A dose of Jonny, in letter form, in case you were having withdrawls.

And who isn't, frankly.
Because Jonny rocks, just ask his fan club.

.... "My new flat is nice. While moving in to it has made me marginally richer in terms of money, far more significantly it has made me obscenely wealthy in terms of furniture. I now have three sofas, three chests of drawers, two wardrobes, on and a half beds, two kitchen tables (with chairs), three cookers and two fridges. Most of these were there when I arrived. My new landlord, who is also my colleague, and if he were any more laid back would actually be dead just said, "Yeah, whatever, you can have them," or words to that effect. So now I'm inundated by furniture. There are at least three dining chairs currently in the bathroom, and a cooker. I suppose next time I feel like making a bacon sandwich in the shower (as we all do at least on one occasion during the day) I will actually be able to. Electrocution? Not for me, I'm special."

Ask Miss VJ

Dear Miss VJ,

So.... What special skills do I have?
I'm working on my resume for my audition tomorrow.

Help?

- Little Miss CJ





Dear Miss CJ,

You have so many special skills, so this is intended in no way to be a comprehensive list, just a few you might forget to add.

1. Pouting cutely. When I pout, I look like a belligerent cow. You look like a charming little duck. This is a skill.

2. Jazz hands. I'm seen you deploy them under all sorts of circumstances, while surprised, ill or that one time you were upside down. That is a skill.

3. A mean right jab. I should know, I taught you. It's a skill.

4. Wearing hats. You can. Which is a skill.

5. Act. Be sure to add that. It doesn't need an explanation either. They know it's a skill.


But most of all, just be your beautiful little lit-from-within self and they'll love you and adore you and want to roll you up in a burrito and eat you. Prolly cast you, too.

Adorably,
Miss VJ


*grimaces at the skull*

*whispers "Harry, are you ready for this love scene?"*


Next question, please!

Dear Miss VJ

Dear Miss VJ,

I've longed to write letters to people. I have stationary and current addresses, but how does one go about starting up a conversation after not having spoken with a relative or old friend for several years?

C.O.D.


*sits at a desk with oodles of cubbyholes*

*chews the end of a pen*


Dear C.O.D.,

I don't see why an explanation would be necessary. The fact that you wanna catch up on each other's lives would be fairly self-explanatory. Unless you last spoke on bad or strange terms, like an argument or restraining order, I would just write to them. People love getting letters.
Believe me, I know.

*wink*

Adorably,
Miss VJ


*adds a kiss mark to the end of the letter*

*spritzes the letter with perfume, then spritzes herself*


Next question, please.

Even their names rock.

My great-grandparent's names were Claire and Raleigh.

Well, they were sorta my step-great-grandparents. Previously. By marriage. To people who are now deceased.
Basically, they're not related to me and my great-grandparents aren't my great-grandparents at all.

My great-grandmother, who's name I don't recall, and never met, died. So my great-grandfather, who's name I don't recall and who I also never met, married Claire, and then he died. Claire married Raleigh.

So when the dust settled, Claire and Raleigh had amassed a great fortune of step-relatives. I say fortune, because they were sweet enough to see us that way. They sent me animal posters and long letters (even though Claire had arthritis in her hands and the only thing that was easy to make out in the letters was her sweet and thoughtful nature) and a Christmas card that said, "the stockings were hung by the chimney with Claire" with a drawing of an old woman hung with the stockings (by the apron strings, not by her neck, it wasn't THAT demented), and they invited us to their house in the desert once when they got a thin layer of snow, and let me muss up their whole front yard by scraping it all into one rather dirty snowman.

So all that to say that I wish they were still alive because they were my kind of people.

Dear New Guy,

Please, try not to lean in quite so close when you ask if there are any showers in the building, and try not to look quite so disappointed when I say no, that there aren't any.
I'm trying not to judge you on first impression, and you're making it difficult.


Quite sincerely,

Your Friendly Local Lobbyist.

New Game

Go to google maps.
Make up addresses until you find a real one.
Click on satellite to make sure it's residential.
Write a chatty letter.
Mail it to them.

See what happens.

Repeat until you get a new pen pal.


I'll keep you posted with mine.

A Letter To Me!

(From 'Rezzie, on my birthday.)


First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I heard this latest birthday was giving you a bit of trouble, was a bit of a shock, and so I thought, as an experienced (yet still new enough that I forget how old I am) 26 yr old, I could tell you a thing or two.

Being 26 means you're in the last year of your mid-twenties. You're not yet in your late twenties. Nothing to panic about.

Being 26 has nothing to do with cartoons, colouring, or eating candy. (nothing to do with, as in it's ok if I still indulge in all three?)

Being 26 means you are younger than 30, which means there is still lots of time to have that I'm 30 yrs old crisis, and you can decide how you'll want to handle that when it happens. (I think I'll plan to handle the crisis with a lot of lollipops)

Being 26 means you've officially passed that crazy part of life where you do things because you feel like doing them even though they're completely ridiculous, and if you really think about it it's really the crazy hormones who are making you yell you're not even angry or anything, why are you being so unreasonable?

Being 26 doesn't mean you look your age. I'll bet you still get carded, don't you Veaj. (Carded? I get asked by old ladies if I'm excited about school starting back up and whether or not I like gym class)

Being 26 marks the over-two-year blogaversary. You've been blogging for years! You can say that now! Years with an "s"! Not that you couldn't months ago, but now it's a healthy two years. It's OVER two years. You know. I'm sure you know what I mean. (Which makes my longest relationship with ........ well, you guys. Sweet.)

Being 26 means you can start thinking about grownup things without it being ridiculous. Like having children, which is absolutely ridiculous at age 25. Well, not really, but you're older, hopefully wiser, and generally in a better position to care for children yourself now. Since you want children, I mention it. You can be more comfortable with the idea now. (That's true. I do find the idea of being someone's mother ever so slightly less terrifying now.)

Being 26 means you have a lot of things to look forward to in your life. You're going to love being in your 50s, 60s, 70s... why not 20s, 30s, 40s? The mystery is what makes it exciting to live.

Being 26 means you learn more about what you want out of life, and you filter out the bullshit that you feel like you have to go through when you're younger. You don't have to waste your time on people you don't appreciate or who don't appreciate you. You have real friends and they love you. I'm pretty sure you have a firm toehold on that whole concept, but it's one of those things that usually come with time, so... you know.

Being 26 has nothing to do with the average age people get married these days, which is 31. (Oh, no worries there. To be married at 26 would be a very sensible and boring thing to do. To be married younger is reckless and romantic, to be married later is quieter and sweeter, but to be married at 26? Boring.)

Being 26 just means being a dork is better. The older you get, the better it is to be a dork. You're just stepping into your prime!

Being doesn't mean there are new rules or anything. We make our own rules. There are no rules. (Wooooooooooohooooooooo!)

Being 26 means you might get to meet me. Because I have a good feeling about this year. Well, it doesn't really mean you might get to meet me, because it may be a bit longer, but it definitely means we're closer to meeting each other. HOW COOL IS THAT! I still get excited when I plan it. In the near future, distant future. I don't know, but... you know.

Being 26 means you join the ranks of the likes of Mr Jonny Opinion, Miss Kendra, and Rezzie. We may very well be the three coolest people you know. (True, you might very well be the coolest people I know. Remind me to send you guys your tiaras and sashes.)

So all in all... being 26? It's really not all that bad. It's actually pretty ace. Awesome. Yeah!

So Happy Birthday, VeaJae. I love you!

Rezzie

PS. *looks to left, looks to right, quickly waves in a justice of the peace, a walrus, three giraffes, a hippo, a baby moose, thirty guests and a cake, marries VJ inconspicuously while she plays with the moose*

Dear Makers Of The Movie "The Holiday,"

It's not just that I haven't seen your movie.
It's that I'm actively NOT watching it. On purpose.
You know why?
Because I have never felt so over-marketed before in my life.
For the love of all that is holy, I've seen the trailer so many times that I'm sure it adds up to six times the length of the actual movie.
And it's the SAME trailer, no variation whatsoever
You've actually made me sick of the lovely Kate Winslet.
The ads, they're everywhere.

Please, please stop.
I'm begging.

I'm not Mormon. To my extended family, I'm not Mormon YET.

Sarah Smile says:
I just joined a facebook group of people with my last name.
Most of them go to BYU which means they're my distant cousins.

Colsy says:
heheh
i almost did that yesterday...weird

Sarah Smile says:
My dad hails from a HUGE Mormon family.

Colsy says:
wow...you also have Mormon in your genes...

Thérèse has been added to the conversation.

Sarah Smile says:
Honey, I have polygamy in my genes, and not so very far back, either.

Thérèse says:
I love coming into conversations in moments such as this one.

Sarah Smile says:
Of course the family would like to forget that, but Mormons keep such detailed and official records.
A call to the temple is all the research I'd ever have to do if I wanted my family tree.

Colsy says:
damn
you're lucky that way

Sarah Smile says:
They'd be happy to send me a wall chart with snappy colors, to remind me how much Mormon is in my blood.

Colsy says:
no kidding
but then you might get put on their mailing list

Sarah Smile says:
Oh, I'll never be off it.
I'm FAMILY.
They have great faith that eventually we'll all be sucked back in.
Ironically, I'm also on a mailing list for the Anti-Mormon Christians.
They're batshit.

Colsy says:
woah...

Sarah Smile says:
It's hilarious.

Colsy says:
too bad you can't send a forwarding address, and give them each others....

Sarah Smile says:
Their last newsletter was covered in butterflies, for no apparent reason.