A forewarded email.

By following the simple advice heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.
So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates.

You have no idea how good I feel.

I bought his first album.

And I don't want to sound like a mean old hag, stripping the world of things that other people find enjoyable. But I must confess I would totally wear this t-shirt.



(Also available with comma.)

And they say celebrity gossip is mindless and useless information.

Everything I know about geography, I learned from reading about Angelina Jolie's adoptions.

ANTM was on last night. I tried so hard not to be excited. I tried so hard not to care.

But what can I say? I love it.

Mostly because watching girls with good attitudes do well, and girls who bitch and make enemies and whine have it eventually come around to bit them in the ass, it reminds me that even in what is considered a shallow, looks-based industry, attitude matters.
And as a girl who is wondering what on earth she is going to do with her life, and often thinks she has nothing but a good attitude, it's empowering to see that.
If it can do so much in the modeling world, what can it do in my life?

And also, because I love the crazy. I'm a connoisseur of the crazy. I swirl it gently, then savor it, swishing it against all the different taste buds of my mind.
And America's Next Top Model has some of the purest and rarest brands of crazy. Starting with, but certainly never limited to, the host.


Oh, Tyra's crazy. She knows her stuff when it comes to the fashion world, and I think her expertise and eye for talent are suberb. If I was looking to enter a field, I would love to have a mentor as knowledgeable and honest and warm. But also, she CRAZY.

Also, and maybe this is part of what made her so good as a model, everything she says ends up sounding like, "ME. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" On the show all her personal experience stories sound relate-able and helpful. On the Tyra Banks Show, you get the impression that all her guests are thinking, "Why am I even here?"
Still, you gotta giggle when the model's house is decorated with giant pictures of Tyra. Of course, if I had my own show, I'd prolly do the same thing. BECAUSE I CAN.

And last night was a great example. She comes into view yelling and bouncing and steppin'. No seriously. Steppin'. (I'm sorry, I know it's an "old and prestigious dance form," but all I can think of when I see it is the preview for that movie Stomp the Yard, in which the most ridiculous line of dialog EVER was uttered. "I don't step. I battle." I can't even type that without giggling.) The general effect Tyra's grand entrance was an explosion of crazy so delicious, I had to call Nick, who was off riding his bike and trying to miss the whole show.

And then of course there are the contestants. Natasha who is so carefully sidestepping the words "mail-order bride," Jaslene who's tongue spends more time out of her mouth than in, lolling around in various directions, usually upwards, and Renee and Sarah, who both look so sweet, yet just really need to square off in a cage match. To the death. Winner eats (then promptly pukes) the losers eyeballs. And again, Jaslene, who portrayed an executioner just a little too easily.
There's some serious crazy lurking under the surface there.

This is gonna be good. My mouth is practically watering as the prospect.
So. Much. Crazy.

Oh Gwynie.

Our love will never die.

It IS her own hair. Let her shave it if she wants.

Before I go on, I should clarify that I do think Britney is having a meltdown, and I do think she's acting like she needs help and she's having trouble asking with words. That seems quite clear.

But of all the odd things she's done, shaving her head doesn't seem so odd. When she said she was tired of people touching it, I had a sudden flash of sympathy. I mean, in the two hours it took to do my hair on Sat, I got sick of it. And she's dealt with it, what, almost daily, since she was what? Nine? How old was she when she started on the Mickey Mouse club?
At any rate, it's been a long time.

And she has a pretty shaved head, as shaved heads go.

I think it's a not so subtle statement, of starting over. That's not so bad a statement, either.

About the Beauty and the Geek finale last night.

I think Nate summed it up pretty well, when he said (after campaigning successfully for his team to lose), "It's probably a good thing that Cecile didn't win, it's better for the world."

Happy Valentines Day to my True Love, The Internet.

Tonight, I will go home, pour myself a glass of wine, kiss the most wonderful man in the world, have a candlelit carpet picnic, watch the season finale of Beauty and the Geek and reflect on my unbelievable good luck.

May you all feel so lucky in your life as I do in mine.

You'd think he'd pick The New Yorker.

My Nick - *reading a bike magazine* "Christ."

Sarah Smile - *leans over his shoulder* "Where?! He did an interview?"

In six months, I wil despise myself for this.

I've officially decided that Nate and Jennylee (from Beauty and the Geek) are the cutest thing ever. I mean, I'm sure they've broken up already and all, but whatever. They're cute as hell.
And when Nate "jumped out a window"* to say goodbye to her after her team was eliminated, I let out an audible "awwwww."

(*I'm sure the producer had something to do with it, it was good tv.)

How much do I like them?

(I can't believe I a). did this and b). am telling the internet about it.)

I added them as myspace friends.

Yeah. I know. I suck.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a game to play.

If anyone should know, it's us.

Jonny says:
Pete and Sven and I will be cult celebrities before the year is up.

Colsy says:
we know
we're the cult

Sarah Smile says:
*nods*

Hell on wheels.

TV Commercial - "......... And you can win a seat on our special bus trip to watch Regis and Kelly, live in LA!"

Sarah Smile - "I can't think of a place I'd less like to be, than trapped on a bus with a bunch of Regis and Kelly fans."

My Nick - "A Justin Timberlake concert, a party with Britney Spears, within 50 feet of Paris Hilton..."

Sarah Smile - "I see your point. Perhaps there are worst places."

My Nick - "A buffet with Rosie O'Donnell ....." *continues for about ten minutes*

A big ole dose of the crazy.

This is Rod Luck. He is a reporter for one of our local news channels.
Oh, and he's completely out of his mind.

The people he interviews always look rather terrified of him. He has this bull in a china shop style of interviewing.

But this morning?
This morning was the best.

This morning he was reporting from a golf tournament, where his camera man was not allowed to follow him. So the camera man went up in a nearby crane, and zoomed in on Rod interviewing spectators.

Spectators who looked around and could not see a camera.
Only a crazy man with a microphone.
A crazy man with a microphone who couldn't figure why everyone was staring at him like he was nuts, a crazy man growing increasingly frustrated.

It was brilliant TV.

Did Anyone Watch Beauty And The Geek Last Night?

What the heck happened to Nate after his makeover?

He looked lost, and suddenly he had a lisp. I'm mean, it's cool if he likes his new look, which he seemed too, and he did look very handsome. Whether or not it was an improvement over his old look is a matter of opinion.

But after the makeover, he seemed to be acting so different. Quieter, subdued, dare I say it, boring? Normal?
Did he keep his personality in that beard?





Maybe he just needs time to settle into his new look, figure out how to rock it. I hope so. Otherwise that makeover was a bust.

Are you allowed to enjoy watching it?

TV - ".... and next, LaToya Jackson gets tasered!"

My Nick - "Now THAT should be a show."

Sarah Smile - "Like Punked? Tasered! Just let Ashton loose with a taser gun and tape it? Brilliant. I'd watch."