Trick or Treat!

This morning on the commute, Nick and I were discussing what we should hand out to trick or treaters. Obviously we need to do something fairly decent, because we'll be meeting our neighbors for the first time and something between goodwill and fear compels us to want them to like us. So we ran down the obvious ideas, flyers about Jonny's cult, sushi, pilfered office supplies, etc....

But then we got the idea to tailor our treats to the costume.

Witches get kittens.
Pirates get those little bottles of rum.
Princess get valium, someone to follow them home with a camera or an Elton John CD. (Airbags were deemed "not funny.")
Devils get lighters and a gas can.
So do pilgrims.
Ghosts get cans of glow in the dark spray paint.
Cowboys get a large, raw, unpacked steak.
Knights get switchblades.
Vampires get V8.
Clowns get a gift certificate for therapy.
Ballerinas get a threepack of double cheeseburgers.
Any sort of animal costume gets a poster from Peta's "I'd rather be naked than wear fur" ad campaign.
Biblical characters get a Harry Potter book.

I think the kids will like us, don't you?