Ask Bogie!

Humphrey Bogart will help you write a speech for any occasion!
He took down a few word suggestions and crafted this minor masterpiece for me, for turning in a lover to the police.

Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the kissing for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: teabags.

I'm saying that because it's true. Inside of us we both know your elbow doesn't belong here. If that plane leaves the ground and you and your crab are not on it, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but next tuesday , and for the rest of your life.

Forget about us. We'll always have leeks. I'm no good at being unique, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a flock of pigeons in this dandy world. Some day you'll understand that.

Here's looking at you, kid!

And this one, for asking a special someone out on a date.

I'm a very smart guy. I haven't a feeling or scruple in the world. All I have is the itch for money. And leeks. But mostly money. For twenty-five bucks a day and expenses, I do my thinking myself, what there is of it. I risk my whole future, the hatred of the cops, and my own elbow. I'm expected to say thank you very much, if you have any more trouble, I hope you'll think of me.

I do all this for twenty-five bucks a day, day in day out, like an old flock of pigeons that your crab dragged in.

Go ahead - tell me I'm no better than teabags. I've been called worse than that. What do you think I am - unique? Now you offer me fifteen grand. How long will that last? Maybe till next tuesday. Then again, maybe not.

Do you think I'm going to take your dandy money and walk away? Think again, sister.

From now on, I will always ask Bogie.