I've been attacked.

It was just like they always warn us on Dateline.

I was in the grocery store parking lot, getting into my car, when I got a sharp blow to the back of my head, throwing my face into the doorframe of the car.

And again, just like they always say, I knew my assailant.

And that is why I'm able to draw the following sketch from memory.

Please, if you spot the culprit, please call.

I feel like such a fraud.

People keep asking if they can have one of my cookies. When I tell them yes, but that they're actually breaded eggplant cutlets, the excitement visably fades.



Although it does seem to clear up for them why I'm eating them with a fork.

He raises a valid point.

My Nick asked, "Why would anyone waste their time eating anything else besides cream corn?"

And the only explanation I can think of is that they're eating jalepeno poppers. Or these new eggplant cutlets I got from Trader Joes, "breaded (drowned?) in spices."

We love food. *licks fingers*

How to Choose a Wine, Sarah Smile Style.

First off, a disclaimer.
While this system IS based on my own experience, I won't pretend to know what I'm talking about. I don't know much about wine, and I have no great sense of taste when it comes to a good wine versus a bad wine. (This makes me a cheap date, so yay!) I fully admit that I might enjoy the wines I pick, because the system of picking them was so much fun. But why does it matter why you enjoy a wine, as long as you do?

So what will this system do for you?

It's very easy to remember, it will make you look like you know what you're doing in the wine aisle, and it will get you out of the aisle quicker. (So more time for drinking, yay!)
No more wandering, glazed eyes, up and down the aisle, using price as your only indicator of quality, not knowing what to look for on the label, and generally looking ignorant as chic people brush past you and pick confidently.
And you end up either spending a fortune because you don't want to gamble on a mid-priced wine, or you end up sticking with one kind and never trying something new, which is probably the best way of actually developing taste and confidence in your wine choices.

So, good system or bad system, having one helps.
And here's mine.
Three steps.

One, look for an animal on the label.

Two, the less appetizing the animal on the label, the better the wine will be. For example, a wine with a crow or kangaroo on it will be better than a wine with a cow on it.

Three, if you still need to narrow it down, pick the wine that matches the decor of your house the best. This is perfectly acceptable because wine is a multi-sensory experience. Have you ever had a glass of wine that you didn't feel the urge to take a picture of? I haven't. And can you really TRULY enjoy a glass of wine if you're looking at something that offends your artistic sensibilities?
It's not a person, so it's perfectly acceptable to judge it by it's label.



And always remember, life is too short to worry if it's ok to like something.

They're less suspicious when I buy nothing but a jumbo pack of toilet paper.

So then I said to the clerk, "I swear, there IS a reason I'm buying all these onions."

Life is short. Buy yourself flowers.

You don't sit around and wait for someone else to buy you cds or cute shoes, do you?
Besides, it's a great way to let those around you who might want to buy you flowers now and then know what your tastes are.
And it's not expensive. The above bouquet cost me around 7 or 8 bucks. The little white ones that look like paper lanterns (no idea what they're called) were only 3 or 4 dollars at Trader Joe's, and white roses were only 4 dollars at Albertsons. The vase on my desk is a sort of evolving bouquet, as one type dies, I take them out, and replace them with whatever new flower I've picked up at the grocery store.

And it does wonders for your state of mind.

My New Grocery Store

Sat morning found me shuffling into the grocery store just down the street from us, in need of cold medicine. And unlike the commercial, none of the boxes greeted me, and told me they were MY Robitussin.
Maybe that only happens after you drink a whole bottle. (Which I might add, after spending my weekend in a Robitussin-induced coma, really does NOT sound like fun. I know it's all the rage with the kids, but I fail to see the appeal. After taking just the regular dose, I felt like someone had hung weights from every available point on my body, and I yawned so hard it HURT. Apparently, I cannot hold my 'tussin.)

But while the Robitussin did not greet me, everyone else in the store did. You know how in dream sequences, were people imagine they're in heaven, and everyone greets them with a benevolant smile and warm words? It was like that, except they didn't know my name.

The florist, the butcher, the stockboys, everyone called out a hello like we were old friends.
It was creepy as hell, but also nice.

After All Those Quarters I've Wasted ....

... I had no idea it was actually possible to get a toy out of those machines with the claw. But trust Nick to accomplish the impossible, although I think he was as shocked as I was.

We went to the grocery store very early on Sat. morning, the first in a long list of errands that included Petco and Petsmart. Twice. Each.