One man's trash .......

What exactly does this person think anybody is going to DO with this?

Hi... this microwave does not heat anymore, but it turns on and all other functions are OK.



A bedside table with built in clock?

A very small bookshelf?

Low visibility rotating display case?

June 20th

Whatcha all doing on June 20th?

I've declared it the official Meet Other Bloggers Day.

I'm so in love with my google home page.

I added this, because it slays me. It's like Crazy! In Real Time! And the UFOs all look so friendly and cheerful.

It's got art! And coloring pages! A spanish word of the day, a love quote of the day and a Buddhist thought of the day.

I want to print it out and roll around on it and sniff it.

One year ago........

....... to the day, the most legendary virtual houseparty ever.

Attendees included -

Col
Fred
Jon
Chamook
josh leo
Edwin, the talking circus horse
Ringmaster
The Butler
Feathers
Migrating Butterflies, Lee stayed sober to drive
babblingdweeb
Pink Elephants
Paula
Simon
Randy Jackson, who forgot his name
Harrison Ford
Closet door
Radiohead
The couch
Belinda
Liquor
Givers
Thérèse
Random person walking by
Ghandi
Cafe mocha grande
Fire Engine
The Phone
Fakin’ It Girl Band
Bake Town
Another Drink
Tequila
Law
The Tabloids
‘Rez
Green Jello in the pool
Pale Green Veil
Inflatable Duck (from ‘Rez’s blog)
Party Police
melissa.in.london
Butane Bottle
Stan
Klye
Cartman
Chuck F. Norris
Ruan
Dem Soldier
Chocolate Sauce
Peppermint Schnapps
Khow
Oprah
Martha Stewart
Sleep
Confetti
Glitter Cannon


So if you wanna have a kick ass party, there's your invite list.

And you're all invited to the reenactment party, as soon as Nick and I can find a firetruck and a pool we can fill with jello.

Women TALK.

Jesse - "Oh, I'm an uncle now!"

Sarah Smile - "Pfft. That's old news. Even to my blog readers."

Jesse - "Oh."

Sarah Smile - "Say hi to Bethany for me."

This distinction should come with a trophy!

I am the 11th search result under "batteries taste like happiness."

I must be friends with the person who did this search.

It totally sounds like something I would say. It sounds like a good title to my autobiography, really.

I'm also the 3rd search result for "'my little valley' cleavage" but ew. That does NOT sound like something I would say.

Little Brown Book

I keep a little leather bound pocket sized notebook with me at all times. When something strikes me as funny or bloggable, I jot it down.
Because in my whirlwind head, it's hard to call the ideas back up at will. I can tell you what year Ohio became a state off the top of my head,* but not something even remotely useful, like my own blog ideas.


So, I have the book. And the notes I take are just designed to jog my memory, it consists of a strange blend of shorthand, keywords and phrases.

I can picture someone finding it and wondering what the hell it was.
I intend to release it as a book of modern poetry after my death.

Today's entry -

Onions
Criticism
Which is sadder?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to read that dramatically at a poetry reading.




*1803. Mind you, I've never BEEN to Ohio, but of course this fact I remember with no trouble at all.

Happy Valentines Day to my True Love, The Internet.

Tonight, I will go home, pour myself a glass of wine, kiss the most wonderful man in the world, have a candlelit carpet picnic, watch the season finale of Beauty and the Geek and reflect on my unbelievable good luck.

May you all feel so lucky in your life as I do in mine.

Alternative Medicine.

Wanna help me feel better?

Here's a simple way, inspired by Colsy.
Make your very own Sarah Smile Paper Voodoo Doll!


Dress me in my pretty dress, tuck me in to watch Days of Our Lives, let me soak in a pot of chicken broth. Whatever your favorite cold remedy is.

I would really appreciate it.

I Broke The Internet

Everytime I try to post something, it gives me a publishing error saying that essentially, I've used up all the space. In the Internet, presumably.
Figures, really, that it would be me.

(I can still email my posts in, so I'll keep doing that until I figure out what the heck is going on.)

"Awwwww. Also, NO. But awwwwwwwww."

That's the gist of my response to several men. Let me explain.

About a year ago, I had responded to a request from a friend, and made a profile on www.hi5.com. I uploaded one (very old and very flattering) picture, the fact that I was single (at the time) and then I completely forgot about it.

Today I got an email update from the site and wandered over to it to find that I had a whole bunch of messages. A few of the obligatory "check out my webcam over on this other site" (ew) but mostly stuff like the following.
Badly spelled (foreign?), slightly terrifying, yet very complimentary.

• "I was just browsing this site and fell in love with you"

• "I checked your profile and i think we have a lot in common, and we may become good friends only if you allow me." (He also included his phone number, so he's SO getting prank called. In fact, anybody else wanna call too? Email me and I'll give you the number.)
  

• "hi valancyh r u? well nice too meet u girl well waht to say i saw ur profil u look prety all i cna say and ur cute and also u do have a lovley baby face lol"

• "Very attractive!! ..Quick hello Miguel"

• "Well Valancy my name is Enrique and well like to go out with you."

• "Hey, How r u doing? I'm writing you because from your profile you seem to be someone that I could connect with. You look very beautiful in your pictures. I looking for someone like yourself who is fun and at the same time very chill. I think that we could be great friends, maybe more????? ~Joe"

• "hey sup beautiful, i am lee and looking at ur pro and u r really attractice and i luv ur eye's. and hey when some one is cute and gorgeous like u then i would like to ask if i can talk to u or u would mail me back. this is my mail and i hope to hear from u so perhaps , i can tak eu out. so i will pray to hear from u and take care bey bye"

• "HELLO.I WANT TO MEET WITH YOU..WHAT DO YOU SAY"

There is nothing better than a compliment that also makes me laugh. They're all very nice in a "thank god they don't know where I live" sort of way.

Is Blogger Giving You Guys Attitude Too?

Please Think Of Me This Christmas...

..... as you do any of the following.

• Take a walk to see the christmas lights
• Stretch, like reallyreally long, and wiggle your toes
  
• Roast anything over an open flame
• Toast anything with eggnog
• Put on a Santa hat
• Sit upside down on the couch
• Get crafty
• Take a nap

And I'll think of you while I'm doing all of these things and maybe, justmaybe it will be at the same time (with or without considering timezones, either way, I'm not picky) and then we'll be thinking of each other and it'll be like you're here or I'm there and this Internet won't seem so big after all.

My connection will be spotty the next couple of days, and just in case we don't talk, I wanted to tell you all how much you mean to me, and that I hope the holidays find you blissed out on sugar, in comfy socks, and that maybe, for one day, all will be right with the world.

Quizzical

Warning, long and rambling, but feel free to take the quizzes we give each other and tell me your score.


Thérèse says:
VJ sneezes Britishally.
Just FYI.

Jonny Opinion says:
Oh, thanks.
Conversation is so much more rewarding when you don't follow what the other person is saying.

Sarah Smile says:
It's true.
I do.

Jonny Opinion says:
How do you sneeze Britishly?

Sarah Smile says:
I'm not sure.
It's just that I think Britishly now.

Jonny Opinion says:
OK then. Here's a test.
On which side of the pennines are you more likely to be asked if you want scraps with your fish and chips?

Sarah Smile says:
*sharpens two #2 pencils*
The left side. The top left.

Jonny Opinion says:
No.

Sarah Smile says:
Damn.

Jonny Opinion says:
2. What are scraps?

Sarah Smile says:
Scraps.

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes, but no.

Sarah Smile says:
I think britishly now, so that's what I call them.
Scraps are scraps.

Jonny Opinion says:
3. What city do "brummies" come from?
OK, a point for question 2.

Sarah Smile says:
Brummies come from their mother's uteruses. Do we have to go over this again?

Jonny Opinion says:
Wrong. 4. If someone in Manchester asked you if you were a red or a blue, what would they be wanting to know?

Sarah Smile says:
What team I root for?

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes, sort of.
Half a point.
erm....
5....

Thérèse says:
Who?

Jonny Opinion says:
Good question. 5. Who?

Sarah Smile says:
The one standing between four and six.

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes.

Sarah Smile says:
See, I used logic on that one.

Jonny Opinion says:
6. If something is described as "the dog's bollocks", is that a good thing, or a bad thing?

Sarah Smile says:
Depends on whether or not that someone is a British person or a british dog.

Jonny Opinion says:
No.
I'm sorry, but you don't pass.

Sarah Smile says:
Well, I still think you're a fat bastard.
*crosses fingers and hopes she used that correctly*

Jonny Opinion says:
Um, sort of.

Sarah Smile says:
Ok.
Whew.

Jonny Opinion says:
If you think I am a fat bastard.

Sarah Smile says:
Damn it.

Jonny Opinion says:
hahahahaha

Sarah Smile says:
That wine commercial said it was a 'cheeky british phrase meaning whoppingly good.'

Jonny Opinion says:
No, that's completely wrong.

Sarah Smile says:
Oops.
Sorry about that.

Jonny Opinion says:
But I love it that there's people being told that

Sarah Smile says:
*giggle*

Jonny Opinion says:
I'm going to tell Americans that too from now on.

Sarah Smile says:
Come to think of it, that's hilarious.

Jonny Opinion says:
Test me on how American I am.

Thérèse says:
I want to be tested after this!
Test me on being American, AND being British.

Jonny Opinion says:
OK.

Thérèse says:
Yes. Yes!

Jonny Opinion says:
I'll test you as VJ tests me.
1. What time do pubs normally close at night?

Sarah Smile says:
Hmmmmm. Can I test you on how Californian you are?

Jonny Opinion says:
Sure.

Thérèse says:
Pubs do not close at night, they close in the morning.
Trick quesiton.

Jonny Opinion says:
Wrong. 11pm
2. Explain the offside rule.

Sarah Smile says:
What height does the surf report give, on average this time of year, in the mornings?

Jonny Opinion says:
5 miles.

Sarah Smile says:
No, 3 feet.

Jonny Opinion says:
close.

Thérèse says:
Anyone offside is not permitted to interfere.
it's the rule.

Jonny Opinion says:
No.
3. What is a public school?

Thérèse says:
A school that any citizen of the appropriate age may attend.

Jonny Opinion says:
No.

Thérèse says:
Or, where you go to get a sub-par education.

Jonny Opinion says:
A public school is a private school.

Thérèse says:
How do you figure?

Jonny Opinion says:
It's true.

Thérèse says:
Okay, very good. Next question.

Jonny Opinion says:
4. The capital of the Isle of Mann is called "Douglas". True or false.
?

Thérèse says:
I would love it if that were true.

Sarah Smile says:
Which of the following can your vegan neighbor eat? Carne asada, tostada al pastor or tacos papas?

Jonny Opinion says:
What's your answer?

Thérèse says:
True.

Jonny Opinion says:
Correct.

Jonny Opinion says:
Tostada al pastor.

Sarah Smile says:
No.
Tacos papas.

Jonny Opinion says:
Bugger.

Thérèse says:
Next question.

Jonny Opinion says:
5. Is the Prime Minister a member of the House of Commons or the House of Lords?

Sarah Smile says:
Which of the following is NOT a border town. Tijuana, San Ysidro or Santa Clara?

Thérèse says:
Both.

Jonny Opinion says:
Santa Clara.

Thérèse says:
San Ysidro.

Jonny Opinion says:
No, Rez.

Sarah Smile says:
Correct, Jonny.

Thérèse says:
Damn.

Jonny Opinion says:
YES!

Thérèse says:
I'd make a crappy Brit.

Jonny Opinion says:
I got one right!

Thérèse says:
Okay, time to test your canadian knowledge thenl

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes, you fail too.
Sorry.

Thérèse says:
1. How many time zones are there in Canada?

Jonny Opinion says:
Alright.
Nine.
Oh hang on, I thought you meant provinces.
five time zones.

Sarah Smile says:
Where is Chinatown located? In San Francisco, Los Angeles or San Diego?

Jonny Opinion says:
San Francisco.

Thérèse says:
Los Angeles

Sarah Smile says:
Trick question, it's in both SF and LA. So half right.

Thérèse says:
HA! We were right together, Jonnykins.
Correct. Five time zones.

Sarah Smile says:
What state route travels up the coast?

Jonny Opinion says:
Do I have to say a number?

Thérèse says:
2. What exactly is a toque, and how is it pronouced?

Sarah Smile says:
Yes, Jonny, a number.

Jonny Opinion says:
It's pronounced "tok" and it's a type of fish found in Quebec.
Number 80

Thérèse says:
(alternate spellings: touque, tuque)
Incorrect. Veaj, would you like to give it a shot?

Sarah Smile says:
No, state route 1.

Jonny Opinion says:
Pants.

Thérèse says:
A tuque, pronounced "too-k", is a hat.

Jonny Opinion says:
Fish, hat. Same thing.

Thérèse says:
3. How many seasons has Canada, and what are they?

Sarah Smile says:
I-80 actually runs across the states east to west, ending in the Bay Area.
Tell me what city is the hub of the Bay Area?

Jonny Opinion says:
San Francisco.

Sarah Smile says:
Correct.

Jonny Opinion says:
Yes!

Sarah Smile says:
Explain the phrase "Hang Ten."

Jonny Opinion says:
Something to do with surfing.

Sarah Smile says:
Yes, that's true, but it refers specifically to a surfing move.
While riding a wave, if you walk up the board to the veryveryvery front and hang your ten toes off the front, you are hanging ten.

Thérèse says:
ha!
that's awesome.
can you surf?
do you surf?

Sarah Smile says:
No, I don't actually.

Thérèse says:
really??
but... you're californian.
i thought everyone knew how to surf there.

Sarah Smile says:
But it's so part of our culture that even though I don't surf, I know how.

Thérèse says:
i mean... i'm not good, and i don't play on any sort of league, but i know how to play hocke.... oh okay.

Sarah Smile says:
Did you know they have classes to teach your dog to surf?

Thérèse says:
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
you're kidding.

Sarah Smile says:
Nope.
I love this state.

'Rezzie Has A LOT Of Blogs.

She has blogs like I have pets.
That's what I mean by A LOT.



She has one devoted entirely to her love of cheeseburgers. (And it's updated more often than you'd think.)

Back in October, Blogger was giving her some issues and she couldn't log in, so she asked me to log in and correct something she needed fixed.
While staring at her 'Dashboard,' even I was amazed at the never-ending list of blogs.

I created this one for her, thinking she'd find it by the end of the day.
After a few days, I figured she was biding her time, planning a prank in response.
After a few weeks, I forgot all about it.

Today, she found it.
*grin*