Conversation Enders.

I started pondering this because of my creepy/weird/nosy apartment manager, but I think we all need to have a few of these up our sleeves for when you just really want to NOT talk to someone.

• Do the 'gotta pee' dance.
• Pretending that whatever you are carrying is heavier than it is.
• Cutting them off and asking "Why do you keep calling me 'Sarah'? My name is Erica." Then walk away like you're offended.
• Wearing a small whiteboard hung around your neck that reads, "Since the accident, I am deaf."
• Say, "My irritable bowels are acting up again."
• Say, "Sorry, but the kidnappers said they would call me at 6:00pm on the dot and you KNOW how attachted I am to my grandmother."
• Point to nothing on the ground and say, "Sorry to cut you off, but this ant keeps LOOKING at me like something's wrong." Walk away still staring at the ground, addressing questions to the non-existant ant. "What's the matter, boy? Is the queen alright?"
• Close your eyes and rub your temples like you have a headache, then eventually let your hand fall, then begin to lightly snore.
• Respond to everything they say with an arm slug and a laugh. "You are such a kidder! Come on, do another impersonation!"
• Keep scratching your crotch like it's painful, then use the same hand to touch their forearm and ask, "Do you have any vasoline? ........ No? ........... Ok, I've gotta run then."
• Carry a (well-rinsed) motor oil bottle full of apple juice. Sip from it. Start to weave from side to side. Excuse yourself and crawl away.
• Say, "Do you smell smoke? You check that way and I'll check this way." Wander off distractedly sniffing the air.

And of course, there is the Fake Phone Call.

I am GREAT at the Fake Phone Call.

I actually ENJOY the Fake Phone Call

While with some people, any fake phone call will do, some less tactful people require a really important sounding phone call.

• ".......... so wait. The rash spread that much just since last night? ............. And the specialist won't move your appointment up? ............... Did your regular doctor send over the photos? ............ Wow................... *raises eyebrows* Well, if it helps, but I'd ask your doctor about that ................... Yeah, I really don't know if you're supposed to rub that kind of thing on your skin ............."
• "............... Yeah ............. Yeah ................. Two lines is positive ............. So how are you going to tell him? ............... You think that's best? ................. No, you're right ................. I understand ................. Oh honey ............. Do you want me to come over? ..........."
• ".......... Yes, I understand, officer ............. I'm afraid he does know a lot about explosives, sir ......... Which bank is it? .............. And he wants to talk to me? ........... Well, I'll TRY to talk him out it, sir ..........."
• "............ Aunt Lucy, why does my caller id say you're calling from the sheriff's office? .......... WHAT? ................ Oh ................ No, I had no idea throwing scones at a dog was considered assault either .......... Don't worry, Aunt Lucy, we'll get you out ........... HOW MUCH? ........... Wow ........... No, don't worry about it, I'll be there right after I stop at the ATM ............ No, I won't tell Aunt Carla about this, I promise .......... I know .......... I'm on my way ............"