Not everything in life is a joke.

But sometimes it feels that way.

I know that joking around on your dental insurance forms probably isn’t a good idea, but with questions (set ups?) like “Primary language” (None, puppy dog eyes, total and complete lies!) and “Communication impairments”(Suspicious, oversensitive to criticism, tendency to interrupt) how am I supposed to resist?

Mo' money, mo' problems?

Something happened while Nick and I were doing my taxes, something that shook me to my core, that messed with my very sense of identity.

It came right down the wire about whether or not I would end up OWING state taxes or getting a refund.

Either way, it was going to be a small enough amount of money that it didn't really matter. It's more the principle of the matter. Since when do I make enough money to be in that income bracket?

Ok, there is an answer to that question, it pretty much dates back to my last raise. Like, it adds up when I do the math, but like my age, it's sorta crept up on me.

I suddenly feel like such a grown up.
Lets see if that feeling lasts until I get my refund. (And yes, it worked out that way, I'll be getting a small refund.) Lets see whether or not I use it for student loans or ............... this.

Oh who am I kidding. The federal refund I'll use sensibly, but they might as well send my state refund right over to Anthropologie. With a note in the memo section, with my shipping info and the words "for these".

Death and Taxes, preferably in that order.

Last night I started doing my own taxes.

This is big.

For me, this is big.


The last time I attempted to do my own taxes, I tried to do them online and messed them up so badly that I was actually banned from doing them online again for the next three years.

You didn't know that could happen, did you?

I'm special.

Wait. That IS bad, right?

Movie Voiceover - ".... and so his generals were turned to stone."

Sarah Smile - "Well, THAT seems harsh."

JPD - "Huh?"

Sarah Smile - "Ooooooooooh, 'gennnerals.' Never mind."

Colsy says I should blog about trees.

More specifically, my favorite tree.

When she asked, it was very easy to think of my favorite tree.
While I have had many love affairs with different trees in my life, (and one love affair in a tree, but that's another story) there is one tree I can still sketch (badly) from memory.

My favorite tree is an avocado tree. And no, it's not my favorite because avocados are my favorite food group. Although partly.
It was in the orchard in our yard, growing up, at what is now Bunny's house.
Avocado trees in general kick ass as climbing trees for a couple of reasons.
One, they grow really strong and unique main limbs.
Two, they're like a tent. All the small branches and leaves are out at the ends of the tree. It's like a natural treehouse.

Of all the trees in the orchard, this tree was my favorite.
A was like a natural little hammock. I could (and often did) lounge there for hours with a book and an apple.
B was low enough that I could coax my dogs to jump up and hang out with me for awhile.
Sometimes I could even get them to walk out to the end of C with me, and lie in wait for some to walk past.

That tree was my clubhouse, my pirate ship, my deserted island, my castle, my lair.
And sometimes when I'm at Bunny's, I climb it again, always expecting to run into a skinny, skinned-knee, apple-clutching, 11-year-old version of myself up there.

This needs to belong to me.

I think it will feel the same sense of emptiness I'm feeling, until we are brought together.

They make me a better receptionist.

Sarah Smile - "What's with all the books?"

Systems Engineer - "Just studying on being an SE."

Sarah Smile - "You ARE an SE."

Systems Engineer - "Yeah, just learning to be a better one."

Sarah Smile - "Oh, ok. I'm doing the same thing. I'm shopping for coloring books on Amazon."

Pick your planet.

My inner 8 year old wants to make this into a book and take it to bed with me, to read under the covers with a flashlight, while I should be sleeping.

Bad, Sarah. BAD.

Is it terrible that I would watch this?

That I find this really, really funny?

*crickets chirp*

So, yeah then?

Ok, I'm ashamed of myself now.

*smoothers snickers*

What exactly are they MADE of?

I must confess I was a bit disturbed to see an add in my gmail for "Realistic Stuffed Cats."

The actual product is a bit scary, although not in the manner in which I was afraid they would be scary.



Also, I want one.

Underneath it all, we're all the same. Perverted.

Colsy says: Do you think it would be fun or creepy to have a doll made in your image?

Sarah Smile says: FUN. Generally, if something is walking that line between fun and creepy, I find it fun. Partly because of it's creepiness.

Colsy says: I would probably do the first thing with it that I always do with a doll.

Sarah Smile says: Look to see if it has underpants?

Colsy says: Yuppers. Or that lovely skin bra.

Sarah Smile says: If it has boobies, do you run your finger between them? Like if it's a barbie? I do.

Colsy says: Same here.

Sarah Smile says: Is that strange?

Colsy says: It's curiosity!

Sarah Smile says: Thank god. I feel normal now. Well, not really. Not in general. Just about this thing.

I made him tell me every detail.

My Nick - "Last night I dreamt that you bought a pet whale."

Sarah Smile - "Aaaaaaaaaa!What did it look like?What sort of whale?Where did I keep it?Could it talk?What was it's name?Did we have magical adventures together?I AM SO JEALOUS THAT YOU HAD THIS DREAM AND NOT ME!"

Who wants to come with us?

Who wants to go see the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie with Nick and I at the drive in?

We'll bring katanas and pizza and I'll dress up as Donatello, and you can dress up as Michelangelo or Raphael or the other one, and Nick can dress up like Man Who Thinks His Girlfriend Is Nuts! (He already has this costume.)

It'll be FUN!



Come on, Colsy, you know you want to.

The Eternal Debate.

Do I or do I not like Disneyland?
I can never decide.

I like the Jungle Cruise ride. I hate the gift shops. I like hugging the characters in costume. I hate that I like hugging the characters in costume. The movies are fun. I don't think most of the characters in Disney movies are good role models.
It's soooooooooo cheesy. Is that always a bad thing?

Some days I think it's innocent fun, and other days I think its soulless and wrong.


Why can't someone create a NarniaLand? With no gift shop. I'd be so much less conflicted. And think of the rides!

I take it as a compliment, of course.

One of our 'Rhymes with Bentel' reps said I remind her of her daughter. Her six year old daughter. Who is really into crafts.

Computer Parts Pictionary?

My Homie in Sales just moved from a cubicle to a bright shiny new office. With a WINDOW. And a HUGE whiteboard. He was telling me that he doesn't know what to do with the whiteboard, that he keeps all his information on his computer.

I suggested that we use it for marathon games of hangman, or that dots game.
But then one of the execs raised an eyebrow over it, how it didn't give a very hardworking, professional image. Which is certainly a valid point.

So now we need games that don't look like games.

I thinking this ....

.... + this ........

could be used to play this.


Any other suggestions?

You Know Why Kids Like Me?

Kids like me because I have this obsessive compulsive NEED to buy things out of those quarter machines, and yet generally have no need for the stuff that comes out.
With the exception of watermelon gumballs (yum) and bouncy balls (Mau likes 'em).

I wonder if that counts as a gambling addiction, being addicted to the quarter machines.