2005

I can't say it's been an easy year.

For the past couple years, each year was better than the last. In those years I learned that life doesn't always go from bad to worse, sometimes you DO find what you need, that friends are a beautiful thing, that some families have so much love that it can spill out on a throwaway girl with none of her own.

The last couple of years have been the first and only years in which I've thrived, not just survived. Granted, the bar was set pretty low by my life until then.

This year took a bit of a dip over all. I had to process a lot, a breakup, a new relationship, my parents divorce and remarriage, amoung other things. Not saying they weren't for the best (and I count that new relationship as one of the great things in my life), but I find myself at the end of the year really tired. And the times when you most need to take better care of yourself are the times when you have the least resources.
It's been a test of my strength, a test of my perseverance, a test of my determination to life a full and healthy life.

So if 2004 was the year I learned that life can be great, then 2005 was the year I learned that I can handle it when it's not all that great.
This was the year I learned that the waves may come, but my rudder is good and I know these waters better than anyone.

I'm ok with letting this year go.

And I will take 2006, it's happiness and it's hard lessons, in whatever measure they come.

Happiness is .........

................. having a dream where you and all your cousins sat around on a lazy afternoon, ending up in a huge hammock, like puppies in a pile. Bekah was telling me about some really precious mementos she had, Caleb was finishing her sentences for her and the word "retardo" was used like twice.

I miss all the afternoons like this that we never had.

Another Actual Conversation

Employee of the Year - "Wow, this place is a morgue today. Nobody's here."

Receptionist - "Yeah. Lets start drinking."

Employee of the Year - "Er......... I already did. Sorry."

My New Year's Resolutions

I resolve not to hold grudges.

So I resolve to kiss more.

I resolve to dance in my underwear more. And to call it exercise.

I resolve to know more of my neighbors by name, and not just by the nicknames I give them based on their (sometimes very strange) behavior.

I resolve to throw more parties, on thinner excuses, like finding a lost sock or it being Sunday afternoon and I kinda like Sunday afternoons.

I resolve to stop letting people pressure me into assigning a commanly known label to my faith. "So you're what? Christian? Jew? Baptist? Why do you go to Mass on Christmas?"
My faith is simple, and I've never met anyone that didn't understand it once I explained it, but most feel compelled to then catagorize it.
"So you're what? Christian? Jew? ect..............."
Yes.
I'd like to stop defining myself by who's doctrine I've choosen to wrap myself in. Because many of them believe what I believe, they just believe so much more on top of it.
Instead of what I've seen so much of, people with so many beliefs that they don't have enough sincerity to cover them all, I'd like to stick to the few things I know to be true and let it grow from that, instead of rammed down my throat by someone so concerned with little, legalistic stuff.
One day I might even find that I now neatly fit into one of those faiths. But the difference in the way you learn it makes a difference in the way you teach it, and I think that difference is important.

I resolve to drink more coffee and tea. Not more in the mornings at work, but in my leisure time with friends, to take more moments to slow down and drink in.

I resolve not to put off anything until I lose weight. A healthy body and mind won't come from deprivation.

I resolve to listen to more music sung in different languages.

I resolve to see my doctor more often, and not let small nagging pains become large ones. Once there, I resolve to be her fussiest patient, getting the most out of our time. I think she'll like me for it, and I like her for THAT.

I resolve to stop apoligizing for what I need, and to be more in touch with what my needs are.

I resolve not to be angry at people for not meeting needs that I haven't expressed.

I resolve to stop feeling guilty for having a cluttered car. Lots of truly lovely people have messy cars. Lots of unhappy people feel pressure and guilt.

I resolve to drink more peppermint tea.

I resolve that 50% of the time when a friend invites me out, and I'm tired, to go anyway.

I resolve that 90% of the time when someone offers me a new volunteer opportunity, to say no, and to just maybe give a little extra effort to the ones I'm involved in.

I resolve to listen less, and to be less of a people pleaser.

I resolve to talk more, and with more truth. To strangers, to friends, to myself in the mirror.

I resolve to plant more flowers, in unexpected places.

I resolve to pick wild chamomile when I find it, and to go more places that I'm likely to find it.

I resolve to comment more.

I resolve to compliment more.

I resolve to be more informed, but with fewer opinions.

I resolve to clutter my desk with more photos, and fewer deli menus.

I resolve to overpay children at lemonade stands.

I resolve to make eye contact with anyone that waits on me in a resturant, or rings up my purchases.

I resolve to forgive myself more easily.

I resolve to remember that forgiving someone doesn't mean not telling them when they're out of line.

I resolve to mark up my books with my own thoughts.

I resolve to do whatever necessary to keep from getting angry at other drivers on my daily commute. If sanity means a new cd each week, so be it.

I resolve to find a use for most of the relationship books people have given me. I'm inherently nondestructive, but the advice contained in most of them ranges between dangerous and pointless, and no good will come of passing them along. I will use them for lighting fires, scratch paper, sketches, paintings, pressing flowers, you know, the kind of things that are actually useful.

I resolve to put no price on sanity, friendship and love. If this means my finances never become "tidy" or "in order" so be it.

I resolve to remember to have no emotional connection to my money, be it coming or going.

I resolve to play music louder when I'm alone.

I resolve to roll my car windows down more.

I resolve to take more pictures, and to worry about the quality of the camera or the shot less.

I resolve to not buy an uncomfortable pair of shoes all year.

I resolve to call one friend before putting in a video, and if I never get around the video, no loss.

I resolve to remember that while it's always possible to live cheaper, work harder and be busier, there is no guarantee that this will make me richer, more sucessful or more important. And this is rarely the point anyway.

My New Year's Resolutions

Ok, first of all, they totally stole one of mine. But that's ok, because another of my resolutions is not to hold over any old grudges into this year, and that one was THEIR suggestion.
And its really good idea (that I had first, I'm just saying). I have this incredibly sexy man around, it would be a sin and a shame to waste that.
So I resolve to kiss David more.

I resolve to dance in my underwear more. And to call it exercise.

I resolve to know more of my neighbors by name, and not just by the nicknames I give them based on their (sometimes very strange) behavior.

I resolve to throw more parties, on thinner excuses, like finding a lost sock or it being Sunday afternoon and I kinda like Sunday afternoons.

I resolve to stop letting people pressure me into assigning a commanly known label to my faith. "So you're what? Christian? Jew? Baptist? Why do you go to Mass on Christmas?"
My faith is simple, and I've never met anyone that didn't understand it once I explained it, but most feel compelled to then catagorize it.
"So you're what? Christian? Jew? ect..............."
Yes.
I'd like to stop defining myself by who's doctrine I've choosen to wrap myself in. Because many of them believe what I believe, they just believe so much more on top of it.
Instead of what I've seen so much of, people with so many beliefs that they don't have enough sincerity to cover them all, I'd like to stick to the few things I know to be true and let it grow from that, instead of rammed down my throat by someone so concerned with little, legalistic stuff.
One day I might even find that I now neatly fit into one of those faiths. But the difference in the way you learn it makes a difference in the way you teach it, and I think that difference is important.

I resolve to drink more coffee and tea. Not more in the mornings at work, but in my leisure time with friends, to take more moments to slow down and drink in.

I resolve not to put off anything until I lose weight. A healthy body and mind won't come from deprivation.

I resolve to listen to more music sung in different languages.

I resolve to see my doctor more often, and not let small nagging pains become large ones. Once there, I resolve to be her fussiest patient, getting the most out of our time. I think she'll like me for it, and I like her for THAT.

I resolve to stop apoligizing for what I need, and to be more in touch with what my needs are.

I resolve not to be angry at people for not meeting needs that I haven't expressed.

I resolve to stop feeling guilty for having a cluttered car. Lots of truly lovely people have messy cars. Lots of unhappy people feel pressure and guilt.

I resolve to drink more peppermint tea.

I resolve that 50% of the time when a friend invites me out, and I'm tired, to go anyway.

I resolve that 90% of the time when someone offers me a new volunteer opportunity, to say no, and to just maybe give a little extra effort to the ones I'm involved in.

I resolve to listen less, and to be less of a people pleaser.

I resolve to talk more, and with more truth. To strangers, to friends, to myself in the mirror.

I resolve to plant more flowers, in unexpected places.

I resolve to pick wild chamomile when I find it, and to go more places that I'm likely to find it.

I resolve to comment more.

I resolve to compliment more.

I resolve to be more informed, but with fewer opinions.

I resolve to clutter my desk with more photos, and fewer deli menus.

I resolve to overpay children at lemonade stands.

I resolve to make eye contact with anyone that waits on me in a resturant, or rings up my purchases.

I resolve to forgive myself more easily.

I resolve to remember that forgiving someone doesn't mean not telling them when they're out of line.

I resolve to mark up my books with my own thoughts.

I resolve to do whatever necessary to keep from getting angry at other drivers on my daily commute. If sanity means a new cd each week, so be it.

I resolve to find a use for most of the relationship books people have given me. I'm inherently nondestructive, but the advice contained in most of them ranges between dangerous and pointless, and no good will come of passing them along. I will use them for lighting fires, scratch paper, sketches, paintings, pressing flowers, you know, the kind of things that are actually useful.

I resolve to put no price on sanity, friendship and love. If this means my finances never become "tidy" or "in order" so be it.

I resolve to remember to have no emotional connection to my money, be it coming or going.

I resolve to play music louder when I'm alone.

I resolve to roll my car windows down more.

I resolve to take more pictures, and to worry about the quality of the camera or the shot less.

I resolve to not buy an uncomfortable pair of shoes all year.

I resolve to call one friend before putting in a video, and if I never get around the video, no loss.

I resolve to remember that while it's always possible to live cheaper, work harder and be busier, there is no guarantee that this will make me richer, more sucessful or more important. And this is rarely the point anyway.

My New Years Resolutions

I resolve not to hold grudges.

I resolve to kiss more.

I resolve to dance in my underwear more. And to call it exercise.

I resolve to know more of my neighbors by name, and not just by the nicknames I give them based on their (sometimes very strange) behavior.

I resolve to throw more parties, on thinner excuses, like finding a lost sock or it being Sunday afternoon and I kinda like Sunday afternoons.

I resolve to stop letting people pressure me into assigning a commanly known label to my faith. "So you're what? Christian? Jew? Baptist? Why do you go to Mass on Christmas?"
My faith is simple, and I've never met anyone that didn't understand it once I explained it, but most feel compelled to then catagorize it.
"So you're what? Christian? Jew? ect..............."
Yes.
I'd like to stop defining myself by who's doctrine I've choosen to wrap myself in. Because many of them believe what I believe, they just believe so much more on top of it.
Instead of what I've seen so much of, people with so many beliefs that they don't have enough sincerity to cover them all, I'd like to stick to the few things I know to be true and let it grow from that, instead of rammed down my throat by someone so concerned with little, legalistic stuff.
One day I might even find that I now neatly fit into one of those faiths. But the difference in the way you learn it makes a difference in the way you teach it, and I think that difference is important.

I resolve to drink more coffee and tea. Not more in the mornings at work, but in my leisure time with friends, to take more moments to slow down and drink in.

I resolve not to put off anything until I lose weight. A healthy body and mind won't come from deprivation.

I resolve to listen to more music sung in different languages.

I resolve to see my doctor more often, and not let small nagging pains become large ones. Once there, I resolve to be her fussiest patient, getting the most out of our time. I think she'll like me for it, and I like her for THAT.

I resolve to stop apoligizing for what I need, and to be more in touch with what my needs are.

I resolve not to be angry at people for not meeting needs that I haven't expressed.

I resolve to stop feeling guilty for having a cluttered car. Lots of truly lovely people have messy cars. Lots of unhappy people feel pressure and guilt.

I resolve to drink more peppermint tea.

I resolve that 50% of the time when a friend invites me out, and I'm tired, to go anyway.

I resolve that 90% of the time when someone offers me a new volunteer opportunity, to say no, and to just maybe give a little extra effort to the ones I'm involved in.

I resolve to listen less, and to be less of a people pleaser.

I resolve to talk more, and with more truth. To strangers, to friends, to myself in the mirror.

I resolve to plant more flowers, in unexpected places.

I resolve to pick wild chamomile when I find it, and to go more places that I'm likely to find it.

I resolve to comment more.

I resolve to compliment more.

I resolve to be more informed, but with fewer opinions.

I resolve to clutter my desk with more photos, and fewer deli menus.

I resolve to overpay children at lemonade stands.

I resolve to make eye contact with anyone that waits on me in a resturant, or rings up my purchases.

I resolve to forgive myself more easily.

I resolve to remember that forgiving someone doesn't mean not telling them when they're out of line.

I resolve to mark up my books with my own thoughts.

I resolve to do whatever necessary to keep from getting angry at other drivers on my daily commute. If sanity means a new cd each week, so be it.

I resolve to find a use for most of the relationship books people have given me. I'm inherently nondestructive, but the advice contained in most of them ranges between dangerous and pointless, and no good will come of passing them along. I will use them for lighting fires, scratch paper, sketches, paintings, pressing flowers, you know, the kind of things that are actually useful.

I resolve to put no price on sanity, friendship and love. If this means my finances never become "tidy" or "in order" so be it.

I resolve to remember to have no emotional connection to my money, be it coming or going.

I resolve to play music louder when I'm alone.

I resolve to roll my car windows down more.

I resolve to take more pictures, and to worry about the quality of the camera or the shot less.

I resolve to not buy an uncomfortable pair of shoes all year.

I resolve to call one friend before putting in a video, and if I never get around the video, no loss.

I resolve to remember that while it's always possible to live cheaper, work harder and be busier, there is no guarantee that this will make me richer, more sucessful or more important. And this is rarely the point anyway.

The Young and the Restless.

The finch soap opera continues with an unplanned pregnancy.

Hazel and Maddox are the proud parents of three little baby finches.

This brings me to a grand total of 21 pets.

Coco will adopt a pair of the babies when they're big enough, and the third, well, I see a great excuse to buy a larger cage and overload it with toys.

Another Actual Conversation

Receptionist - "Wanna order from the deli?"

Coworker - "Naw, I'm going to Taco Bell. Want anything?"

Receptionist - "Sure."

Coworker - "What do you want?

Receptionist - *pulls out a $5* "About this much."

Coworker - "Of?"

Receptionist - *motions with hands* "About this much."

Coworker - "Of what?"

Receptionist - "Oh you know everything on the menu tastes exactly the same, it's just different shapes."

Coworker - "Good point. So anything?"

Receptionist - "Yeah. About this much, weight-wise." *holds out small book*

Quotes of the Day, by Guy Browning.

A woman learns to be sensible about shoes at roughly the same time as she learns to be sensible about men. For some women this never happens.

Waking up in the morning is like a little birth: sometimes it's quick and easy, and sometimes it takes many false alarms, a lot of pushing and hours of labour.

Jigsaws are like bottles of tranquillizers. They make the same sound when you shake the packet, they calm your nerves, and generally you don't finish the whole lot in one sitting unless you're very depressed.

...... Another good way of analysing what kind of religion you've picked is to see how they pick their ministers and how those ministers then treat people who aren't the same sex as they are.

Voting booths look like a cross between a urinal and a photo booth and everyone feels the urge to do something silly or obscene inside. In fact, that's normally the choice on offer.

The animal you choose to love says a lot about you as a person. People who love dogs expect boundless love in return, and generally have large, loud families. People who love cats perfer unrequited love and generally live quietly between a bookcase and a radio. Guinea pigs are great pets to introduce young people to the basics of love in that they don't last very long, need constant messing out, and have long shaggy haircuts which mean it's difficult to tell the girls from the boys.

I Forgot ...........

............ how quickly the tree out my window loses it's leaves.

It's green for like 51 weeks a year, then in one week it changes color and shrugs off all it's leaves at once, like slipping out of a coat.

And so for one week, I feel like I live in a yellow and green and brown snowglobe.

Just When I Thought I Couldn't Worship My Boss Any More.......

............. I find out he's an animal lover, and I overheard him educating someone on responsible animal care.

Evan Reminded Me To Invite The Internet.

This weekend, we're gonna paint the roof of my car with black chalkboard paint.

Email me for the location, and bring chalk.

I Never Learn.

Once again I bought my cats a new large cat toy, designed for them to amuse themselves with, particularly while I'm gone at work.

Once again, I find myself playing with it, trying to show them how fun it is, while they exchange slanty-eyed glances as if to say, "There she goes again. It's funny how something so simple amuses her for hours."

I feel as if I've given them socks and underwear.

Merry That!

Soon BakeTown and her son will be taking their live christmas tree and planting it.

Merry That!

Another Actual Conversation

Valancy Jane - "Yes, can I get a grande cider?"

Starbucks Cashier - "Ok, and your name please?"

Valancy Jane - "Ginger."

Starbucks Cashier - "And for you?"

Evan - "Tall vanilla cream, please."

Starbucks Cashier - "And your name?"

Evan - "Evan."

Valancy Jane - "Liar."

Happiness is ............

................ a birthday card from your ex-boyfriend.

I Always Thought Of It As The Three Days Of Christmas

First, my birthday.
I wandered down to the 7-11 in my white flannel pjs, the ones with red lips all over them. And my flipflops shaped like two watermelon halves.
Got some coffee.
It was nice.

Then I went over to Bunny's. My birthday is also her second oldest kid's birthday, but as I hadn't broken my arm badly the night before and spent all night having six different doctors move it around trying to set it, I think I enjoyed the day FAR MORE than he did.
Poor Trev.
I told him that since he was 15 now, he was old enough to be able to say, "FUCK" and that it would prolly make him feel better. He nodded knowingly and said, "I did. Loud enough to make even YOU proud."
He was right. I WAS proud.

Bunny served one of her world famous meals, and then we exchanged gifts. ZezZee loved the pepper spray and asked for a switchblade next year. Bunny gave me the portable easel I'd been drooling over for years, the one I could never quite justify paying so much for. It folds up to full size and folds down to being carried over your shoulder like a backpack. New paints, canvas, brushes.
I'm a happy VJ.

ZezZee, Bunny's oldest, and I spent the majority of the day making teddy bears and watching The Reduced Shakespeare Company movie, where they perform the COMPLETE works of William Shakespeare in an hour and a half. It's priceless and you all should watch it.

After dinner, with a happy full tummy, I met David at the fish store, and he bought me a WONDERFUL new habitat for my hermit crabs, and helped me set it up when we got home. My crabs have such nice digs now, I'm jealous. You would be too if you saw it.

Then David and I dropped by Lou's house, and got to see Brent, BONUS!, and I gave her one of the newly completed teddy bears.
She gave me a mini fridge (complete with light inside) with magnetic poetry words, just like my fridge, and a pirate rubber ducky. You would be terrified if I told you exactly how many hours of entertainment I've already gotten from them.
I love Lou.
Wouldn't you?

Then we headed off to Coco's with a matching teddy bear for her, where she stocked me up with GREAT tea, and the longest, featheriest, most insanely decadant earrings ever. They are now tied with the ones Cols made, as my favorite earrings.
I love Coco.
Wouldn't you?

A cup of tea and some kisses from David later, I read myself to sleep with "Never Hit A Jellyfish With A Spade," a book Dufel gave me for my birthday.
A good book, courtesy of a GREAT friend.
A cup of tea.
A quiet late night.
Merry, merry this.

Christmas Eve morning, I woke up a bit stressed. I was behind on the miles long list of things I ABSOLUTELY HAD TO do before Christmas.
But after a round of delivering meals with David, for Meals on Wheels, I had a little perspective, and lot of hugs and a that wonderful rush that comes from realizing how great I was gonna sound when I blogged about this, which I really only did because I love senior citizens and wanted some grandma type attention.
It was really just for me.

After that, David actually joined me on one of the strangest little traditions I do.
I buy presents for all my pets.
To put in their stockings.
He only laughed at me a little.
Which makes him the loveliest man I've ever known.

A late lunch of very spicy chicken wings, and then I headed back to attempt to put my messy apartment in some semblance of order. Later, David ran to pick up all the things I'd forgotten to get from the grocery store for me, and we had a great little evening in, waiting up for Midnight Mass.
Which was as beatiful as every year I've gone alone, and as beautiful as having someone that means the world to you next to you, both at once.

Christmas morning, my beloved brother came over for french toast and tea and hugs. What do girls without a big brother DO?

Then David took me up to meet part of his family in north county, and then another part in the south county. Admittedly, after the first huge get-together I was a little tired. It's exhausting to be around a dozen aunts who David admitted were going to call David's mother after I left, and talk about me.
I AM lovely, but generally in an aqquired taste sort of way.
So when we got to his uncle's house, it was actually kind of nice that we were late and that the only seats available where the two in the breakfast nook in the kitchen, so David and I got to eat someone else's food, drink their wine and admire their view of the sunset, all while enjoying candlelight, music and a moment of peace and quiet.

We made a stop at David's friend Stu's house, and toasted ourselves around a bonfire and looked at stars and played with his dog, and talked music with his girlfriend's daughters.

And now I'm at Davids.
We're gonna go to my place, light candles and drink tea.

I could not ask for more.

Merry this.

Merry That

Today Col will be watching the dogs open their own presents, and hiding from the evangelists that come around to talk to them every year. (Ever thought of telling the dogs that this year their present is inside the evangelists' pants?)

Merry That, Col!



Today Pete will go to his local pub and I dearly wish I could join him and stumble home afterwards, laughing and embarrassing ourselves.

*raises glass of beer* Merry That, Petey!



Tonight Miss Kendra and I will both be lighting a candle on the menorah at sundown, to celebrate the first night of Chanukkah.

*lights candle*
Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam, shehecheyanu v'kiyimanu v'higi'anu laz'man hazeh. (Amein)

Merry That, Miss Kendra!

Merry That!

Col will be playing Bongo! at her in-laws.

Merry That, Col!

Merry That !

'Rez is going to her parents, to watch her father make baklava and to stock their liquor cabinet.

Merry That, 'Rezziekins.


Col is celebrating the beginning of a week off, to spend with her husband.

Merry That, Col.


Today is my 25th birthday.

Merry This.

Confessions Of A Former Telemarketer

Yes. I used to be a telemarketer.
Please, before you burn me at the stake, let me help you.

Ok, repeat after me, "Please place me on your Do Not Call List."

I did not say, "Please take me off your list."
That's different.

The former requires them LEGALLY to stop calling. Within two months. So for two months they can call you, but after that, they HAVE to stop.
If they call you after that, take down their name, they're legally required to use their real one (if the call center is within the US). Ask for the number of the call center they are working at, not the number of the product headquarters.

You will often see advertised on TV a product called a "TeleZapper." This is a double rip off and here's why. All that machine does is recognize a computer generated call. (Call centers frequently use a program that calls numbers in it's database, and transfers to a telemarketer when it hears a voice respond. This is why you often have to say hello twice before you get a resonse when it's a telemarketer.) When the TeleZapper recognizes a computer generated call, it asks you to identify yourself, like a collect call. I would simply say my name, and every single time the person would be so curious, they'd pick up. EVERY SINGLE TIME. All the machine does is ask telemarketers to hang up.
The other thing is that ordering a product off the tv is the single best way to get your name sold to every telemarketing company in the country. They know you have disposable income, they know you have no fear of ordering over the phone, they know your name, phone number, address and YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER. (Although the telemarketer can only see the last four digits, to verify, the rest is encrypted in a computer.) The biggest business we'd do was call people who'd ordered something "to see how they liked it," and then sell them additional stuff. "Like it? Buy the bonus package. Don't like it? You need to bonus package to really appreciate it."

Lastly, there is almost nothing you can say that can make them stop trying to sell the product. Don't take it personal. It's what they're trained to do, and the truth is, as long as they have you on the line, they ARE winning. Their supervisor might be listening, and they have to sell until they hear a dial tone. Don't wait for a convient pause, don't wait for them to say goodbye. They won't give you one. Or at least a good one won't.

This is what you say, feel free to talk over them, you're saving your time as well as theirs, "No thank you, please put me on your do not call list and have a nice day."
Then hang up.

Another Actual Phone Conversation

David - "So, where are you?"

VJ - "The grocery store, where all good women should be."

David - *laughs*

Three Women on the Same Aisle - *GASP*

VJ - "I shouldn't say that in an organic whole foods market, should I? I think that woman just swallowed her tofu coupon out of indignation."

Things I Might Do Tomorrow

Ok, so tomorrow is my birthday. I was going to head up to my Tiny Gramies, but she has a party for her seniors group, so I rescheduled my visit to Monday.

Bunny is doing Christmas Day with her kids tomorrow, because on the 25th, she's taking the kids to their grandparents.

So I have Christmas breakfast with Bunny and her kids.

After that, the day stretches before me.
It's my birthday.
I can do anything I please.

ANYTHING.

I might go to a costume shop and try stuff on. I might rent a pair of wings and a sari and wear them the rest of the day.

I might stay at Bunny's and drink tea and sit in the sun on the porch and have a nice long chat with Bunny.

I might go browse a few used book stores.

I might go play with the cockatiels at the pet shop.

I might go home and make tacky craft projects.

I might go blow bubbles in the park.

I might go home and soak in the tub for a few hours, with a couple good magazines and a glass of wine.

I might clean my whole apartment, then sit and bask in the glow. (Yes, that is fun for me. Shut up.)

I might plant more bulbs in my windowbox.

I might watch George of the Jungle and then decide that I can't live without the song Dela (I know why the dog howls at the moon) by Johny Clegg & Savuka and go buy the cd. Or I might decide that I don't want to chance the crowds shopping and just rewind and replay the scene where it plays, over and over. This is, sadly, much more likely.

I might drive up into the moutains to Julian and buy myself a slice of fresh pie from the apple growers up there.

I might dance around my apartment in my underwear.

I might walk down to Main Street and buy myself an ice cream shake and browse the shops. 'Especially that one that sells belly dance stuff.

I might drive to Mexico and wander the open air markets and buy a small, brightly painted ceramic animal.

I might do all of these things.
Or none.

A whole day to myself.
*hugs arms to self and twirls*

Merry This.

Pleasantly Surprised

It's no secret that my relationship with my parents is strained, and there is very little contact.

Last night I got home, and had mail waiting from both of them.

My mother finally took me at my word and made a donation to charity in my name.

My father gave me, amoung a few other things, a large butterfly kite and a stocking for Maximus.

Of course a few gifts don't erase a lifetime of hurt, but I do see and appreciate a thoughtful and kind gesture when I see one.

Maybe its a step in the right direction. And if it's not, some people in a poor country will eat a full meal and I'll go fly a kite. Either way, it's nice.

Another Actual Conversation

Guy at the Liquor Store - "Ok, here's your jumbo sized bottle of Disaronno. Wait, what's with the Heinekin keg can? You turnin' into a beer drinker?"

Valancy Jane - "No, its for my boyfriend. I'm taking it by his work."

Guy atLS - "Why?"

Valancy Jane - "He's had a killer day and has to work late. Isn't this what good girlfriends do?"

Guy atLS - *blank look*

Valancy Jane - "Well, I guess YOURS don't."

Update On The Possible Identity of "Maria"

The previous tenant of my apartment was named Maria. She was crazy. She was forcibly removed from the apartment by the police, after they knocked down the door.

Perhaps she's back.

I'm scared.

Another Actual IM Conversation

Valancy Jane says:
This cracks me up. http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/jon_stewart.html

Cols says:
i (heart) jon
i bought his book for glenn last christmas...
he has a 'third party cemetary' in it...

Valancy Jane says:
*giggle*

Ike says:
'killed them and took their land'
lolol

Valancy Jane says:
"There is no conceivable amount of money worth telling the world you were beaten up by Liza Minelli."

Cols says:
'I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days. '

Ike says:
lolol
it's not true, btw
we'd kick ASS

Valancy Jane says:
Of course not. It would take more than two days to fly from one end to another.
And they have that army of penguins.

Cols says:
gay penguins...
...but it's a 'don't ask, don't tell' situation

Valancy Jane says:
Ikey, remember when you told that cashier at Best Buy that in Canada, everyone has a penguin to fetch and carry stuff for them, and she BELIEVED you?

Thérèse says:
I think the best possible time to come in on a conversation is on "and they have that army of penguins."

Happiness is ...........

............. when your boss gives you two raises in one year, and then practically a year's supply of cappuccino mix for christmas.

Merry Christmas Maria!

Thanks for the card tucked into my apartment doorframe, to me, hand delivered, wishing me a merry christmas. It was so sweet of you, Maria.

Incidently, Maria?




Who are you and how do you know my name and where I live?

Creepy.

Cols sent me this link, which I found amusing. "For all my mannequin needs........"

The site itself is funny and more than a little bit terrifying.

If this doesn't scare you, this will. At the same time, I have this strange urge to couple them up. She's got an ass on her, I bet he could appreciate.

This is just so wrong on so many levels.

And this .................... "We always have a selection of used heads. $20 +$5 shipping, inquire for selection."

Merry That!

Tonight is my Gramie Dude's annual Winter Solstice party.
Patrick and his friends will play bluegrass, and the most interesting people in the world will be packed into her house.

Can you tell I wish I were there?

Merry That, Grams!

Another Actual Conversation

Owner with a Sense of Humor - "What's with the landscape guy?"

Receptionist - "I don't know. He appears to be very carefully mowing the concrete."

Owner waSoH - "Huh."

Receptionist - "Makes sense, really, 'cause yesterday he very carefully watered it."

Fun With Google Images, with 'Mookie and VJ.

If you google image search my real name, you get a stripper with nipple tassles.

If you google image search Chamook, you get a lot of husky dogs.

If you google image search 'Mook's real name, you get his obit. 'Cept he's not dead.

My brother is a civil war hero, and a picture of my father leads to a download of him singing 'Rocky Mountain Way'.

But the best is this one, if you google image search my mother's name, you get this.

Merry That

'Mook says his favorite part of christmas are the little glass bowls of nuts set out.

Merry that, 'Mooks.

You Know What's Fun?

It's fun to fill the memory card on the display camera at Circuit City with pictures of people's crotches.

I-80

Last night I put one of my Chayanne cds in on my home from work.

I bought that cd right before I left Minnesota and listened to it quite a bit on the drive from there to San Diego.

It's one of those cds that to me is like a time capsule, that when I hear it, I can instantly remember a time.

I remember the orange and green scarf I tied around my hair, and the big Jackie-O sunglasses I wore. I remember not being able to see out my rearview mirror, because everything I owned was in the backseat.

I remember stopping for chicken strips and feeding little bits to Maximus, who was a four month old little ball of fluff. He was such a little trooper. For the first hour he mewed and cried a bit, and I was so scared and unsure myself that it made me cry and when he saw me cry, he crawled right up in my lap and calmed down and purred, looking up at me from time to time, as if to make sure that he was making me feel better. For the rest of the trip, he was fearless, and seemed to really enjoy it.

I remember the feel of the slightly threadbare seats in my old grey honda, and the ridges on the back of the steering wheel. I remember being heartsick and scared, alone and lonely, and feeling as lost in my own life as I would have been on those flat prarie plains if not for the I-80 leading on and on and on, straight west. I remember wondering if my parents cared enough to help. Experience said they might be good for some money, but not anything that really mattered or that I really needed. Money would buy me some time to think, and if I could just go home to San Diego, and have time to think, maybe it would be ok. And so I was heading to San Francisco, where they lived, with just enough money to get there.
Lack of options is the ultimate adventure.

I stopped that night, some small town in Nebraska, because I was crying and it was hard to see the road. I pulled into a hotel that had mostly big-rigs and a few RVs in the parking lot. I was pleasantly surprised that they allowed pets, so I didn't have to smuggle Maximus in. I took a hot shower, washing my hair with hand soap because the hotel didn't provide any, mine would have taken an hour of unpacking the backseat, and the towns only drugstore was closed. Mau and I watched the town's only channel, some Lifetime Channel-esque thing about a woman murdered by her husband. I tried to get my money's worth out of stopping for the night, by getting some sleep, but my sucess there was minimal.

I started my old car the usual way, by wrapping a bobby pin in chewing gum foil and wedging it in the battery terminal before reattaching the wires and turning the key.

I remember trying to face the day a bit more bravely, but by Wyoming, I was crying again. Finally I thought it might be time to tell God that now would be a great time for Him to do something. Anything.

"I don't know where I'm going. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Some direction, please."

And the answer came, and if you've never really listened for Him, I don't know that I can explain the way the answer comes, but you know it.

"Sheesh, you think I got you as far as Wyoming and I'm gonna drop you now?"




When I got to San Francisco, I didn't ask my parents for anything. My dad handed me $100 as I left and I didn't refuse it. It was enough for gas to San Diego. I didn't really know what I would do when I got there, but I felt ok.

And it was hard, but a few old friends helped me out, and a few new ones too.

And so many times when I've prayed, "I don't know where I'm going. I don't know how much longer I can do this. Some direction, please" I've gotten the same answer.

"Sheesh, I got you this far, and you think I'm gonna drop you now?"

Another Actual IM Conversation

Thérèse says:
So.
SO.
So?
So!

Jonny says:
No.

Thérèse says:
Soooo.
So-so.

Jonny says:
You reap what you sow.

Thérèse says:
Even more if you know how to sew.
Lo
Foe
Bow

VJ says:
Moe

Thérèse says:
Crow

Jonny says:
Woe

Cols says:
crochet*

Thérèse says:
Doe

Jonny says:
though
row
hoe
toe
snow
low
throw

VJ says:
Wait, did you just call me a Ho?

Thérèse says:
although
No.
Woah
Stow

Jonny says:
Did you just call me a west coast rapper?

Thérèse says:
yes.
Wait, did you just call me fat?

Jonny says:
No. Did you just call me Squirrel Boy?

Thérèse says:
No, that was Cols. She did it twice.

Abstract Portraits By Lou

The Countdown Banner No Longer Seems Like A Dire Warning.

I'm DONE, people. I've bought ALL my holiday gifts.

Special thanks to a few stores where the salespeople were particularly helpful -

TinderBox
New York CO
Borders

You'd Have A Sly Little Grin Too ...........

.................. if you'd managed to hoodwink Santa into thinking you've been good this year.

In Five Days, I Have To Start Lying About My Age. Again.

See, it's not that I mind getting older and watching my youth slowly sap out of my face and all, it's that I need to maintain my appeal to the masses.

Jadon, my ex/the man whore, always told me to say I was 24. "You're never too old or too young for anyone when you're 24," he'd say.

It was nice not to have to lie for a full year.

So Then Ike Said ...........

............... "I hope you get a good turnout on your stat counter for your online birthday party."

My online party was great.

This morning I bought ballons and as each person entered the window, they picked a color. I wrote notes to each person on a ballon and I'm going to let them go outside in a few moments.

To 'Rez on the light aqua one I wrote -

Dear 'Rez, It's all real, everything we just imagined. We are walruses and always together. Love, VJ

To JMsy on the beige one I wrote -

Dear JMsy, See? It's really beige. Friends have a way of having just what we need sometimes. Love, VJ

To Ikey on the dark yellow one I wrote -

Dear Ikey, Some things you can't blog. Like summer days on the beach with you. Love, VJ.

To 'Mookie on the yellow one I wrote -

Dear 'Mookie, Please come see me. Or update your blog. The world needs more 'Mook. Love, VJ

To Cols on the red one I wrote -

Dear Cols, You are as delightful as a gingersnap. Please come to every party I ever have. Love VJ

To Jonny on the orange one I wrote -

Dear Jonny, You ARE a tiger. The costume just helps people to see the truth. Love, VJ

Things That Are Making Me Happy Today

I am under - budget on my christmas shopping. No one is more surprised by this than me. This has never happened before EVER.

The fact that I accidently answered the phone, just as I was asking a coworking, "Why are you throwing candy at that nice man?"

Cols has sent me exactly 18 e-cards since this morning.

My wreath arrived.

This morning I couldn't decide what sort of breakfast I wanted so I ordered a variety of breakfast foods and have been snacking off them all day.

The bubble wrap, of course. *POP* *giggle*

It's friday. FRIDAY, people.

I got a gift for the Secret Santa exchange, that the VP's assistant said he'll LOVE.

I finish my christmas shopping tonight and then I'll have a pile of things to WRAP.

Another Actual Conversation

Owner with a Sense of Humor - "Hi, [Valancy Jane]."

Receptionist - *very happy* "Look! One of our suppliers brought me this huge roll of bubble wrap, the kind with the BIG bubbles. I'm so happy."

Owner WASOH - *shakes head*

Receptionist - "For the rest of the day, you're gonna hear - *POP* *giggle* *POP* *giggle* *POP* *giggle*

Owner WASOH - "You're such a little girl."

Say A Quick Prayer .....

............ for BakeTown and her son, he's getting a cornea transplant today.

Happiness Is ............

.............. getting a Chanukkah card from Cols.

Did you know that no one has EVER sent me a Chanukkah card before? I've gotten loads of Christmas cards, and loved every one, but no one has ever acknowledged Chanukkah to me. It was silly, but I teared up.

Merry This.

Today ..........

........... I bought this. It reminds me of the time I lived in Albuquerque, and the ballon festival there every year.

I made this. It's exactly how the company christmas party went down.

I decided I wanna make these.

And incidently, this is great stuff.

IAS - Inflatable Assasination Squad

You know these things?
The things the stores are doing such good business on?

They scare me. They are evil and undead and no one seems to be properly concerned about how they appear to be taking over the world, one lawn at a time. They are a rash growing across our neighborhoods, zits that must be popped.

And I'm the girl to do it, with the help of ZezZee and her army of little brothers, and my trusty ninja sidekick, David.

Here's what we've got so far.

• Throwing stars
• Ninjas designed as carolers
• Giving a BB gun to the crazy neighborhood kid
• Gift wrapped grenades
• Stapling them to the ground
• Dressing as inflatables and doing some undercover work to learn their evil/undead plans.
• Training rabid feral cats to deflate them for tuna
• And my personal favorite, switching the inflation tanks for tanks of helium and 'setting them free.' Skeet rifle optional.

So Then I Said ...........

........... "I think I might be coming down with that flu everyone's got, so I'm gonna go home and drink tons of orange juice and take a couple herbal supplements and go to bed early, and I have something in my eye, so don't read anything into all those winks I gave when I said 'herbal supplements,' ok?

She Must Have Really Scared Them In There.

This afternoon, in the large conference room right off the lobbly, a meeting was held with all the executives. It was a class on sexual harrassment.

One by one as they left the meeting today, they looked at me, smiled in their usual friendly ways and opened their mouths to speak.

Each one paused, reconsidered and walked on.

Happiness is .......

........... the girl in shipping tells you that the cheesecake you'd totally forgotten you'd ordered from a fundraiser for her son's school, is waiting for you in the downstair's breakroom fridge.

This is why I love ordering things. Because I promptly forget I've ordered them so it's like getting surprise presents in the mail.

I Hate Malls.

Did I ever mention that? How much I hate malls, as in with the power of a thousand fiery suns at noon in the summer?

I worked in malls most of my working years.
One mall in particular.
Parkway Plaza.
I know it intimately.
And hate it intimately.

Now, there are a few things that can help me raise above my hate and enjoy my time in that mall.
Good company, thats one.
A movie, sitting in the dark, forgetting where I am, that often works.
The possibility of taking home something that I can WRAP, that will make me grit my teeth and bear it.
Liquor, that's one that can (and occasionally HAS) take the edge off.

Oh, hush. It's PARKWAY PLAZA. I'm not the only one with a few belts in my tummy. The mallrats? The cell phone kiosk guys? The owner of the shoe place that sleeps in the back room? Just ask the guys at the liquor store across the street. And why do you think Things Remembered and The TinderBox do such good business on flasks?

It's a rather ghetto mall, if you haven't figured that out. It's Rome of the bus world.
If you don't have -
-a job
-a life
-self respect
-the inclination to aquire any of the above-
then you spend your days at Parkway Plaza.

Once as I was entering the mall, right in front of the door was a young mother and a little boy. The little boy had sat down right in front of the door and was pitching a crying fit. He sobbed, heartbroken, unconsolably, tears running down his fat little cheeks as he looked imploringly up at his mother.
I looked down at him and said, "I know just how you feel."
He quieted and nodded solemly.

I hate malls.

This year, I'm going to try to get all my christmas shopping done without setting foot in a mall.
Wish me luck.

Another Actual IM Conversation

Valancy Jane says:
I skipped kindergarten.
That's why I never learned to share.

Jonny says:
VJ, don't take this the wrong way, but I think your whole life is basically one big kindergarten.

Happiness Is .........

........... A hot shower. Sometimes it's really just that simple.

Merry That - St Lucia's Day In Sweden

For my one Swedish reader*, Happy St. Lucia's Day!

I don't know you, so I'm just gonna have to guess you're gonna wear a wreath with candles or dress as a Star Boy, eat a Lussekatter and think of the light slowly winning out over darkness.

Merry That!




*according to my hit counter.

Happiness is ..........

............. Finding a ziplock bag in your snack drawer with packets labeled "Add to hot water."

That's all.

I did.

Turned out to be hot coco.

If that isn't a lovely surprise, I don't know what is.

So Then I Said ..........

.......... "This ole internet thingy, it's been so good to me."

So far my haul of presents from you lovely internet people has exceeded my wildest expectations. Add to the list is MY NEW FAVORITE EARRINGS, HAND MADE by Cols.

Sorry for the caps, I just love them THAT MUCH.

Some Of My Favorite Nicknames.

'Mookie calls me Petal.
One of the salesguys calls me Peaches.
And my ole buddy/ex boyfriend John calls me My Sweet.

So Then I Said ..........

........... "No wonder she's a fuckin' saint."

I'd been perusing my advent calender, one that tells the story of the birth of Jesus. I kinda got hung up, as I often do, on the story from Mary's perspective.

So she's what? 14? I heard that, that if she was engaged to be married in that day and age, she was prolly about 14.
Now, because I work with kids that age, I KNOW 14 year old girls. You live in 72 hours. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. Therefore it's easy to destroy your world, and rumors are the fastest way to do it.

So she's engaged. She's prolly happy about it, Joseph comes off as a decent guy. But that's a lot of change headed her way.
Then an angel appears and rocks her world, her life as she knew it, her life as she expected it to be and even her knowledge of science. Luke 1:26-38 describes her as progressing from 'greatly troubled' to an acceptance that in modern english would prolly have been, "Er. Ok, then."

Mind you, the angel appears to Mary and Joseph. Thats it. The angel doesn't hold a press conference, doesn't have a publicist issue a statement asking everyone to "respect the couple's privacy at this time." The angel doesn't even include Mary's parents on the good news.

So now Mary has to go and explain this to everyone. Can't we just imagine how that news was recieved? Her mother cries, asked how this happened, cancels the wine order for the wedding. Her father keeps pressing her to tell him who did this to her, so he can have him stoned. Her friends cock an eyebrow and prolly keep their suspicious to themselves, at least until she's out of the room. They prolly advise her to come up with a better story and fast. That one bitchy girl that's in every girl's extended social circle makes no secret of the fact that she 'suspected it all along.' Aunts sigh deeply, uncles wag their heads. Neighbors get 'really busy' when she passes by.
At first her engagement/future is up in the air, but when Joseph says he still intends to marry her, it prolly just sets off a fresh round of gossip.

I always wondered if that's why she went to her cousin Elizabeth's house. Elizabeth, who was no stranger to controversy and was in seclusion over her own pregnancy, must have been a welcome ally. Elizabeth greets her in a way that lets Mary know she knows the truth and seems to set her at ease, as she sings out that God does amazing things and that she's honored that's He's choosen her to work through.

After three months she leaves her cousin's house and returns home.

For roughly the next six months she lives amoung the family and neighbors that were perhaps not so supportive. Sixth months in a small town, with swollen ankles and a promise from Joseph that he'll marry her. He hasn't yet, for whatever reason.

Then a long ride on a donkey. Hugely pregnant. Worried about getting there. Worried about what to do when they get there. Worried about the delivery.

So Joseph, it sounds like he really tries, can only find a barn for them to stay in.

Mary's maybe 15 years old by now. Far from home. In a barn. No mother, no older sisters, no Elizabeth. Giving birth to her first child. With Joseph, who's experience in childbirth is what, exactly? Watching the family cow give birth when he was 8 or something?

So she's prolly exhausted from labor with no drugs, and she snuggles her son down into the manger, so that she can lie down. Instead she's interrupted with shepherds, who bring wonder and awe and the sense that forces have been moving from far away. Rather disquieting when you want to rest.
Fleeing for her life shortly after is only the beginning of strange events that disrupt her life, culminating in watching her son die a cruel death.

I say she was made of some pretty tough stuff.

Another Actual Conversation

Receptionist - "Ok, I've got mail her for former members of this department. Who wants to be Sandra and who wants to be Frank?"

IT Manager - "May I be Frank?" *wink*

Receptionist - "Yes. That's important. Like being Ernest."

Another Actual Conversation

David - "Oh! Musician porn!"

VJ - "Guitar Center catalog?"

David - *nods*

VJ - *nods*

Happiness Is..........

.......... When your company gives everyone the morning after the christmas party off.

With pay.

Because, Honestly, What's The Point Of A Blog If Not To Post Pictures Of Yourself And Your Boyfriend At The Company Christmas Party?

David and I at my company's Christmas party. Just try and convince me that we're not the cutest things ever.

'Cept maybe Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls. She is cuter.

Me and David at his company's Christmas party. I need to brush my hair more often.

I love him when he smiles.

You can't see all the details in the wrapping of that package, but lets just say I found a kindred spirit.

It was a Hummer flashlight that had no batteries, but was powered by shaking it. The guys kept asking me to 'turn it on by shaking it.' Sadly, it took a couple minutes for me to realize they were not fascinated by the flashlight so much as other things. The girl to my right wanted it, so I traded her for the aforementioned copy of the movie Office Space.

David was happy with his gift.

This is the universal look for, "Honey, my headache is worse, can we go?"

Note To Self

Never watch the movie Office Space the same day as you watch your company's christmas party video. Too many things will seem funny/ironic/sad.

Another Actual Conversation

David - "Pervert."

VJ - "Yes, but I'm YOUR pervert."

Happiness Is .......

.......... eating cheesecake and drinking espresso for breakfast, while watching Office Space.

The Internet Is On My Invitation List

I'm almost twenty five and I'm still not dead. This is cause for jubilation and coffee and music. Mostly because I think my father lost more money. Every sort of milestone birthday he complains that he lost a bet that I wouldn't live to see that year.

So the jubilation and coffee and music.

I'm inviting any of my local readers, even any lurkers that I'm unaware of, and if anyone *cough*'Rezzie*cough* wanted to fly into town and surprise me, that would be extra jubilation.

The coffee and music (amazing musican named Kev) will be at Cosmos, 8278 La Mesa Blvd, La Mesa CA 91941, please bring your own jubilation at about 7 PM.

Another Actual IM Conversation

Col says:
tell me you did not use creamer in your mashed potatos!!!

Valancy Jane says:
In my defense ...................

Col says:
lol

Valancy Jane says:
I really shouldn't be allowed to drink wine while I cook.

Hark the Harold

That's his name, Miss Kendra.
Now he's on the christmas tree tree hobb-nobbing with an elephant and a tiger.

Thank you!!!!!

Survey Says -

Got this off myspace so that's what the friend list questions refer to.

1. You have $10 and need to buy snacks at a gas station; what do you buy?:
Ah yes, the ageless debate of too-much-salt or too-much-sugar. I do try to find fruit, and I like Watermelon Ice gatorade. Sometimes they'll have some prepackaged deli sandwiches or string cheese. And who doesn't like a good slurpee?

2. If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea dwelling creature would you be?
Yes. Although this is a yes or no question, I'll assume they want to know WHICH sea dwelling creature you would chose. I'd be a seahorse. *wink at Miss Kendra*

3. Who's your favorite redhead?:
I think it's gonna be Eric and Christy's first child.

4. What do you order when you're at a pancake house?:
Waffles with strawberries on top.

5. Do you own any... naughty toys?
No. Shut up, David. It's a NECK massager. For your NECK. I wouldn't molest my beloved NECK massager in that way.

6. Have you made out with anyone on your friend's list?
*counts*
*laughs*
A lot of them, actually.

7. Describe your favorite pair of underwear:
Hmm. Well, I just bought some little boyshort ones, they make my ass look the size of Cleveland, but in a good way. I love my ass.

8. Describe the last time you were injured:
I fell and broke my tailbone last year. Twice. Within four months.

9. Of all your friends who wouldn't you want to work on a school project with?
I'd happily work with all of them, unless we were under a time crunch, 'cause we'd giggle and get distracted too much.

10. Are there any odd things that make you feel uncomfortable?:
Lava lamps. They're just not ................... right.

11. Tell me a weird story from your high school years:
Well, there was the time the school administration made a error and I got called in for a suicide intervention by mistake.

12. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
Dandylion fluff blowing in the wind.

13. Soda?
Mountain Dew. I like my liquid crack.

14. Flavor of pudding?:
Hmmm. Can I just say I like flan?

15. What type of shirt are you wearing?
Red knit, 3/4 sleeves.

16. Prescription medication?
Nope. Had a couple aspirin for my back, but that's it.

17. If you could use only one form of transportation for the rest of your life, what would it be?
One of those little motorized scooters that older or disabled people ride.

18. How many people are on your friends list?
84

19. How many people on your list do you know in real life?
All of them except the bands and just a couple people that I've exchanged emails with but never met.

20. What are you listening to right now?
A shuffled mix of all my christmas music, specifically Silent Night, done by Manhiem Steamroller. I collect versions of that song, so if you've got one you wanna email me, ROCK ON.

21. Most recent movie you watched?
*sticks out chin*
Crocodile Dundee II. Shut up.

22. Name 3 things you have on you at all times:
The ring my Tiny Gramie gave me.
My cell phone.
A book.

23. Would you rather give or receive a foot massage?
RECIEVE. I love foot massages.

24. Name a teacher you had the hots for:
*thinks*
*thinks harder*
Coming up with nothing. I dated my boss once though, does that count?

25. What is a saying that you use a lot?
"Can you hold for a moment?"

26. What's one piece of advice that you think should be passed on to every child?
Life is actually rather long.

Another Actual IM Conversation

Valancy Jane says:
Look, Van Goghs. On Sale.
http://sandiego.craigslist.org/hsh/116945759.html

Valancy Jane says:
Where on God's green earth would you find this many pink toliets? http://sandiego.craigslist.org/hsh/116936251.html

Thérèse says:
I don't know but they appear to be "going fast."

Valancy Jane says:
Well, you could accessorize with - http://sandiego.craigslist.org/hsh/116935190.html

Thérèse says:
You *could*...
but that *might* be too much pink.
I say maybe.

Valancy Jane says:
You think?

Thérèse says:
Well, I did say maybe. Twice now.

Valancy Jane says:
*now taking bets on how long it would take before Maximus knocked this onto his own head and brained himself. http://sandiego.craigslist.org/hsh/116906041.html *
Another addition to the clown house - http://sandiego.craigslist.org/hsh/116905279.html

Thérèse says:
"cash only."
*giggle, giggle*

Valancy Jane says:
I don't like to own teapots that have more stamps in their passpourte than me. http://sandiego.craigslist.org/hsh/116905160.html

Thérèse says:
Ha!

Valancy Jane says:
This ad amuses me.
http://sandiego.craigslist.org/zip/116882938.html

Note to Self

Yes, british people put milk in their tea and you had some irish cream and lipton brisk tea.

REMEMBER, CREAMER IS NOT 'JUST LIKE MILK'

Don't use coffee creamer in anything else but coffee. I thought we learned this lesson after that disturbing mashed potato incident.

Another Actual Conversation

Receptionist - "Good morning, [company name], this is [Valancy Jane], how can I help you?"

Caller - "Yes, ext 1210, [Nice Systems Engineer].

Receptionist - *french accent* "Ah yes, a fine choice madame, an excellent vintage. From Napa Valley, earthy but with a hint of sophistication."

Caller - "Huh?"

Receptionist - "Uh, [Nice Systems Engineer]'s cool. *pause* He DID go to Napa Valley last month with his wife."


*long pause*


Receptionist - "Yeah, I'll put you right through now."

At The End, I Launch Myself Into Space.

TEN random things you might not know about me
I have this weird aversion to people touching my knees.
I am a huge Lindsey Lohan fan. That includes her music career.
I can throw, but I catch like a girl.
I don't understand the appeal of extreme sports.
The most flattering mirror I own is my car's rear view mirror.
If you ask me how I got a scar, I will lie and make up a more interesting story than the truth, which is prolly that I fell off a curb or something pathetic.
I dream of being a sheep in a Christmas play.
On roadtrips I stop at dinners and I ALWAYS order chicken strips.
I have artwork by both Coco and Lou on my desk.
If you spell a word out loud, I have to write it down, I can't follow it otherwise.

NINE places I’ve visited
Washington DC
San Antonio, TX
Ensenada, Mexico
Reno, NV
Cotton, MN
Santa Fe, NM
Eau Claire, WI
St. Louis, MO
Seattle, WA

EIGHT ways to win my heart
Rub my shoulders
Get my pets names right
Make me laugh
Surprise me
Be passionate about something
Let me name something of yours
Play music
Tolerate all my hugs and kisses

SEVEN things I want to do before I die
It isn't so much a matter of the things I wanna do, I just wanna make the most of the opportunities that are presented to me, and to soak in what I am lucky enough to experience.

SIX things I’m afraid of
Biting into rotten food
Touching dead things
Going crazy
Pincher bugs crawling in my ears (when I was a kid, someone told me they do that and I've never gotten over it)
Being crushed in a small space
Tom Cruise

FIVE things I don’t like
Losing a friend
Tooth pain
Being cold
My earlopes being folded up
Throwing up

FOUR ways to turn me off
Refuse to hear me out
Mistreat my stuffed animals
Mistreat my pets
Have no personality

THREE Things I do every day
Drink tea
Daydream
Dance

TWO things that make me happy
People
The internet

ONE thing on my mind right now
My coming trip to England

Dear Lou,

I think you're tired of people saying that life has been unfair to you. It has, and you wouldn't want people to think you deserved all the crap thrown at you, but to just say, "poor girl, so unfair" is often ALL that they say or do.
So, Louest of Lous, what can I DO?

And have I told you lately how proud of you I am?
Your writing goes effortlessly between quirky, honest, insightful, and snort-with-laughter-funny. You take AMAZING photos. You make a picture of orange juice say something. You play around in photoshop and when you're done, the result is somehow more truthful then the simple picture.


You show amazing maturity in taking care of yourself emotionally, and knowing what you need, and that's a rare quality, one that can pull you through the worst times. But my little Lou-Lou, if you ever just need to collapse, you can.
It pains me to think of what went into making you as tough as you are, but that all you've gained from it is what makes me so hopeful for your future.
It only gets better, generally speaking, and you'll appreciate it more than most.

I love you more than coffee and naming things,
-VJ

Ok, It's A Forward. I Admit. But I Really Like It, Ok? Forgive Me For Posting It? Still Love Me? Hello ...............? *crickets chirp*

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who always makes her laugh... And one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job...
Break up with a lover...
And confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder...
And when to walk away........

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood may not have been perfect...
but; its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't do for love...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go.. be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month... and a year...

Merry That!

Col is sending out her holiday cards and beginning to buy / hide the gifts.

Merry That, Col!

So Then David Said.......

........... "You're good for me. Like vegetables and beer."

Merry That

Tonight, Col will be awaiting snow.

Merry That, Col!

Another Actual IM Conversation - 2000th Post!!!!!

VJ says:
So I'm up to my 2000th post!

Col says:
Today?




*blows kisses to Dufel and Nick, who have been here since the beginning*
I owe you guys a drink, or reading glasses.

Another Actual IM Conversation

Lisa says:
we, the aforementioned 'couple', have a special wedding challenge for you...
..*tries to make it more grand than it is*...

VJ says:
*stands straighter*

Lisa says:
...*it might not be grand, but it is special to us *...
when the engagement ring was bought, a cubby bear was bought with it...
...your mission should you choose to accept it...
..is to...
..name that bear

VJ says:
Rev. Ethan Darling.
R.E.D.
Named for a character in a book 'Rez and I are writing.

Lisa says:
Impressive Young One..that took precisely 27.4 nanoseconds
the Force is strong in you

Things I Enjoy About My MySpace Account.

I love that it says, "You must be someone's friend to make a comment about them."
I love that it gives me the option of "See all my friends."

I love that of my 'Top 8,' I've kissed four of them, and seen four of them naked, but it's not exactly the same four.

Happiness Is........

........... when your boyfriend says, "You are my favorite way to wake up."

Merry That

'Rez has had chocolate from her advent calender every morning for breakfast since Dec. 1st.

Merry That, 'Rez.

I See A Chance To Appreciate My Readers, And To Learn Something.

I was thinking this morning, that I'd like to wish all my readers a happy holiday season, in a way that's meaningful to them. I noticed something on the internet, that I could find plenty of sites telling me how to wish a Merry Christmas in any language, but not how to wish them well for the holidays that THEY celebrate.

I think about the readers I know of -
Egyptian/Russian/Canadian 'Rez
Jonny, Svenny, Petey, 'Mookie, Becky & JMsy in England, also Ruan who is orginally from South Africa.
'Shaw is in Mexico, but he is Jewish.
Chlace is in Thailand.

A quick check of my hit counter tells me I have readers in -
Australia
Sweden
France
Germany
Islamic Republic of Iran
Malaysia
Netherlands

And here in America we've got the melting pot.

The sheer volume of winter holidays around the world, if I just tried to cover them all, would turn my blog into a giant calender, and I'd rather make it a bit more personal.
So talk to me, peeps.

What do you celebrate, and how do I wish you well?

How do I say Happy Chanukkah in spanish?
'Rez, does your Eqyptian family celebrate Ramadan or an orthadox Christmas in Jan?
What are South African Christmas traditions? Do you roast a giraffe and pierce each other's ears?
I haven't a clue, but I'd like to.

Do you have no strong feelings for Christmas Day, but adore some more personal moment, like lighting your tree?
Even if your traditions this time of year are simply getting drunk or avoiding malls, Merry That.
Tell my your personal rituals and holiday celebrations.
Lets celebrate us, as we are.

People I Would Totally Drink Too Much Eggnog With -

The lovely BakeTown, for her WONDERFUL holiday gift ideas. I love giving gifts, simply because I love letting the people I love know that I've thought of them and wish them every comfort and joy. But seriously, how much money do we need to spend on people that aren't hungry or homeless? I don't want to give a guilt trip, but often these two ideas seem to fight each other, ESPECIALLY during the holiday season. BakeTown gives some wonderful ideas for gifts that give back. I Y you, BakeTown.

Not often do we have good things to say about the Bushs, but bless their hearts for not caving to pressure from conservative Christians, on the issue of their holiday cards. They wish people a "happy holiday season," and religious conservatives seem to have a nativity star up their asses about it, claiming that we need to "put Christ back in Christmas," regardless of whether this also shoves Christ into Chanukkah, Kwanzaa, Las Posadas, Ramadan and secular celebrations as well.
George and Laura, I wish you a happy holiday season as well.

I Like Surprises

Ok, so one of the salesguys grabs me some lunch when he goes out, which is wonderfully sweet, but the part that pushes it over in Utterly Endearing is that when you say "surprise me", he doesn't follow that up with twenty questions (Well, do you LIKE pastrami?), he actually surprises you. I love that. It's so rare.

Pennies From Heaven (Or The 7th Floor Penthouse)

My ol' buddy/'we-dated-for-like-a-minute-and-a-half-back-in-the-day' John invited me to join him at his company christmas party. Actually I think his exact words were something like, "So it's free liquor and I thought of you....." which I'm about 80% sure was a compliment.

I think it only took about five minutes in the door before it occured to John that mixing liquor, a shameless woman and people he had to face the next morning was a bit of a gamble. I think the exact moment a shade of fear passed through his eyes was when we got a drink, wandered out to the balcony of the suite and I said,

"Hmmm. See that fountain? Think I could get a penny in it from here?"

"Prolly not."

"Yeah, I didn't think so either. Lets try."

He promptly hustled me away from the edge to meet a few coworkers. Then a big exec type comes by, doing the whole 'only drawback to my bigshot career is that I have to slum it with you people once a year' small-talk and overdone laugh. As he left, he said,

"Ok, enjoy your evening, guys."

"Don't tell ME what to do, you're not MY boss."

*everyone gasps*

*no one, especially not the exec, laughs*

*except me, and nervously, John*

I asked a little boy to dance and he responded by running over, and kicking me repeatedly and vigorously in the shins.

At dinner I introduced myself to the man next to me with,

"So I'm gonna make a wild guess and say there's no chance I could sleep with you for that jacket, is there?"

"No, peaches, but perhaps my boyfriend and yours could work something out."

*boyfriend winks at John*

*John swallows hard*

Later, after we got tired of dancing, we strolled out down the long crowded balcony, slipping through little knots of people, me a few steps ahead of John.
When we got to the corner, John said,

"What on earth were you saying to people as you passed? They all stared after you, openmouthed."

"Oh, nothing really. I just agreed with everyone on my left, 'she's right, you know' that sort of thing."

"Oh. What did you agree with?"

"Not a clue. Wanna throw pennies in the fountain?"

*John shakes his head, and laughs* "Sure."

It turned into such a rousing game that everyone around us joined in. That fountain (and surrounding shrubery) made a couple bucks that night.

Because It's A Strange Ole' World .......

........... I get emails with the subject line, "純正綿羊皮皮衣 ~ 網路便宜賣 " and containing only this picture.

Quote Of The Day

"The problem with doing nothing is not knowing when you're finished."
-Ben Franklin

What I Really Want For Christmas

• A sari. They're so feminine and lovely.
• A song written about me. I'm so vain.
• Anything from here.
• Animal christmas ornaments.
• Neck rubs.
• Zoo or museum memberships.
• Big dangly earrings. If they swish and clank and brush my shoulders, all the better.
• A soft and cozy handmade scarf and hat from Pru in my favorite color
• A visit from all my dear Blends (blog friends).
• The address of any foreign food market close by.
• Clocks that tick. Loudly.
• A cockatiel that needs a home and wants to be held, talked to, and cuddled.
• Tea.
• Slippers.
• This.

Another Actual IM Conversation

Valancy Jane says:
*fishes in purse for aspirin*
*finds two apples and a bra*

Col says:
were the apples, in....lol?

Valancy Jane says:
*giggle*
No.

Thérèse says:
*giggle*
*giggle* They should have been.
Or, would have been, given a little time.

Valancy Jane says:
Now they are.

Thérèse says:
Ha! Who called it?

Receptionist says:
*giggle*
*guiltly pushes them back in her purse as CFO walks through lobby*

Another Actual IM Conversation

Valancy Jane says:
My new girl crush.

Thérèse says:
she's beautiful.
mine's natalie portman.

Valancy Jane says:
Lets shave our heads and become ninjas, ok?

Thérèse says:
kay.

Jonny says:
ok

Thérèse says:
But there's something you should know, Veaj.

Valancy Jane says:
Yes?

Thérèse says:
That didn't work out so well in one of our past lives.

I Never Realized How Beautiful She Is ........

.......... until I watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

She's my new girl-crush.

So Then David Said ............

............. as he looked at a rather lopsided and too - orange pumpkin pie, "Ok, here's the deal. However much wine you drank while you cooked it, thats how much I need to drink before I should be asked to eat it."

Christmas Survey

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Egg Nog, in small doses, spiked.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
No, Santa contracts out all his wrapping to me. Or at least he should. Have we talked lately about how much I love wrapping presents? Wrapping presents is an underrated art. I have been known to encase coffee mugs in large scale origami, and to spend more on ribbon then on the gift itself.
Is this silly?
Yes.
Can I stop myself?
No.
As a kid, I wrapped all the family's christmas gifts, including my own. Every year I pick a color scheme for the gifts I give. One year all my gifts were wrapped to look like old fashioned candy. Another year, I used layers of tissue, velum, and clear colored plastic wrap to create different layers of color. This year I'm going for a simple effect, with pale green paper and gold wire ribbon (it's actually a tree garland) with glitterly stars, and small bells as garnish.
Things like double sided paper and thick ribbons, they just thrill my little soul.
I can McGyver a wrapping job anywhere, including at a resturant, minutes before it's given, out of a placemat, thin unfolded napkin, a greeting card envelope and the paper from straws (which curl beautifully around your finger), and by golly it was PRETTY.
So ......... um, yeah. I like wrapping presents.
If Santa left me a bunch of empty boxes, 18 rolls of scotch tape, some good thick wrapping paper, tissue, couple hundred yards of ribbon, some good scissors, and assorted other craft papers and trinkets, that would be a MERRY CHRISTMAS. You'd find me a few hours later with my sleeves rolled up, my hair pushed back behind my ears (and prolly held there with scotch tape and a bow), in a mound of crinkled tissue paper, with my fingers tied in a tangle of ribbon, and as glowingly happy as the smudge of glitter across my nose.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Well, I have white lights on my tree, I like the effect slightly more. Outside I love it when people wrap their trees and bushs in lights. Something about it brings out the beauty in the tree, more than just the effect of the light. I don't care for those inflatable plastic mylar things people use nowadays. They weird me out a bit. Lumanaries are just magic to me.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Every place I can. I'm a hugger and a kisser.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
As soon after Thanksgiving is over. As a kid, I was known to hussle the Thanksgiving guests out just to get started. Throw on a Santa hat, put on Handel's Messiah, and reaquaint myself with all the smiling faces of snowmen and angels and nutcrackers, that I'd so lovingly and reluctantly box up last New Years. Because no one in my family is really very sentimental at all, Christmas became more and more MY holiday. Chanukkah wasn't celebrated much in our family, despite our Jewish heritage on both sides, so anything I knew I'd looked up on my own. So I noted the days on my calender, and would spend a moment each day as I noticed it getting dark, thinking of a lamp still burning. Sometimes the most meaningful observations occur only in the heart and mind. And my birthday being in the middle of all this gave me a feeling of being personally connected to it all. Each holiday decoration became a treasured friend, and I touched each one for a moment before I hung them up.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Mashed potatoes! 'Specially if there were still thanksgiving leftovers. I'd take a bowl of mashed potatoes and put some turkey and stuffing in on the sides, and dump some gravy over the whole thing, microwave it and eat a little cranberry sauce while it cooks ............ SO GOOD.
But for Christmas Day, at my grandfathers, we always had tacos. What? He was Irish and Irish people all totally wanna be Mexican. Good stuff anyway. Whatever his faults (*cough*alcoholic*cough*grabsmyass*cough*), he and Marty were great cooks and not stingy in the least, with food, liquor or presents.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
After decorating the tree one year, I turned out all the lights but the ones on the tree, and lay on the floor, and looked up at the ceiling. I don't think this is the sort of memory thats really possible to share, I could try to explain the magic and shapes and shadows I saw there, but if you weren't there, I'm not sure it would mean anything.
I also enjoyed the year the Christmas parade went past our house in Jersey, on my birthday. I was certain that it was all really for my benefit.
As an adult, I enjoyed most the year I stopped going to my grandfather's house with the family/getting my ass grabbed. It reminded me that the beautiful thing about growing up was that I could start better traditions.
And of course the year I spent alone in Albuquerque and watched the snow fall. That was magic and healing, all at once.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I always knew. My parents explained it as a game other parents played with their kids. I never told other kids or tried to ruin it, and I pretended to believe it when other adults asked because it seemed to upset them if I said, "Oh, I know there's no Santa."

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Yes. I have no willpower, I tear into gifts as soon as justifiable.

10. What kind of cookies does Santa get set out for him?
I happen to know that Santa likes a good shot of peppermint schnapps and some buffalo wings.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
I like it as it is here in San Diego, a destination. It will never touch my doorstep, but it's within an hour's drive into the mountains if I want it.

12. Can you ice skate?
Yes. When I was young and we had the house in Jersey, my mother bought me a pair of 'trainer skates' with two blades for stability. I would ice skate up and down the frozen street in front of the house, bumping the neighbor's parked cars and setting off their car alarms. But after all those years of roller skating at Aquarius Roller-Rink, I'm a better ice skater as well.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
My bike, I think. It expanded my whole world, from the yard to the whole block. I was a queen surveying my domain, I was a knight on missions, I was a pirate looking for things to steal.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Taking time to stop and be still and celebrate what we hold dear.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
The gingerbread cake my grandmother makes me for my birthday.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Taking a drive with hot cider in mugs, and looking at christmas lights. A walk is better, if they're nearby.

17. What tops your tree?
A Dove

18. Which do you prefer Giving or Receiving?
Giving. I know that I'm prolly gonna get presents, but when someone actually hands it to me, I'm always a bit taken back.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Carol?
Silent Night is my favorite, I've always loved Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas and I'm developing a new appreciation for Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
YUMYUMYUM.

Another Actual IM Conversation

Thérèse says:
I love Svennie.
I love Svennie more than I love my calculator.
And I'm an engineer --- we love our calculators.

Valancy Jane says:
Wow. That's love, baby.

Thérèse says:
Seriously! Sometimes he's more random than.. than... than... than Jonny!

Valancy Jane says:
Wow. That's heresay, baby.



For the record, I love Svenny every bit as much as I love Jonny.

Comics Section

Happiness Is ........

........... Opening your mailbox and finding a wonderful box o' knitted happiness, courtesy of the exquisite and talented Prudence. Pru, you're a princess. Or you should be.

The Importance Of Civic Duty (And How To Avoid It)

Bored Salesguy IM'd me this morning, needing my help. After a recent transfer to the Houston office, he just recieved a summons for jury duty.

My usual suggestion of answering every question with "Fry 'em!" while it is highly effective in liberal southern california, might have the opposite effect there in Texas.

So, here's what we've got so far, please add your suggestions below.

• Carry a small rabbit. Stroke it gently and constantly. If someone speaks to you, direct your answer only to the rabbit. "Miss Betsy, we don't want to go through the medal detector, do we?" "Miss Betsy, we don't think people should ever be locked up, do we? Coyotes, maybe, but not people."
• Two words. No, wait, three words. I know 'Offensive' is one word, but is 'body-odor' one word or two?
• Pretend to be utterly fascinated with your surroundings. Whisper questions like, "Is that REAL wood?" Tell the judge you just love what he/she's done with the courtroom, "Are those plaques NEW?" If you can narrow it down even further, to simply the construction of the chairs, even better. Everytime you are asked a question, tear your attention away from the chair very reluctantly. Answer the question with a dismissive, "Oh, I don't know. See the way the seat cushion is tacked down? Isn't that inovative?" Trace the woodgrain on the wall, and ask the people on both sides of you if they've noticed The Chairs.
• Borrow all your friends old prescription bottles, and fill them with sugar pills, vitamins, or small candies that look like pills. Open a different pill bottle every 2.14 minutes, rattling the bottle and pretending to be embarrassed about the noise. If asked, insist that this is your regular pill schedule, and you really must take them ON TIME. Continue downing pills all morning, then when you get up for lunch, spill them all over the floor.
• Insist that you'd be more comfortable sitting on the floor, in the corner of the room, for your 'bad back.' Everytime someone speaks, says, "What? I can't hear you."
• Accidently flick your pen across the room. Repeatedly.

Happiness Is .........

............... bringing leftover baba gannouge and pita for lunch. And eating it for breakfast.

Happiness Is ...........

............... when John calls you on a boring day at work and reads you names and numbers out of the phone book, for you to prank call.

Another Actual Conversation

Receptionist - "........... and just remember, the sucess of the whole plan rests on you being able to convince them later, that I'm crazy."

Guy in Finance - "Something tells me that won't be difficult."

So Then I Said .............

......... "You know, if you have two cups in one hand, it's not double-fisted drinking."

Christmas Star

On one of the hills surrounding El Cajon, Rattlesnake Mountain, the owners have placed a very large star light, which shines from Thanksgiving to New Year's Eve.

Growing up on the hill opposite, I had a great view of it.





I was sexually abused as a child, by the father of two of my friends. One can only assume that my two friends were as well, and far more often.
I used to worry about them. I didn't sleep much as a kid.
Sometimes I would sit up and look out my window.

They lived at the base of that hill, right under the star.

So although I could never say so in all those school essays as a kid, this is what Christmas means to me.

Christmas is when you can't sleep and you look out your window and you see that light and love are looking down on what your heart holds dear.
Christmas is when there is hope, that someone sees you.
Christmas is silent nights, cold toes, and a light in the dark.

Another Actual Conversation

David - "So I'm think I'm gonna buy an aural exciter at Guitar Center."

VJ - *giggles foolishly*

Band Member - "What kind? We could use an aural exciter for the setup here."

VJ - *giggles harder*

David - "Well, there's one on sale I was eyeing."

VJ - *still giggling*

Band Member - "What's with her?"

David - "She's not over the whole 'oral' exciter thing yet."

Band Member - "Ah yes. That's right. She's new."