's building a Jesus army."

Sarah Smile - "Of depressed people? That's awesome. 'Bow to my will, or I will send my depressed army to sit in your living room and listen to Kurt Cobain until you break.'"

My Nick - "What's wrong with Kurt Cobain? His music wasn't so depressive. He just collapsed in on his own genius."

Sarah Smile - "Sorry, I have no idea what music depressed people listen to -"

My Nick - "Kelly Clarkson?"

Sarah Smile - "HA! See, when I'm depressed, I don't listen to music. I turn on the TV and watch old episodes of the Jenny Jones Show. That's the soundtrack to my depression."

The two handsomest fellas in the world.

"Live Bait Pet Shop"

Sarah Smile - "Oh god."

My Nick - "I saw that too. Don't worry, though. I looked carefully, and they're two SEPARATE establishments."

Sarah Smile - "Whew."

If just one person rhymed it with "-tara" or "-clara," just once, but it's always "-bara."

Radio Personality - "I think every name has a nickname that just seems so obvious that everyone with that name gets it at some point. Like my name is Monique, and everyone at some point calls me 'unique Monique.'"

Sarah Smile - *to Nick* "I don't think my name has an obvious nickname like that."

Radio Personality - *discussing other examples*

My Nick - "Sarah Smile?"

Sarah Smile - "I use that nickname for myself, nobody has ever called me that in person, unless I mentioned it first. So I don't think it counts. 'Sarah' doesn't rhyme with much so -"

Radio Personality - "Like, 'Sarah Bear-rah' ........"

Sarah Smile - *insta-riled*
*hackles up*
"Yeah, except for that. I HATE that. Why does EVERYONE immediately go there with my name? IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE."

My Nick - "I had no idea you had so much emotion about this."

Sarah Smile - "Me neither. I always forget until someone says it."

Just goes to prove that a woman can turn anything a man says into him calling her fat.

Chinese Resturant Cashier - "Ok, and that'll be all?"

Sarah Smile - "Oh, add an order of crab rangoon."
*takes two straws and two sets of chopsticks*

Cashier - "So. This for your family ............... or having a party?"

Sarah Smile - *completely misses that he's fishing to see if she's single* "Why? Is that a lot of food for two people?"

Cashier - *turns a bit red* "Uh, not really, I guess, if you're hungry....."

Sarah Smile - "It's just that my boyfriend has been sick and now he's finally able to eat real food, so I wanted him to have whatever he wanted, you know, to be a good girlfriend and all-"

Cashier - "Next!"

Adventure

Ten AM on Sat morning, I'm showering, getting ready to head up to the lovely MK's place to help her move.
Nick pokes his head in. "I'm leaving for my bike ride."
We say a quick goodbye.*

Five minutes later (no really, I get ready pretty quick, I'm low-maintainance [lazy?] that way) I was gathering my things together and couldn't find my car keys.
Anywhere.

After a thorough ransacking of my own house, I realized that Nick must have left with them, by accident. Along with the only working phone in the house at the moment. (Winston has complex emotional issues that keep him from functioning normally from time to time. I'm understanding, because frankly, I have days like that too sometimes.)

So Nick had my keys and I couldn't call him, or go find him.

I had no choice but to sit and wait.

Was I annoyed? Frustrated a bit I suppose, but only until the moment Nick opened the door, wheezing and apologizing. He'd ridden for an hour and a half, stuck his hand in his pocket,* realized he had the keys, and gotten all the way back home (uphill) in only 45 minutes. I couldn't be upset.

I called MK and told her I was NOW on my way.
Winston revived, and I asked Nick to text me MK's number because I didn't have it in my phone, only his.

A little over two hours later, I called MK to let her know I was in front of her old apartment. It went straight to voice mail. Nobody was there.

I did some Fill-In puzzles,* soaked up so sun, left a few more messages for MK. Two hours later, I was officially frustrated. It was now after 4pm. I called Nick and asked him to double check the number he'd text to me.

Oops. There was the trouble. Nick had sent the wrong number and I'd been leaving messages for some random person.
Nick felt really bad, but hey, how could I be mad? I make ridiculous mistakes all the time, like the time I killed Nick's hard-drive, or hogtied myself to my own desk.*

I called the real MK, got directions to her new place, and arrived just in time to not have to carry anything upstairs. Sweet.

General arranging and unpacking ensued, mostly of heads* (MK has lots of them). Also mischief, and one game of Hangman which I believe was pivotal in the unseen war of Good vs. Evil. Also, a margarita. Also, the words, "unlike most people I wouldn't define 'terrible' and 'awesome' as being at opposite ends of a spectrum." Also, shirt swapping. * Also, poodle swapping.

Naturally, most of my pictures were erased by the KGB, fearful of incrimination, but one survived.
It's of the boobie power plant* on the way up.
I call it, "Boobies in the Mist."



So. All that just to say that I think I'm going to keep prank calling that number I thought was MK's.










*not a euphemism

Were you expecting Ed McMahon? Perhaps a Jehovah's Witness?

Sarah Smile - *in the bathroom*

*phone rings*

My Nick - *answers*
"Hello?"
*pause*
"Ok, one minute."
*knocks on the bathroom door*

Sarah Smile - "Who is it?"

*long pause*

Sarah Smile - "Who is it on the phone, I mean. I DO realize you're the only person in the house."

Could I get a doctors note, addressed to the internet?

I know, I sorta disappeared from the blog-o-sphere yesterday.
I didn't die or run out of things to say (ha!).

I had to take my poor Knickers to the doctor. He's ok, or rather he will be very soon. Turns out he had strep, poor guy. He's been living on Popsicles and tomato soup for the past two days. He's at home again today because he's still contagious, but he seemed to be feeling a lot better this morning.

So yay(!) for that, and yay(!) for being back!


Oh, and our pharmacist looks exactly like Jamie Kennedy. I'm still not sure it isn't him. It's really unnerving when you're sick. I keep thinking he's going to hand us a bottle with a skull on it, just as cameras swoop in on you as you're sniffling and wearing slippers.

The only problem ...

.......... with letting Nick make you a Farrah wig out of yellow post-its stuck to your head on the long drive home, is that it's so lightweight that you're apt to forget about it and wonder why the people at the gas station are staring at you.

Someone keep us from going down to the shelter. No, really. I don't think we can be trusted.

My Nick - "[Company name], this is Nick. How can I help you?"

Sarah Smile - "Hey hun, it's me."

My Nick - "Oh hi. What's up?"

Sarah Smile - *deep breath* "Nick, I need you to just tell me NO."

My Nick - "NO."

Sarah Smile - "But if you could see her eyes and her ......... protruding ribs and .................. THAT FACE ........."

My Nick - "Yes."

Good thing I like that song.

My Nick - *setting up voice dialing on his cell phone* "Call ............. Mobile one ............. Mobile two ............. Home ............ Work ............"

Sarah Smile - *turns down the radio* "Now you're never going to able to make a call unless someone is singing 'her name is Rio and she dances on the sand' in the background."

Well, HELLO and GOOD MORNING to you too.

"What the hell?" said Nick.

Something large and furry stepped on my face, danced around on my hair on the pillow, finally coming to a rest with a wiggling, full body cuddle between Nick and I.

Two facts registered through the sleep fog.
It was three AM, and this was NOT Luca.



I opened my eyes and thought fast.


My bed? Check.

My house? Check.

My dog? No.


Somehow the neighbor's dog Kylie (yeah, that Kylie) had gotten in. Perhaps we left the door open, but Kylie is one hell of a smart dog and it wouldn't surprise me if she figured out how to open our kitchen door.
As Nick escorted her out, and Luca hovered nervously, no doubt worried that his friend's bad behavior might reflect on him, I searched for the Dulce and Mau. (Kylie's a sweetheart, and I would have let her stay, but she has a hard time resisting the urge to chase the cats.)

I found Mau in his new favorite perch, sleeping on a stack of purses in the closet. He only bothered to open one eye to view all the chaos. I expected to find Dulce clinging to the ceiling, but luckily she was only mildly ruffled by the tornado of dog that had blown through.



As we all dropped back into bed, Nick said, "sorry," assuming he'd left the door ajar earlier. But as he and Luca and I all melted into a sleepy pile with Dulce on top like a cherry, all I could do was smile.

One year ago........

....... to the day, the most legendary virtual houseparty ever.

Attendees included -

Col
Fred
Jon
Chamook
josh leo
Edwin, the talking circus horse
Ringmaster
The Butler
Feathers
Migrating Butterflies, Lee stayed sober to drive
babblingdweeb
Pink Elephants
Paula
Simon
Randy Jackson, who forgot his name
Harrison Ford
Closet door
Radiohead
The couch
Belinda
Liquor
Givers
Thérèse
Random person walking by
Ghandi
Cafe mocha grande
Fire Engine
The Phone
Fakin’ It Girl Band
Bake Town
Another Drink
Tequila
Law
The Tabloids
‘Rez
Green Jello in the pool
Pale Green Veil
Inflatable Duck (from ‘Rez’s blog)
Party Police
melissa.in.london
Butane Bottle
Stan
Klye
Cartman
Chuck F. Norris
Ruan
Dem Soldier
Chocolate Sauce
Peppermint Schnapps
Khow
Oprah
Martha Stewart
Sleep
Confetti
Glitter Cannon


So if you wanna have a kick ass party, there's your invite list.

And you're all invited to the reenactment party, as soon as Nick and I can find a firetruck and a pool we can fill with jello.