Drink up, babydoll. Are you in or are you out? Leave your things behind, 'cause it's all going on without you. Excuse me, too busy, writing your tradgedy. These missiles that you bubblewrap, you have no idea what you'll lose.
So let go, jump in. Well, what you waiting for? It's all right, 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
You've worn out your third pair of shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open even when you sneeze.
You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
You can type sixty words per minute -- with your feet.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You don't sweat... you percolate.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
You short out motion detectors.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You ski uphill.
Your next-door neighbors often call to complain about the sound of your chattering teeth.
On the way to work you get pulled over for speeding and you don't even have your car.
You wake up in the middle of the night screaming "Pepsi! For the love of God, I need Pepsi!"
You're shaking like Michael Jackson on his wedding night.
You've just had your 20th cup of coffee within 20 minutes on a Friday afternoon, at 4 o'clock, just so "the milk doesn't go bad over the weekend"
You believe that the coffee bean is a vegetable.
You know from experience caffeine tablets don't dissolve in cola.
You have a mini-fridge under your desk... and a catheter.
You drink decaf by accident and slip into a coma.
Mountain Dew is the stuff great decisions are made of.
You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign.
You have tattooed across the knuckles of your hands "JOLT" and "COLA"
Your birthday is a national holiday in Colombia.
Your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen.
Your web page has the Mountain Dew color scheme.
You have distilled Jolt Cola to make it more potent.
The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.
You see nothing wrong with using water joe (caffeinated water) to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze.
It's 6:09 AM and you're on your 2nd 20oz. cup of coffee.
You have to drink some form of caffeinated beverage just to sleep.
You suck on a used coffee filter (full of coffee grounds) whenever the can runs out of coffee.
Last night I dreamed that I was visiting a sheep farm, and the farmer gave me a baby duck and I have never been so happy in a dream because baby ducks are the cutest and most joy producing animals known to man. Really, I know. My mother gave me one when I was a kid and I loved little Priscilla all her life and she would follow me around everywhere I went. I still miss her. And I was sooooo sad to wake up this morning. I want to go back to sleep and play with the ducky's little flipper feet some more.
Sample post contains the words - " The television is set at a volume that literally rattles the whole house. It's as if Xzibit came in and pimped my mom's den with massive subwoofers."
Bottling up the crazy
Sample post contains the words - "My desk at work looks like someone named "Alisabeth - age 9" works there".
Happy Cat Diaries
Sample post contains the words - "I made a big scene at the Japanese Cultural Centre because a voraciously hungry man pushed me and forced me to spill tea in my shoe, and he stole all the sushi out from under my chopsticks."
Enter the Madness
Sample post contains the words - ""Flapjacks are great" said The Actress to The Bishop"
The Life & Times Of Sancho Knotwise
Sample post contains the words - "I am a bit worried that people will think I've turned gay, cos my mum bought me a new white jacket, lined with fur inside. I actually really like it, but thats what worries me... lol"
Life and Times
Sample post contains the words - "Also on the upside, it is the last month of the calendar. I only have to look at cutesie cats and dogs for another week, then I'll put up a new calendar. Whose idea was that annoying calendar? Ok mighta been mine. That just annoys me more."
Kimberly glides, in the arms of cactus angels, mayan big shots float around, guess this is her home now. You mistook me for a man who understands, things of godless, heartless pitiful nature. Hell, I just settled in for the winter.
Kimmy just smiles, wants to stay forever, I'd have her but we know that's just a word. We wish we'd never heard when we're together. Says she must return, to cactus angels.
Jr. High Leader Sitting - "I got something I didn't know I wanted until I got it."
Jr. High Leader Speaking - "How so?"
Jr. High Leader Sitting - "My Grammie gave me one of those little battery powered facial hair removers that are the size of a pen and told me that if genetics were any indication, I would need it. You better believe I was glad to have it after hearing that!"
So far I've considered -
Blessed - the word I feel best describes my life
Gwyneth - the car's name
VlncyJn - hopefully that's self explanatory
I know I have very creative friends so please vote or suggest.
Then I got up and went up to my grandmothers house and we sat around and talked, mostly about my idiot mother and her idiot husband. But it was the longest and most honest conversation I've ever had with my Grammie and I feel so much closer to her now. She's a doll. She gave me a sweet little jewelry box, some lovely earrings that were exactly the kind I was looking for, a booklight (which I named Francis), amoung other things. She even made me gingerbread cake, my absolute favorite. Then at noon, my mother and brother came for lunch. I specifically asked my mother not to bring Bob. I still haven't met him, and I have no problem with meeting him, but that's not what I wanted for my birthday. But of course it has to all be about her, she had him drop her off at my grandmothers. She called him twice during lunch. And when he dropped her off and picked her up, he had to make a big show of getting out to open her door and tuck her in. Don't get me wrong, I want nice things for her, but I resent his obvious attempt to put on a show for my benefit. I just stayed in the house and told myself to laugh about it. "Laugh or go crazy." She gave me a VERY BIG fuzzy green scarf that is very warm and pretty, but looks a bit like its conspiring to overtake my ears and then the rest of my head. I named it Felice. I'll take a picture. Therese would adore it. Coco would be afraid of it. Lou would put eyes on it. Zoe would laugh and use it as a kite. I gave my granny a basket of books and snacks. I also tucked in a cat toy and some treats for the kitten I heard she had adopted, not knowing that she had given it away. She was explaining to me that this kitten had just destroyed everything and was aggressive and at 8 months he already weighed 15 lbs. Which is what both of my cats together weigh. The more she told me, the more I think he was a feral half bobcat. As kittens, they look just like normal domestic kittens, so the shelter wouldn't know the difference. She gave him to my uncle, who will let him be a outdoor cat on his big piece of property, which is the best thing for him. I gave my brother Jesse a gift certificate to a great restuarant, Rita's. He paid for me to get a personalized lisense plate on my car and a nice mango scented candle. I gave Mumsie a coffee mug with a Thomas Kincaid painting on it with windows that light up when you put something hot in it. I took it out and tested it before I wrapped it, it was cool. I'm very easily amused. I gave her a scarf I crocheted too, there was supposed to have a matching hat, but after breaking my finger, that went out the window.
After I left my Grammie's, (with a baggie of gingerbread for the road, god bless her) and was driving home, my father called me (probably drunk or on his way there).
"Hi, how's your birthday going?"
"Great, 50Cent's song 'In Da Club' just came on the radio, which is good. 'Go shortie, its your birthday.......'."
"But I just hit traffic and now I'm stopped dead on the freeway, so that's bad."
"But wait, life takes another upward turn! I'm stuck behind an ice cream truck!"
It's the little things really.
I went and did a little shopping until JR got off work, and spent a disturbing amount of money at PetSmart. Their parking lot always smells like wet dog for some reason. I got new plants for my fish, a new coconut house for the crabs, some great cat toys and toys for JR's dog and his parents dog. Since Dulce has this pink collar that she loves (if you take it off, she slinks around and mopes like you shaved her), I got her a little pink heart tag with her name and info. And I got Maximus a blue one (I wanted black spikes but they didn't have one small enough) with a little gold tag. He walks around with it like a little boy being forced to wear a tie for the first time. Dulce sticks her little chest out and shows hers off.
Then I went to Marshalls and bought a few more last minute presents and had a great time chatting up the people in line. I helped a girl pick out barware for her boyfriend and convinced an older woman to get the sweater she really wanted. Then I went home to change and JR took me to dinner at Antonios, which is this great old mexican place with amazing atmosphere and yummy food. That's where that picture below was taken. Then we went home and snuggled. I could just snuggle with him for hours on end. He's so lovely to me.
The next morning, Christmas Eve, JR came over I demanded that we immediatly exchange presents. What little willpower I posses does not extend to presents. I can't help myself, and I don't even try anymore. JR opened his main gift from me, which was sooooo hard to wrap.JR gave me this, and this, and this, and this and big black fur throw. And he wrote me love poems. I adore him.
I ran to Vons for omelet stuff, and then we just hung out all day, kissing and playing with the footbath and watching Miracle on 34th Street. We made an amazing dinner, the contents of which I won't list for fear you will get an idea of just how many calories we consumed. We had the nicest dinner, just the two of us. Nothing you could put under a tree could compare to moments like that. Then Jesse called and said he had some presents for me from my uncles and grandfather and wanted to drop them off. I got a funny t-shirt, a cd, some christmas socks, two glass hummingbird ornaments, and a sweater, bag and scarf, all from the Gap.
The next morning, Christmas, I got up early and headed over to JR's parents house to share in the gift exchange. His mother gave me a nice leather wallet with gift certificates to Rita's and the movie theater. Dang, now I have to be nice to her.
Then I ran home and picked up my Adorable Jordanian Neighbor, Bashar, and took him with me to Bunny's house for breakfast (which was suberb!). I got Bunny's boys walkie talkies and her daughter Jessica a scarf I made and a box of chocolate. I got Bunny some books about gardening and Bashar some chocolate and wine and a spice rack. Bunny gave me wine and an unbreakable wine glass (she knows my clumsy self too well) and Jessica gave me very cute bookends that now sit on my big bookshelf. Then JR joined us there at Bunny's, and then we went back to his parents house. I got to meet his brother Billy's girlfriend, Megan. JR's aunt, uncle and grandmother came over for a late lunch, which would have been nicer if JR's mother wasn't on one of her imfamous bitchy rampages. She hates that I'm not afraid of her, so she makes these 'joking' comments, and hates that I call her on them. Not mean or upset, I just say things like, "Kathy, what a nice thing to say". She's just a little bully and likes everyone to be afraid of her little barbs.
But at about 5:30, JR and I headed back to my postage stamp and had another cozy little evening together. He's worth fifty bitchy mothers. He's what I wanted for Christmas, and I got him. Merry Christmas to me. I hope the holidays were as kind to you as they were to me.
Maximus, watching the bubbles I blow floating down, choosing one and popping it.
In case you missed the irony, I repeat. My mother gave me a book on marriage. Emphasize any noun in that sentence and you have a punchline.
MY MOTHER gave me a book on marriage.
My mother gave ME a book on marriage.
My mother gave me a book on MARRIAGE.
Stuffed Girl - "I can't."
Adorable Jordanian Neighbor - "Why not?"
Stuffed Girl - "Because my stomach is full. There is no room AT ALL. It's full."
Adorable Jordanian Neighbor - "You still have your throat!"
|My jerk father just sent me a card with $100. I think I will buy myself a few more hermit crabs and then send him a thank-you note that says -
Thanks for the money. I got crabs with it.
Let him worry what it means.
Rejoice, rejoice greatly!
Rejoice, oh daughter of Zion.
Behold thy King cometh unto thee.
Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Amnesia: I Don't Know if I was Home for Christmas
Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...
Paranoid: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Agoraphobia: I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
Autistic: Jingle Bell Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock
Senile Dementia: Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in my Slippers and Robe
Oppositional Defiant Disorder: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
Social Anxiety Disorder: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate
I am Mr Do.
I am sedentary by nature, enjoying passive entertainment, eating when the mood takes me, and playing with my food. I try to avoid conflict, but when I'm angered, I can be a devil - if you force me to fight, I will crush you. With apples. What Video Game Character Are You?
Your friendship has meant a lot to me this past year and I thought it would be remiss of me not to tell you all so. This concept of knowing people over the internet seems at times unreal, but your true and kind natures have shone across states and countries to become some of the most honest moments of every day. I wish I could send you all something that you could touch as a tangible token of our friendship, but limited in contact, I offer -
What I Wish You For Christmas.
I wish I could arrive at your door, with a full orchestra and the Morman Tabernacle Choir. We would play Silent Night so soft and slow it would make you cry. I would personally play the cello and the piano and a harp solo (as long as I'm imagining something, might as well make it good, right?) all while conducting the orchestra and hugging you. Then we would play Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, with me of course at lead vocals, then we'd change the tempo into a rockin' swing version of Jingle Bell Rock, and you and I and all your neighbors would swing dance. Then you and I would go inside and eat waffles with strawberries or cranberries on them and drink tea and hot coco and cider and finish off with a little coffee and Baileys ('cept Miss Coco and Miss Lou, you guys get Starbucks) and we would giggle and exchange gifts of handmade scarves and dusty old books and coffee mugs the size of soupbowls. Of course I would give you big fuzzy slippers and a orange kitten named Walter Mitty or a beta fish named Boutros Boutros Gali.
Then I would leave with one last big hug and more giggles and me and my orchestra would dash away into the night leaving a warm fuzzy glow and candy canes behind.
Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - "No."
Receptionist - "I don't do that."
Friendly Intel Exec - "Why not?"
Coworker, She of the Lovely Curls - "I just ask for money."
Receptionist - "And it's hard to put 'Please stop calling me' in list form."
I was working in Things Remembered on Christmas Eve, with one other girl, Michele. It was almost closing and amazingly the mall was getting kinda quiet. We were counting down the minutes until closing when we could pull down the gate, count the drawer, do the closing paperwork, vaccum and turn off the lights. At T minus 17 minutes, a little boy, maybe 8 years old, kinda dirty, with a limp and sad looking santa hat came in. He walked right up to me and said, "Do you have anything for seven dollars and 31 cents?" he said hopefully, looking around at the pricey objects in the glass cases. "Let me think," I said, looking around with more optimism than I felt. As I scanned the shelves, he said, "My mother is the last person on my list, I saved her for last so I could use every last penny. I bought toys for my little sisters, but since my dad left there is no one to buy presents for my mom, so I want to get her something nice, like.................. oh, like that! Do....... do I have enough for that?" he pointed to a large red beaded candle with silk gift bag and engravable charm, retailing for $17.99 plus state and federal tax.
"Let me check."
I went to the register and starting using every discount code I knew. Michele, who was working at the engraver, leaned over my shoulder and made a few suggestions. That kid became a employee, a member of Triple A, and appearently made a wedding purchase of over $200, according to our computer. That brought it to $8.49. I looked at Michele and said, "I hope we don't get in trouble for this."
She said, "Well, if we're gonna get written up for this, we might as well do it loud and proud." She re-rang it and did a price overide to $5. "At least they can't say we were being sneaky about it."
The little boy had slipped unnoticed up closer to the register during this and startled us when he said, "I don't have enough, do I?"
"Yes, it's on sale!" we said in unison.
Yes, for five dollars and thirty-eight cents."
Michele hissed under her breath, "Find out his name and stall him!" as she slight-of-handed the charm off the bag and into the engraving machine.
I asked his name and he looked at me hesitantly. I said "It's for the recipt, I have to do it." He said, "Danny."
I stood there and pretended to be taking a long time to finish ringing it up as Michele engraved "To My Mom" on the front of the heart shaped charm. Then I used the best gift wrapping supplies in the store ("They are free on Christmas Eve, Danny, store policy.") to wrap it up after Michele slipped the charm with "Love Danny" on the back, back onto the silk bag.
Danny's eyes lit up and he said, "That's perfect, just what I wanted. Gotta go, my grandpa's waiting. Thanks!"
And we watched as Danny ran away, santa hat waving, with $32.99 worth of merchandise, love for his family, and the true meaning of Christmas, in his grubby little hands.
Then we came back discussed doing a play 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' dressed like we were dressed. And that every act or so, I would yell switch and everyone would switch roles. This drama club is going to be fun. We worked on our Steward from Mad TV impressions. "Look what I can do!" Vanessa, my neighbor, brought Tilly, my little two-year old red-haired neighbor, over. She's too cute for words. I'm going to keep her, I swear. Then I ran the girls home, and stopped by Bunny's house to pick up my birthday present. That dear woman knows me so well. She got me adorable dishes, that go beautifully with the ones I have, keeping the mix and match look I was going for. They are perfect and very friendly dishes. Don't ask me how dishes can be friendly. They just can, and if you don't know that, I can't explain. I ran Jessica, Bunny's daughter, to a party on Mt. Helix, it was a beautiful drive and we only got lost twice.
Poor Bashar was saying in the afternoon that he was feeling sick, so when I got home I went to check on him and he's seemed to be feeling better. Poor thing, to be sick and alone in an apartment with no one to fuss over you. Then I went home and JR, my poor sick boyfriend, (am I spreading something?) came over and we made pasta and snuggled until we were both half asleep and then he tucked me in and left. So ended a great weekend.
By Robert Graves
She tells her loves while half asleep
In the dark hours,
With half-words whispered low;
As the Earth stirs in her winter sleep
And puts out grass and flowers
Despite the snow,
Despite the falling snow.
Last night I dropped by #32 to return a cup from the other night, thinking I'd say a quick hello and then go and tuck myself snug and sound into my own little bed. (JR is snickering right now, that I don't know the meaning of the words "quick hello"). But of course we ended up sitting around talking until 2 AM. The combination of good company and good food makes me completely unaware of the passage of time.
Let me explain. See, it used to be that when I went to bed at night, Maximus would look around and realize that he had no one to play with, so he'd sleep too. Now he has someone to play tag all around the apartment with, ALL NIGHT LONG. When I wake up in the morning, all my rugs are at the opposite ends of the apartment, like they've been riding them like magic carpets across the kitchen. I found one shoe in my bedroom under my bed and the other in the living room. All night I hear things falling down, and think to myself, "It didn't sound like anything broke, so I don't have to get up, do I?" When I come home from work at night, they are curled up together and look up at me with their little velvet angel faces.
The genuine crazies weren't as bad. There was the multiple personality disorder lady, she had her mirror friend (who I wanted to meet because she was always giggling at her mirror friend so I assume he/she was very funny) and then she had Hat On and Hat Off. Hat On and Hat Off would have conversations as she walked. Hat On was chattier. Hat On was the only one that would talk to me. There were a few more like that, but I never minded them much.
Mall employees. There is a underappreciated, depressed race of people. Someday I will start a charity for mall employees. They stand all day, sometimes alone (meaning they can't take a break) in a store for up to 8-12 hours. Most don't have cars, because the pay barely covers their share of rent in a shabby apartment shared by at least two other people and bus fare. So after a long day of smiling literally until it hurts, they spend another hour on a creaking bus to get home. Most would like to go to school or get a different job, but most are limited to finding a place on the bus line.
There is a lot more interaction between mall employees then most people realize. It's a very gossipy place and most of the gossip is true. The guys at the cell phone kiosks all drink. Really. The department store employees will only interact with other department store employees. The girls at Fredricks are.......... well, lets just say young people read this blog, so whatever you are imagining is probably right. The little guy that works weekends at Hot Topic (and just hangs around the rest of the time) is the official drug dealer of the mall. And he was in love with me for a month or so. That was interesting. He is like 78 lbs, but don't try to deal at that mall, it will not end well for you. He has the equivilant of a chemistry degree in knowledge. He specializes in 'recreational prescriptions'. As in other people's prescriptions.
There is a always a network of sorts, a 'I use your employee discount on a jacket, you use so and so's discount on a poster and so and so uses mine on this necklace and we call it even' that defies any owners attempts to put a stop to. God help anyones who uses the system, then backs out when their turn comes. Cinnabon will probably stop selling them large sodas for $0.75. And when you realize how much caffeine is necessary to get through an average shift and the cost of paying full price, you realize that that is a fate worse then death. It's a cutthroat world. Really.
And the customers. Oh, the customers. Some of them are insanely mean because they think thats bargining. And some of them, will watch a clerk try to ring them up, have the register tape run out, the clerk try to replace it with a new roll, have the new role jam, clerk find a manager, have the manager fix the problem, the clerk tries again to ring you up, the credit card register tape runs out, and the customer complains about how long it's taking.
Moral of the story, this Christmas season, be nice to mall employees. Smile at them. Realize that they have been on their feet without a break for hours. If they are particulary nice, buy them a soda at Cinnabon.
My optimistic estimate is Monday, April 24, 2073.
In other words, between the ages of 79 and 92. I hope its closer to 92, I think being old is awesome and want to do that for as long as possible. I'm going to knit those ridiculous barbie-doll-dress-toilet-paper-cover things and give them to everyone I know.
2. Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
3. Open door and remove cat from closet.
4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6. Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. . .
7. Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.
8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and collect string.
9. Remove present from bag.
10. Remove cat from bag.
11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.
12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13. Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat.
14. Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight.
15. Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper.
16. Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in.
17. Place present on paper.
18. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize cat is between present
and paper. Remove cat.
19. Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape.
20. Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.
21. Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.
22. Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.
23. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.
24. Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.
25. Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper.
26. Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper.
Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.
27. Put present in box, and tie down with string.
28. Remove string, open box and remove cat.
29. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room.
30. Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials.
31. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock.
32. Repeat previous step as often as is necessary
(until you can hear cat from outside door)
33. Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the toilet, but do your best)
34. Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for
sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any left because cat helped with this last year as well.
35. Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
36. Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. Tie up with ribbon
and decorate with bows to hide worst areas.
37. Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a difficult job.
38. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.
39. Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.
40. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
41. Go to store and buy a gift bag
Last night we took the JV kidlets to the mall for a scavenger hunt, aka a night of doing ridiculous things in public. So of course I loved it. We sang Christmas carols very badly, said the pledge of allegiance to poster with a flag and a chevy truck on it, and toilet papered a kid. Surprisingly, we weren't asked to leave. We even sang the Veggie Tales song (yes I know every word) as loud as possible next to a kiosk selling the DVDs. The salesguy loved it.
Then we took them back to the church for ice cream. A father of one of the kids brought in a telescope bigger than me and showed us all the rings on Saturn.
Then I went home and stuck two potatoes in Hector to cook, but then forgot about them. I was turning out the lights to go to bed when I realized that I had potatoes in the microwave and I was hungry. So I took them and an In Touch magazine, snuggled up in bed and ate them plain.
"Um, why did you guys want to see me?"
"Sarah, how are you?"
"I'm good. But what's up? Surely you didn't pull me out of a test to say hi."
"Do you feel a lot of pressure from the tests, Sarah?"
"No, not really. I studied. It's just that the last time I got called to the office it was to tell me that my brother had been taken to the hospital. So did someone die?"
"Do you want your family to die, Sarah?"
"Nooooooo, what is this?"
"You look stressed, Sarah."
"Well, yeah, now I am."
After about ten more minutes of that, I finally got out of them that a student had come to them saying I had threatened to kill myself. What that well-intentioned student had actually heard were my plans to transfer to another class. Took me another half an hour to convince them.
A World of Sven Blogger You Would Most Like to Have Coffee With Award.
Wait until they realize that I make horrible coffee.
A World of Sven Most Original and Interesting Blog Award.
Which is interesting to win on the day I feel like I'm getting writers block.
A World of Sven One Blog You Would Take With You To A Desert Island.
Can I go too, or does just my blog get to go?
Thank you to everyone who voted for me, I know all of these races were very close and I'm honored.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arrive.
You and me, riding nowhere, spending someone's hard earned pay. You and me, Sunday driving, not arriving on our way back home.