My ol' buddy/'we-dated-for-like-a-minute-and-a-half-back-in-the-day' John invited me to join him at his company christmas party. Actually I think his exact words were something like, "So it's free liquor and I thought of you....." which I'm about 80% sure was a compliment.
I think it only took about five minutes in the door before it occured to John that mixing liquor, a shameless woman and people he had to face the next morning was a bit of a gamble. I think the exact moment a shade of fear passed through his eyes was when we got a drink, wandered out to the balcony of the suite and I said,
"Hmmm. See that fountain? Think I could get a penny in it from here?"
"Prolly not."
"Yeah, I didn't think so either. Lets try."
He promptly hustled me away from the edge to meet a few coworkers. Then a big exec type comes by, doing the whole 'only drawback to my bigshot career is that I have to slum it with you people once a year' small-talk and overdone laugh. As he left, he said,
"Ok, enjoy your evening, guys."
"Don't tell ME what to do, you're not MY boss."
*everyone gasps*
*no one, especially not the exec, laughs*
*except me, and nervously, John*
I asked a little boy to dance and he responded by running over, and kicking me repeatedly and vigorously in the shins.
At dinner I introduced myself to the man next to me with,
"So I'm gonna make a wild guess and say there's no chance I could sleep with you for that jacket, is there?"
"No, peaches, but perhaps my boyfriend and yours could work something out."
*boyfriend winks at John*
*John swallows hard*
Later, after we got tired of dancing, we strolled out down the long crowded balcony, slipping through little knots of people, me a few steps ahead of John.
When we got to the corner, John said,
"What on earth were you saying to people as you passed? They all stared after you, openmouthed."
"Oh, nothing really. I just agreed with everyone on my left, 'she's right, you know' that sort of thing."
"Oh. What did you agree with?"
"Not a clue. Wanna throw pennies in the fountain?"
*John shakes his head, and laughs* "Sure."
It turned into such a rousing game that everyone around us joined in. That fountain (and surrounding shrubery) made a couple bucks that night.
I think it only took about five minutes in the door before it occured to John that mixing liquor, a shameless woman and people he had to face the next morning was a bit of a gamble. I think the exact moment a shade of fear passed through his eyes was when we got a drink, wandered out to the balcony of the suite and I said,
"Hmmm. See that fountain? Think I could get a penny in it from here?"
"Prolly not."
"Yeah, I didn't think so either. Lets try."
He promptly hustled me away from the edge to meet a few coworkers. Then a big exec type comes by, doing the whole 'only drawback to my bigshot career is that I have to slum it with you people once a year' small-talk and overdone laugh. As he left, he said,
"Ok, enjoy your evening, guys."
"Don't tell ME what to do, you're not MY boss."
*everyone gasps*
*no one, especially not the exec, laughs*
*except me, and nervously, John*
I asked a little boy to dance and he responded by running over, and kicking me repeatedly and vigorously in the shins.
At dinner I introduced myself to the man next to me with,
"So I'm gonna make a wild guess and say there's no chance I could sleep with you for that jacket, is there?"
"No, peaches, but perhaps my boyfriend and yours could work something out."
*boyfriend winks at John*
*John swallows hard*
Later, after we got tired of dancing, we strolled out down the long crowded balcony, slipping through little knots of people, me a few steps ahead of John.
When we got to the corner, John said,
"What on earth were you saying to people as you passed? They all stared after you, openmouthed."
"Oh, nothing really. I just agreed with everyone on my left, 'she's right, you know' that sort of thing."
"Oh. What did you agree with?"
"Not a clue. Wanna throw pennies in the fountain?"
*John shakes his head, and laughs* "Sure."
It turned into such a rousing game that everyone around us joined in. That fountain (and surrounding shrubery) made a couple bucks that night.
3 Comments:
I love you.
I have agreed with random people before with varying results.
Me - I couldn't agree more. Unless you're talking about piñatas in which case I couldn't agree less.
2 Strangers - Okay... (give each other uncertain looks) We're, uh... (confused look) We're not talking about piñatas...
Me - Then I couldn't agree more.
Me - Oh, I'd believe you.
Little Old Lady, interrupting Little Old Man and leaning over him to say - Don't believe him dearie, he's got falsies and pretends they're real.
Me - I agree with (points to three guys over) him.
3rd guy over - (smiles and nods)
2nd guy over - What the... she's not even a guy!
Me - (scoff) Like that matters. (walks away)
Me - She's right.
Guy - NO SHE'S NOT! I MEANT THAT-- wait, who are you?
It's more fun when the people are speaking a different language. "That's totally what I was gonna say."
i would have laughed at the boss joke.
in fact, i did.
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