The trip was a little over 24 hours, which is almost how long it took to write this post.

Jesse (my brother), Bethany (my sister in law) and I started the trip as all good road trips should. At Carls Jr.

Here is Jesse, driving.
After only an hour, we had assumed road trip positions. Jesse driving, Bethany napping, me .... wiggling my toes, drinking a large soda, and filming the two of them.



I saw a strange cloud that looked like PacMan eating an S. I took it as a sign of ............. something.
And this is what it looked like out the window.
We stopped at Jack in the Box so I could buy a kids toy and also, pee. Jesse bought another large soda and did not pee. Jesse is a CAMEL.
This is also what it looked like outside the window.
We received word on the way up that our other cousin Julie had had her baby, a girl named Ella Katherine. I'm certain, with our genetics, they're not exaggerating at all when they say she's beautiful.

Just as we were about to get off at the exit to Cousin Liz's house, we discovered that it was detoured. We had to go way around, and Jesse's car's GPS system said "recalculating" so many times that she (American English Jill) started to sound really annoyed with us.

Once we got there, we wasted no time in diving into dinner. Headfirst. Well, no, fingers first. Head second.

Here is my cousin Bekah, Jesse and and my cousin Jordan.
Bethany. (So cute!)
This is Enrique Jr ("Ki-que"), my Cousin Liz's son. (Also so cute!)
Lets just clarify right now that while asking "Why is Jordan doing that?" might be a very natural question to ask, it's also quite futile. "Because she is" is about all you're going to get. That said, here is Bethany and Jordan, letting her eyes be mirrors to everyone elses' soul.
Jesse opened the wine while my cousin Kimberly expresses all of our collective impatience. Boooooooooooooooze!
Kimmie is very good at pretending she doesn't see you setting up the shot and then moving something in the way at the last minute. (Enrique Sr, Liz's husband, looks on.)
Here is my cousin Liz holding Ki-que, while he flirts with Bethany.
Interesting fact. Jordan is the fastest text messenger IN. THE. WORLD.
Bekah laughs. A lot.
Jordan. Because she is.
It is impossible to be around Jordan for more than five minutes without some of her faces catching on, as Jesse demonstrates.
Ha. Finally. Totally worth the effort.
Now here is Jordan and Kimmie dancing. You might think that I'm a lame-o would can't figure out how to rotate the video, but in fact, they are dancing on the walls, Fred Astaire style. They're awesome like that.

We drove into town to drink tall drinks and sing karaoke. Bekah and I lead vocal exercises.
Here is video of the drive. You might begin to wonder what the connection between my cousins and the finger up the nose pose is, but really it's a locational thing. Vegas' dusty air makes your nose run, and then the dry heat freezes-dries it instantly, creating the perfect storm of booger.

Nobody is more surprised that I'm in Vegas than myself.My cousins introduced me to the game of Take-Pictures-Under-The-Stall-Doors. I caught on quickly.
This shot of Kimmie is my favorite.
But when I tried to take a picture of Jordan, I got this. Apparently she can levitate, and she never told any of us.
I tried to get a shot of Bekah, but then realized, hey, that's not Bekah. And maybe I'd better run now.

Much fun was had, the drinks were tall, and the karaoke patrons were very tolerant. We called ourselves Jesus Rodriquez and the Sweaty Boxes. We might go on tour.
On the way home, we discovered that six people fit a limo perfectly, and took it as a sign that we should always ride in them.
Liz and Enrique graciously put us up for the night, and Jordan I took the downstairs couches so we could giggle and whisper like 12 year old.
But being three AM, we dropped off pretty quickly.

This is Jordan when she first wakes up. I'd show you what I looked like, but I want to be kind to your eyes.
My cousin Tilla, who'd had to work the night before, joined us. She is so adorable, it's almost painful to look at her directly.
Since Jesse, Bethany and I all didn't think to bring swimsuits, we made a quick detour to Ross. I found a pretty cute suit and wrap, and some shoes that just needed to belong to me. They have bows on the toes. Picture soon.
I offered Bethany five bucks to get what was essentially the bikini version of this. (Picture here.) To her credit, she declined.

Liz and Enrique got a room at the Bellagio, so we could all use the pool there.
Here are Tilla and Ki-que.And Bekah and Christian (her son).This is Allie, Liz's daughter. I want to eat her.
Even the clouds knew that this was a momentous day, this aligning of some much McIlhenney in one place.
Speaking of the weather, this is my Uncle Art. He said that he cast a spell on the weather for us. I suppose this could be a sign that he's crazy, but *shrug* it was a lovely thought and a lovely day, so I choose to believe him. Always act as if things that should be true, are.
Our waiter must have wanted us to have a lovely time, he brought us each our drinks two at a time. Sometimes, it ain't so bad to be alive.

I love being a turtle.

Last night I went to see the movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with my friend JPD.
JPD and I have known each other since we were born, really. Since TMNT was popular the first time around.
And you know what they say, you can't make old friends. Well, sometimes, but it only happens once upon 200 lifetimes.

The movie was exactly what it should be, silly and delicious. I think my favorite part was when April O'Neil is expressing shock that a 3,000 year old Mayan curse could be true, that there could be such a thing as monsters, and she's saying this to a giant, nun-chuck-wielding mutant turtle.
Without a hint of irony.

I loved it.

Afterwards JPD (I love that his initials make him sound like a police department) and got a cup of tea and he sweetly let me monopolize the conversation.

We talked about how, growing up, Jesse was the closest thing JPD had as brother, and Bug (JPD's sister) was the closest thing I knew to having a sister.


And what I wanted to say, what I couldn't find the words to say, what I've always wondered if they knew, was that I had always thought of JPD and Bug in the same way that I thought of Jesse. That link, that bond, that knowledge that there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for them, that in this crazy thing called life, we passed or failed together, like boot camp, that they were my responsibility as much as one person is to another, that we were a team, and if it came right down to it, it would be us versus the world.
That in short, we ARE the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.


Cowabunga!
(Hee.)

He's a good sport.

Jesse - "Lets get together this sunday night. What do you wanna do?"

Sarah Smile - "Ooooo, get pizza and go watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at the drive in?!"

Jesse - "Surrrrrrrrrrre, we could do that ........... or something else. Or that, we could. Yeah. Or something else ............"

Women TALK.

Jesse - "Oh, I'm an uncle now!"

Sarah Smile - "Pfft. That's old news. Even to my blog readers."

Jesse - "Oh."

Sarah Smile - "Say hi to Bethany for me."

CousinFest '07!!!

The last time I saw all my cousins together at one time .......
....... wait. I've never seen them all at once.

On my mother's side, my uncle has one son, Shawn. (Not to be confused with my other cousin Shawn, on my father's side, who is now deceased.)
And my aunt has seven kids, Julie, Bekah, Caleb, Lizzie, Jordan, Kimmy and Matilda.

Somehow, fate has conspired that I don't think we've EVER all been in the same room together.

Jordan told me that five of The Seven are going to be in Vegas next month, and wanted to know if I wanted to come.

Hellsssss, yeah!

I invited Shawn and Jesse and Bethany.

Oh, the mischief, the adventure, the complete takeover of the McIlhenney Clan! Watch out Vegas!
CousinFest '07 is coming!

Jesse and Bethany are now an uncle and aunt.

And no, that's not a roundabout way of announcing anything personal here.
Bethany's sister Erin and her husband Scott just had a baby girl, Brenna.



Bethany once told me that she wanted to be the sort of aunt who made really good chocolate chip recipes. It was nice of Erin to give her a tester niece. By the time I have kids someday, Bethany will have that recipe down pat.



But speaking of sweet things, doesn't Brenna look edible?

Dear Jesse,

You're really good at being a brother.

And it's made a big difference in my life, having you.



Happy Birthday!

Love,
Sarah

The Jesse Discount.

It's hard to explain HOW the Jesse Discount works. I've seen it negotiated right in front of me and I'm still not sure exactly how it works.

But there is no question of it's existence. My brother Jesse gets a discount on ........... well, life, I think.

Equally difficult to describe is my brother himself. To say he's particular would imply he's annoying. And he really isn't. He knows exactly what he wants, but he'll pay extra or wait longer for it, with an undisturbed pleasant attitude.
People are always happy to do business with him again, even if they're giving him a deal they'd probably hesitate to give their own mother.


After observing him closely, I've gleaned the following tips, small formulas that make up the alchemy that is The Jesse Discount.

Jesse never appears to be in a hurry. How he manages that while never being late, I don't know. But Jesse always gives himself time to talk to the salesperson, owner, manager, chef, and learn about their job. Perhaps he gets the equivalent of the employee discount simply because he knows what magic number that IS. Jesse has more friends at his bank than I have in the entire world. He could have his own desk there, but he doesn't need it, since anyone there is willing to let him use theirs. He remembers names, kids, their last vacation, what their hair looked like before they cut it. He's not gushy, just pleasant and very attentive.
He'll talk to you for as long or short a time as you want.

Jesse never lies or manipulates. It's just not in him. I told him once that while he doesn't lack for depth, he doesn't have layers. There is no conscious, subconscious, ego, id, underlaying motive, etc. His thought process exists on one plane. And his frankness comes across when you talk to him.

Jesse knows exactly what he wants when he walks in the door. And exactly what he'll spend to get it. Negotiating doesn't meet in the middle, it consists of Jesse repeating exactly what he'd like, until you realize he means it, and let him know if you can or cannot accommodate him. And he taught me to explain that THAT is what's its worth to YOU, not a reflection of it's actual worth, so that they can let it go cheaply while still saving face.

Jesse is just stubborn enough to get what he wants, but not so stubborn as to inconvenience him much. This is a delicate balance, I know.

Jesse speaks body language fluently. Jesse might simply say hello, but meanwhile his body says, "I AM VERY IMPORTANT. YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH. A FREE UPGRADE IS IN ORDER. NOW YOU ARE IMPORTANT BY ASSOCIATION. BRING ME A FREE DRINK (no ice, please) AND TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS."

One of the few qualities Jesse and I share is what I call the Tour Guide gene. We LOVE to tell what we know. Love it, love it. Jesse is never stingy with tips or helpful info. And since he soaks up information like a sponge (or a palm pilot) he's always got something.

Jesse dearly loves to be remembered. He tends to find his favorite of something, restaurant, airline reservation counter, taco stand in Ensenada Mexico, etc. People love to give discounts to repeat customers, and if they've memorized the way you like your steak, there's less chance of a mistake. Usually the first thing he'll do when entering any place of business is to ask for someone by name. Even if that person is not available, the person you're speaking with will wonder what information the person you asked for told you, or what discount they promised you, and tend to give you the benefit of the doubt.


So there you go. Of the magic show that is The Jesse Discount, those are the tricks I understand and can explain. The rest, you just have to sit back and enjoy the show, even, perhaps especially because you don't know how it's done.

Viva Mexico!

Gratuitous rear view mirror shot below. Because I like risking life and limb to take them. Hindsight is flattering.
Our trip began with a brief detour to the bank, where my brother Jesse has more friends in that one building than I have in the world. This might not sound fun, but watching Jesse bend people to his will is like watching a opera singer in the peak of their career. It's his superpower. Mine is passive aggression. Together we are the Wonder Twins. Powers, activate!
Next was the drive down to Ensenada, along a road rated by National Geographic as one of ten drives everyone should take in their life. I'm sorry to say I have no pictures, because it was dark. Sorry. You'll just have to use your imagination. Picture rocky mountains sloping down to sandy beaches, the occasional fishing village and the moon reflecting on the waves.
First stop when we got to Ensenada was the taco stand. I cannot begin to explain the taco stand so lets just say it's a religious experience. Here, Jesse and I are about to chew our own hands off in excitement.



Once we checked into the hotel, it wasn't long before we'd given up the notion of going back out again, and just surrendered to the sweet, sweet embrace of the beds. This most certainly does NOT make us lame.


The next morning, we took a walk along the water and soaked in some sun. Jesse tried to catch me a little sea bird with a long beak, but it outran him.



This is Bethany at breakfast. She is hella cute.


After a lazy breakfast, we drove south to La Bufadora, so I could buy STUFF. Great masses of STUFF that nobody, especially not a girl who would be moving all her earthy possession the next day, needs.


Here I am wearing a wrestlers mask, which I did not buy.....


...... and a giant sombrero, which is very similar to the one I did buy.


After I acquired one of everything in the market, including a cone of strawberry ice cream, we walked on to 'the blow hole,' for which the town is named. This man was dancing and playing music all at once. Someday I will hire him for my wedding. I hope he knows some Phil Collins jams.


The blow hole is actually an underwater cave, that when the water level is right, sprays seawater hundreds of feet up the cliffs. There was no spray that day, which didn't stop us and hundreds of other people from staring down at it intently.




Someday, I will have a little house and a little boat down there.


Next stop, Habana Banana, the world's most family friendly bar. Seriously, it's just booze and stuffed animals. Genius.


One margarita later, we moved on to my favorite place in La Bufadora, for fish tacos. Everyone got to try on the hat. Don't lie, you want to wear it too.



At this point, the batteries in my camera died. So once again you will have to use your imagination and picture the whale swimming by, and the lion that lives in a cage by the sea. I will fill in this blank with pictures from J&B's camera once I get them.

After that, we sat in the hot tube and let the sunset wash over us.


Jesse and Bethany looked very cute and Baywatch-esque in their matching red swimsuits.


It was beautiful, and hard to leave, but I had Nick kisses and puppy kisses waiting for me back home.
Picture another long drive up the coast in the starlight and I arrived back at the border.
Vendors sell their wares between the lanes of cars waiting at the border. I tipped a little boy who was juggling three balls and an orange.



Next post, I'll tell you about moving, my new neighbors and the wonder that is ....... my new bathtub.
Stay tuned.