I always think of Shawn when it's cold outside.
Shawn died a couple of years ago in the cold one night. Alone in a park. From malnutrition and exposure.
I didn't know. I DID knew he was struggling to kick his drug habit, I didn't know he was losing that battle, I didn't know he'd been living on the streets.
I didn't know that my cousin, the same tenderhearted boy that once loved a girl in a wheelchair, and used to pick her up and twirl her around the dance floor because she missed dancing after the car accident that put her in the chair, would die in the dirt, behind some bushes.
What would I have done if I HAD known?
I don't know exactly.
Something.
I'm not so naive as to think that I could have solved his problems, or that offering a drug addict a home with me would have been a good idea.
But I could have fed him. Let him steal from me. Given him a better coat. Gone looking for him. Let him make my life hell. Loved him without judgement.
I failed him, I think, that he didn't know that.
That he didn't know that he had me.
Shawn died a couple of years ago in the cold one night. Alone in a park. From malnutrition and exposure.
I didn't know. I DID knew he was struggling to kick his drug habit, I didn't know he was losing that battle, I didn't know he'd been living on the streets.
I didn't know that my cousin, the same tenderhearted boy that once loved a girl in a wheelchair, and used to pick her up and twirl her around the dance floor because she missed dancing after the car accident that put her in the chair, would die in the dirt, behind some bushes.
What would I have done if I HAD known?
I don't know exactly.
Something.
I'm not so naive as to think that I could have solved his problems, or that offering a drug addict a home with me would have been a good idea.
But I could have fed him. Let him steal from me. Given him a better coat. Gone looking for him. Let him make my life hell. Loved him without judgement.
I failed him, I think, that he didn't know that.
That he didn't know that he had me.
1 Comments:
We can't always help everyone. But we can try not to feel guilty when it's to late to do anything. I'm sure his parents feels the same way, maybe even worse. So look forward and live for today. Try and help the people around you today. Just remember, just saying a short prayer for someone can make a very big difference even though you might not see it every day.
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