Happiness isn't always so complex.

Sometimes it's as simple as feeding fruits and veggies to Rudolf.

He KNOWS his drawer in the fridge and the rustle of the produce bags and he stands up and his nose twitches in double time, and then he uses his hammock as a trampoline. It's so cute it makes my chest hurt.

Also, he loves cilantro. And that makes me want to kiss his face even more, because he has cilantro breath.

So then I said ....

"You know, that's the second time this week I've seen EMTs parked outside that pizza place. So either they REALLY like their pizza, or that place kills people."

Just goes to prove that a woman can turn anything a man says into him calling her fat.

Chinese Resturant Cashier - "Ok, and that'll be all?"

Sarah Smile - "Oh, add an order of crab rangoon."
*takes two straws and two sets of chopsticks*

Cashier - "So. This for your family ............... or having a party?"

Sarah Smile - *completely misses that he's fishing to see if she's single* "Why? Is that a lot of food for two people?"

Cashier - *turns a bit red* "Uh, not really, I guess, if you're hungry....."

Sarah Smile - "It's just that my boyfriend has been sick and now he's finally able to eat real food, so I wanted him to have whatever he wanted, you know, to be a good girlfriend and all-"

Cashier - "Next!"

Is it wrong to out your cat?

I mentioned earlier that my cat sleeps on a pile of purses in my closet. This might lead you to suspect what I've known all along, that my Mau is gay. (All together now folks, "Not that there's anything wrong with that.")

But rather than discuss his fondness for baby carrots and tufu, or he complete lack of sexual interest in Dulce, his beard wife, I'll just post actual photographic evidence.


It's ok, Mau. We all know, and we all accept you.

Be proud of me.

On Sat, at Nick's urging, I took a bike ride with him. My initial reaction was that there was no way I would make it up that hill on the bike, that I'd end up pushing the bike while simultaneously dying.

But he said he believed in me, and by golly I DID IT.

Of course, he ended up literally pushing me for the last part, and the last few feet, I actually crawled, but still.

I DID IT.

So now I'm eating french fries.

And yes, I agree. Facebook is dumb.

Thérèse:
is "cause it's lame" a good enough reason not to join Facebook?
Or do you suppose I need to qualify that with "cause it's lame and I am sick of joining things it takes to much energy"?

......................

......................

Sarah Smile:
Sorry, I was at lunch.

Thérèse:
VEAJAE.
NEVER, EVER apologize for lunch.
Lunch is sacred.

Sarah Smile:
You're right of course.
And yes, that's a good enough reason.
I think most decisions in life don't require an explanation.

Today has been a good day.

Our 'Rhymes with Bentel' Rep brought me a big bag 'o swag, including a candy, a magnetic dart game and a lightup pen. And who doesn't like a lightup pen?

"Oooooooooooooooo, I can do crossword puzzles in the dark now."

*blank look*

"I'm excited about that."

*blank look* "Ok. So that's good then."

He likes me, even if he never really understands me.


A childhood friend looked me up on myspace! I'd actually tried to find her a few months ago, with no luck, and now she found me!
After 17 years, I recognized her instantly.



This morning one of the engineers called me "Poet of his heart." I have no idea what that means, really, but it's sweet.


And I'm eating leftover chicken wings from On The Border.
All's right with the world.

And now I'm afraid of them.

Sarah Smile - "Hey, you wanna join Nick and I and some of his coworkers for drinks after work at On The Border?"

Coworker M - "Sounds great, actually, but [Coworker J] and I just started a new diet."

Sarah Smile - "Oh. You don't think there's something there you could eat?"

Coworker M - "Well, no, see, the diet is just for ten days we don't eat anything and only drink lemonade."

Sarah Smile - "Damn."

Coworker M - "Yeah."

Sarah Smile - "Do you know what kind of a person I'd be if I hadn't eaten in ten days? I'd be answering the phone with, 'I hate you, you fuckwad, I hope you die. Painfully. And then I'll eat you.'"

Coworker M - "I'm getting there."

Sarah Smile - "What day are you on?"

Coworker M - "Day one."

Jesse and Bethany are now an uncle and aunt.

And no, that's not a roundabout way of announcing anything personal here.
Bethany's sister Erin and her husband Scott just had a baby girl, Brenna.



Bethany once told me that she wanted to be the sort of aunt who made really good chocolate chip recipes. It was nice of Erin to give her a tester niece. By the time I have kids someday, Bethany will have that recipe down pat.



But speaking of sweet things, doesn't Brenna look edible?

Because I love him.

Sarah Smile - "What time is it?"

My Nick - "Time for my second ice cream sandwich, that's what time it is."

Sarah Smile - "I see that you feel about ice cream sandwiches the same way I feel about Popsicles."

My Nick - "Exactly."

Sarah Smile - "I am so happy that there is something in this world that brings you as much joy as a box of Popsicles brings me."

MHiM can always be counted on to play, even when he doesn't know the game.

Guy Waiting for an Interview with MHiM - "What's with the picnic tables out front?"

Sarah Smile - "St. Patrick's Day potluck."

Guy Waiting - "Oh, ok."

Sarah Smile - *bright smile* "Actually, it's something we do every day. We all bring food to share, and eat lunch together, and afterwards we all sing a song. It's sooooo much fun!"

Guy Waiting - *eyes widen* "Uh .... "

Sarah Smile - "Oh, I'm kidding of course."

Guy Waiting - *relaxes*

Sarah Smile - "That's just the Marketing department that does that."

Guy Waiting - *eyes widen again*

My Homie in Marketing - *comes down the stairs, bouncing with all his natural exuberance* "Hi [Guy Waiting]! Do you like hamburgers?"

Guy Waiting - *looks longingly at the door*

Maybe NOT better than onions.

Due to a unscrupulous Tupperware lid, or a little man in green, a sizable portion of the green jello I brought for today's picnic sloshed onto the back seat of my car.

I should have followed Colsy's suggestion and carried it in a cauldron.

I think it was those mischievous leprechauns.



On the upside, my car now smells very sugary. Like Lucky Charms.

I wanted to try something Irish for breakfast ...

...... and I thought long and hard and longingly and lovingly of Irish Coffee. But I wanted something special this morning, you know, not just the everyday routine.

So instead I ordered a corned beef sandwich. The lovely deli man made me repeat my order a couple of times. He's used to my strange whims, and he's whipped up some pretty great omelets to my exact specifications, but this seemed to be pushing it in his mind.

"Corned beef sandwich. You want a hot corned beef sandwich. For breakfast. Do you know what corned beef IS?"

"Good point. Better bring some whiskey along too then."

" ..................... Ok."

"I'm kidding. About the whiskey."

"Are you sure?"

I feel like such a fraud.

People keep asking if they can have one of my cookies. When I tell them yes, but that they're actually breaded eggplant cutlets, the excitement visably fades.



Although it does seem to clear up for them why I'm eating them with a fork.

A forewarded email.

By following the simple advice heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.

You have no idea how good I feel.

Totally better than onions.

I drew a great assignment for tomorrow's potluck here at work.

Green Jello!

This could be fun. I think I'll make jigglers just for an excuse to use my new cookie cutters.

The cool part is that I don't think the green jello will have any side effects, such as convincing my neighbors I'm insane, like that whole onion incident. Wait, maybe that's the sad part. Maybe I'll use up the leftover halloween candy, all those gummy fingers and ears, throw those in the jello, and leave some for the neighbors. I have a reputation to maintain now.

But seriously. Anybody got ideas on how to jazz it up a bit?

Maybe make it with vodka and not warn anybody? Maybe bring it in a giant tub and see if anyone wants to wrestle?



I found this picture while looking for jello recipes, and it slays me.
But again, back to my point.
Any ideas on how to make it more St. Patrick's Day-ish?

He raises a valid point.

My Nick asked, "Why would anyone waste their time eating anything else besides cream corn?"

And the only explanation I can think of is that they're eating jalepeno poppers. Or these new eggplant cutlets I got from Trader Joes, "breaded (drowned?) in spices."

We love food. *licks fingers*

Trash talk.

*slowly creeping up onramp in heavy traffic*

Sarah Smile - "Hey. Look at that." *nods to the shoulder*

My Nick - "Pudding cup."

Sarah Smile - "Get out and grab it. Go!"

My Nick - "Ha. I should tell one of my coworkers where we found it and offer them five bucks to eat it."

Sarah Smile - "We should get some at the grocery store, and just tell them we found it on the side of the road, offer five bucks to eat it, and when they refuse, eat it ourselves right then in front of them. THAT would creep 'em out."

The Internet isn't my ONLY friend.

And to prove it, I have pictures. And to prove that they were in fact taken in my living room, Sancho joins the picture.

Behold!

Dillon!


He joined Nick and I last night for SSS Sundays. Sushi and South Park (and sometimes Scotch) Sundays, that is.
Although it became Indian food and South Park and Wine Sunday this time, because he brought wine and doesn't eat seafood. Less alliterative, but oodles of fun!

Who's coming next week?

My dream dictionary has nothing on this subject.

The other night I had a dream that Nick and I had to go back to high school. We had matching backpacks and the whole thing had a funny, adventurous feeling to it.

We got our schedules from the class office, and all the classes were pretty standard. Except for our first class of the day, which was a class on radishes.

Yeah.

*shrug*

In fact, on the schedule there was no explanation, in fact it didn't even name the class, it's just said First Period and there was an actual radish glued to the paper.



And then we got a truckload of sand and built a beach on piece of rocky shoreline. People with shovels showed up to help us and then we had a big beach party, and dolphins swam up to party with us.

What does it all mean?