Monologue

"So I was soaking in the tub for ages, and decided when I was done to take a shower to rinse off, and so I drained the tub and turned on the shower and the water was cold so I thought to myself, 'this is what poor Nick complains about since he takes his morning shower after me' and I resolved to take shorter showers for your sake, and then I realized that there WAS some hot water left, it just needed to run for a minute so I learned my lesson AND still got to take a hot shower, so it all ended happily."

The Foot-in-Mouth Monologues

"Oh [Customer Service Rep who works out of another office in another state and is visiting our main office for a few days], are you leaving already? Bummer! [Other Rep from that out of state office] called and asked if you were bugging me and I said, 'No, not nearly enough! He's been locked in a room for two days!' Come to think of it, that might have worried her. Oops. You might want to call her and make sure she knows that by 'room' I meant 'meeting.' With coffee and sandwiches and bathroom breaks. Not, like, 'broom closet.'"