How to Choose a Wine, Sarah Smile Style.

First off, a disclaimer.
While this system IS based on my own experience, I won't pretend to know what I'm talking about. I don't know much about wine, and I have no great sense of taste when it comes to a good wine versus a bad wine. (This makes me a cheap date, so yay!) I fully admit that I might enjoy the wines I pick, because the system of picking them was so much fun. But why does it matter why you enjoy a wine, as long as you do?

So what will this system do for you?

It's very easy to remember, it will make you look like you know what you're doing in the wine aisle, and it will get you out of the aisle quicker. (So more time for drinking, yay!)
No more wandering, glazed eyes, up and down the aisle, using price as your only indicator of quality, not knowing what to look for on the label, and generally looking ignorant as chic people brush past you and pick confidently.
And you end up either spending a fortune because you don't want to gamble on a mid-priced wine, or you end up sticking with one kind and never trying something new, which is probably the best way of actually developing taste and confidence in your wine choices.

So, good system or bad system, having one helps.
And here's mine.
Three steps.

One, look for an animal on the label.

Two, the less appetizing the animal on the label, the better the wine will be. For example, a wine with a crow or kangaroo on it will be better than a wine with a cow on it.

Three, if you still need to narrow it down, pick the wine that matches the decor of your house the best. This is perfectly acceptable because wine is a multi-sensory experience. Have you ever had a glass of wine that you didn't feel the urge to take a picture of? I haven't. And can you really TRULY enjoy a glass of wine if you're looking at something that offends your artistic sensibilities?
It's not a person, so it's perfectly acceptable to judge it by it's label.



And always remember, life is too short to worry if it's ok to like something.

The Jesse Discount.

It's hard to explain HOW the Jesse Discount works. I've seen it negotiated right in front of me and I'm still not sure exactly how it works.

But there is no question of it's existence. My brother Jesse gets a discount on ........... well, life, I think.

Equally difficult to describe is my brother himself. To say he's particular would imply he's annoying. And he really isn't. He knows exactly what he wants, but he'll pay extra or wait longer for it, with an undisturbed pleasant attitude.
People are always happy to do business with him again, even if they're giving him a deal they'd probably hesitate to give their own mother.


After observing him closely, I've gleaned the following tips, small formulas that make up the alchemy that is The Jesse Discount.

Jesse never appears to be in a hurry. How he manages that while never being late, I don't know. But Jesse always gives himself time to talk to the salesperson, owner, manager, chef, and learn about their job. Perhaps he gets the equivalent of the employee discount simply because he knows what magic number that IS. Jesse has more friends at his bank than I have in the entire world. He could have his own desk there, but he doesn't need it, since anyone there is willing to let him use theirs. He remembers names, kids, their last vacation, what their hair looked like before they cut it. He's not gushy, just pleasant and very attentive.
He'll talk to you for as long or short a time as you want.

Jesse never lies or manipulates. It's just not in him. I told him once that while he doesn't lack for depth, he doesn't have layers. There is no conscious, subconscious, ego, id, underlaying motive, etc. His thought process exists on one plane. And his frankness comes across when you talk to him.

Jesse knows exactly what he wants when he walks in the door. And exactly what he'll spend to get it. Negotiating doesn't meet in the middle, it consists of Jesse repeating exactly what he'd like, until you realize he means it, and let him know if you can or cannot accommodate him. And he taught me to explain that THAT is what's its worth to YOU, not a reflection of it's actual worth, so that they can let it go cheaply while still saving face.

Jesse is just stubborn enough to get what he wants, but not so stubborn as to inconvenience him much. This is a delicate balance, I know.

Jesse speaks body language fluently. Jesse might simply say hello, but meanwhile his body says, "I AM VERY IMPORTANT. YOU LIKE ME VERY MUCH. A FREE UPGRADE IS IN ORDER. NOW YOU ARE IMPORTANT BY ASSOCIATION. BRING ME A FREE DRINK (no ice, please) AND TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS."

One of the few qualities Jesse and I share is what I call the Tour Guide gene. We LOVE to tell what we know. Love it, love it. Jesse is never stingy with tips or helpful info. And since he soaks up information like a sponge (or a palm pilot) he's always got something.

Jesse dearly loves to be remembered. He tends to find his favorite of something, restaurant, airline reservation counter, taco stand in Ensenada Mexico, etc. People love to give discounts to repeat customers, and if they've memorized the way you like your steak, there's less chance of a mistake. Usually the first thing he'll do when entering any place of business is to ask for someone by name. Even if that person is not available, the person you're speaking with will wonder what information the person you asked for told you, or what discount they promised you, and tend to give you the benefit of the doubt.


So there you go. Of the magic show that is The Jesse Discount, those are the tricks I understand and can explain. The rest, you just have to sit back and enjoy the show, even, perhaps especially because you don't know how it's done.