Rules Of My House

1. Food is never to be eaten at the table. It's for puzzles, flower vases and candles. In a pinch it can be used as a buffet. Acceptable places to sit and eat include the couches, the floor, or my bed.
2. If a cat is sitting on you, you are excused from getting yourself a drink or standing to hug a new arrival. You may remain seated without guilt.
3. At least one member of any dinner party must drink as much as the hostess, to avoid making her feel like a lush.
4. The coloring books are for anyone. If the mood strikes ........
5. Please make quick entrances and exits. The front door remains the last line of defense against a militarist dictator in training, my cat Maximus. You think I'm kidding.
6. The tube of red lipstick and the mirror are the guestbook.
7. Provided it's not toxic to them, feel free to feed leftovers to the pets.
8. It you say "I like this song" you MUST get up and dance.
9. No one dances alone.
10. We will talk during movies. Deal with it.
11. Feel free to change the music.
12. No stuffed animals are mistreated. Just 'cause it bothers me.
13. Please don't freak if something gets spilled or broken. It happens.
14. I purposely set up the room to NOT revolve around the tv. However well meant, suggestions on how to better achieve this affect are not solicited.
15. Solicitors welcome.
16. No delivery man is EVER given less than $5. EVER. I don't care how little is ordered.
17. If you have something strange or demented to say, please aim it directly and loudly at one of the neighbor's walls.
18. I'll jump in the pool if you will.
19. Prank callers have sanctuary here. I'll never rat you out.
20. Hugs are the prefered greeting, goodbye and sentence punctuation.