'Splainin'.

In case you were wondering what was up with my eleven posts yesterday, I should explain.

'Rezziekins challenged me to post ten times (*yawn* that's easy), and to include a secret message to her in each.

So perhaps this doesn't explain some of the things I said, but it should explain why they need an explanation.

You dig?

June 20th

Whatcha all doing on June 20th?

I've declared it the official Meet Other Bloggers Day.

Ask Miss VJ

Dear Miss VJ,

So.... What special skills do I have?
I'm working on my resume for my audition tomorrow.

Help?

- Little Miss CJ





Dear Miss CJ,

You have so many special skills, so this is intended in no way to be a comprehensive list, just a few you might forget to add.

1. Pouting cutely. When I pout, I look like a belligerent cow. You look like a charming little duck. This is a skill.

2. Jazz hands. I'm seen you deploy them under all sorts of circumstances, while surprised, ill or that one time you were upside down. That is a skill.

3. A mean right jab. I should know, I taught you. It's a skill.

4. Wearing hats. You can. Which is a skill.

5. Act. Be sure to add that. It doesn't need an explanation either. They know it's a skill.


But most of all, just be your beautiful little lit-from-within self and they'll love you and adore you and want to roll you up in a burrito and eat you. Prolly cast you, too.

Adorably,
Miss VJ


*grimaces at the skull*

*whispers "Harry, are you ready for this love scene?"*


Next question, please!

I even know what I would name it.

Systems Engineer - "So I know what sort of car you should drive."

Sarah Smile - *thinking 'please say ice cream truck'*

Systems Engineer - "Have you ever seen the movie Dumb and Dumber?"

Sarah Smile - "The dog car?"

Systems Engineer - "Yeah! You really should do that to your car."

Sarah Smile - "Yeah, but then your insurance company has to re-evaluate your car and your payment can go up."

Systems Engineer - "Really? Wait. Why do you know that?"

Sarah Smile - "I looked into it." *deep sigh*

Working.

Spillover

People often ask me if I answer my cell phone with the same greeting that I use all day at work.
To which I always respond, "No, are you kidding? I never answer my cell phone."


But my work as a receptionist has definitely spilled over into my private life in lots of ways. Not the least of which is .....

1. I never answer my cell phone. I love my job, but by the end of the day, I'm soooooooooo done talking on the phone.
2. When I pick a new hair cut, I make sure it will look ok with a headset.
3. When I end a conversation with a person standing in front of me at my desk, I often hit the headset button, as if 'hanging up' on our conversation.
4. I use my phone voice, never to my friends, but to anyone I want to impress.
5. I get annoyed when people let their phones ring. It needs to answered, like a crying baby needs to be comforted.
6. Sometimes I answer other people's phone, because the ringing to me is like an insistent tapping and someone calling my name, all at once.
7. I never buy a pair of pants without sitting down in them and letting my gut out.
8. I never worry about whether or not my shoes are work appropriate, since nobody sees them anyway. I'm like a newscaster.
9. I've graduated past being "a good liar," to an artist who works in the medium of Lie.
10. I can talk on the phone with my mouth full and you'd never know it. PRACTICE, man. I've gotten lots of practice multitasking.
    

The real reason comes out.

Colsy says:
I want to have a daughter and name her Rio.

*plays Sims instead*

Sarah Smile says:
That's what you do when you think of a great name for a kid and are dying to use it?
I just get another pet.

Art

I've always loved the art of Ted De Grazia. Somehow he manages to be subtle and colorful, all at once.







One of my favorite necklaces is handpainted with this design, titled Beautiful Burden.





The necklace was a gift from my Tiny Gramie, who lived near this artist as a child. She said he was cranky. You wouldn't think it to look at his work, would you?
I always feel so happy when I wear it.

There is an element of sheer wrongness to this photo, which was prolly unintended by the photographer and stylist.

It just doesn't seem appropriate. Like wearing a wedding dress on an airplane.

It's prolly more interesting in my head, anyway.

Sarah Smile - *walking by*

My Other Other Other Homie in Marketing - "......... and so now I keep my bedroom door locked."

Sarah Smile - "Do I wanna know?"

MOOOHiM - "Prolly not"

Sarah Smile - "Ok. I can accept that."

I can't decide.

This one?


Or this one?


Perhaps the obvious answer is BOTH, and let them hang in a closet next to each other like cigarette girl and a glamorous actress meeting in a speakeasy in 1923.

Just goes to prove that a woman can turn anything a man says into him calling her fat.

Chinese Resturant Cashier - "Ok, and that'll be all?"

Sarah Smile - "Oh, add an order of crab rangoon."
*takes two straws and two sets of chopsticks*

Cashier - "So. This for your family ............... or having a party?"

Sarah Smile - *completely misses that he's fishing to see if she's single* "Why? Is that a lot of food for two people?"

Cashier - *turns a bit red* "Uh, not really, I guess, if you're hungry....."

Sarah Smile - "It's just that my boyfriend has been sick and now he's finally able to eat real food, so I wanted him to have whatever he wanted, you know, to be a good girlfriend and all-"

Cashier - "Next!"

Maybe that's what Britney meant about her baby being her religion.

Sarah Smile:
Have you ever tried to meditate with a puppy around?

Therese:
have you ever successfully meditated with a puppy around?

Sarah Smile:
He keeps sticking his tongue down my ear.

Therese:
*laughs*

Sarah Smile:
But I figure all that giggling is almost as good for you as meditating.

Therese:
*smile*
it totally is.

And yes, I agree. Facebook is dumb.

Thérèse:
is "cause it's lame" a good enough reason not to join Facebook?
Or do you suppose I need to qualify that with "cause it's lame and I am sick of joining things it takes to much energy"?

......................

......................

Sarah Smile:
Sorry, I was at lunch.

Thérèse:
VEAJAE.
NEVER, EVER apologize for lunch.
Lunch is sacred.

Sarah Smile:
You're right of course.
And yes, that's a good enough reason.
I think most decisions in life don't require an explanation.

Slideshow! Mostly for 'Rezzie.

This is what happens when Dulce is sitting on your lap and you scare her. It's healing nicely. Also, guess the body part!



Old Navy got ahold of me. It happens. I call them my frog-leg pants. Would you believe people bring me things to be hemmed? Physician, heal thyself!



And this me. I just had an Orange Julius, so I am very happy. Also, high on sugar. Same diff.



Please note in the above photo my favorite earrings. Also, the box of cookies on my desk, which were given to me by this guy.
("Oh, my BOYFRIEND loves these! Thank you! I'll make sure he knows they're from you! So sweet.")

'Rezzie asked me for a list of lame-except-that-they're-really-kinda-cool things to do on a Tuesday night.

And then I realized it's Mardi Gras.
Which doesn't mean much to me, personally. I have a puppy to get home to, and with Nick out of town, so what little indulgent or naughty revelry I might have gotten into is out. Maybe instead of my usual glass of wine nightcap, I'll spice it up with a Midori Sour.

What? I've never claimed to have a crazy life in a Paris Hilton sense.
I claimed to have a crazy, somewhat surreal, fun in unusual ways/times/locations kinda life, but that's different. I mean, from another perspective, you could say I have a very ordinary sort of life. Office job, house in the suburbs, a popular model of car, no major vices, unless you count coloring books or caffiene.

But anyhoo.
Here's the various things I'm thinking of doing tonight.


Make chicken and rice burritos.

Sing Rod Steward songs. Loudly. "Maggie, I think I got something to say to you..." "She give me love, love, love, love, crazy love...." "... love until your heart break...."

Wear a dress and earrings, even just around the house, even if no one is around. But no shoes.

Make a mobile out of pictures, glitter, odd earrings and seashells.

Pratice my swing dancing to whatever music comes on the tv, from commercials or tv show themes.


Feel free to join me, in spirit.

We would know.

"Dorks have more fun.
They've got it all wrong: dorks.
Not blonds."

- 'Rezzie.

I'm not mean. Never mean. Just firm. It saves both our time. I know. I used to be one of THEM.

Sarah Smile: That was satisfying.
Lately we've been getting a lot of calls with just a recording.
Inviting us to call.
And I'm so busy I just hang up on them.
Because I don't have time to jot down the number or sit on hold after I've called them.
But the phones are light this morning.
So I wrote down the number, and called, and finally got a person.
She answers with, "What's your first and last name please?" and I said, "No. We're going to start with something different.
*rant about how I work ten very busy lines*
"and what I need from you is to tell me exactly how you are going to make this stop."
I think I scared her a little.
Because she outlined each step of removing my number from the database.

Thérèse: Ha ha aha ha hahahahahahahah
That's my girl.

Sarah Smile: *nods*
That felt good.

Thérèse: I believe you.
There is nothing quite as scary as a woman on a crusade who is right.

Stuck in my head, like a song.

Jonny says it's an OCD thing, that most of the things that enter his brain get stuck there. He says his brain is sticky.

This makes me feel less crazy, although I suppose crazy is a relative term.

'Rez has blogged that she has the phrase "she farted, softly" stuck in her head.

Colsy cops to "hurly burly," and "evil jungle prince," and "cellar door."

Jonny has "a man is bread," and "bollocks to thee" stuck in his head.

I know this because I asked, because I have "the inside is larger than the outside" stuck in my head. It's from The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis, which I read recently while in the tub. Yes, in one bath I read the whole book. I told you I could live in my tub. I'm like Story.


Also, here is the cover of that book, which I loved as a child, and despite it being rather straightforward, I could stare at it endlessly.

Also, for as long as I can remember, I've had the phrase, "Do you know what she DID?" stuck in my head. Whenever I'm not thinking of anything in particular, this floats out of some corner of my brain to fill the void. Why that phrase? I have no idea.
This usually happens in the shower.
Tub, shower, there seems to be a connection.
Perhaps I need a warning label.

Sarah Smile, Crazier When Wet.

I have the vague feeling that I am "she" so perhaps my subconscious is aghast at my own behavior.
Maybe it's like dreams, just some random bit of information I took in, that my brain isn't sure where to file.

I dunno.

What phrases get stuck in your head?

I know you guys will understand

Sarah Smile: GUESS WHO CAME TO MY BLOG.
I hyperventilated.

Thérèse: Not...
...
... doo...couldn't be.

Sarah Smile: Yep.
I called Nick. And Bunny.

Thérèse: NO FREAKING WAY!
OH MY GOD!

Sarah Smile: Now, for all I know she looked around and thought it was crap, but she was THERE.

Thérèse: HOLY GOD!
THAT'S AWESOME!
Really, that's the equivalent of having a celebrity in your home.
You now have to add a stamp somewhere on your blog that says "over 4572947 visitors, AND ONE OF THEM WAS DOOCE."

Sarah Smile: I was thinking about it.
Spraypainting DOOCE WAS HERE across my header.
See, you understand.
The random people I cornered in the lobby, did not understand.

Thérèse: Well, yeah, they couldn't.
Even if you explained it to them, they wouldn't understand.

Sarah Smile: Not for lack of enthusiasm on my part, but yeah, they didn't understand.

Thérèse: Veaj, THAT'S SO COOL!

Sarah Smile: I KNOW.
I'M NOT EVEN USING CAPLOCKS HERE. I'M HITTING SHIFT FOR EACH KEY, THATS HOW HAPPY I AM.