If I Was A Cop .......

......... I think the power would go to my head a little bit.

I think I'd be an ass, just 'cause I could.

I'd drive like 48 miles an hour on the freeway, so that the cars around me, while pretending not to really see me or anything wouldn't want to pass me because no one ever wants to pass a cop and so we'd all just be driving along with nonchalant looks on our faces, fiddling with the radio, driving slow as they pretended not to see me at all as they quietly hated my guts for slowing us all down, and I was inwardly laughing. Because that would be funny to me.

I'd make an extra hook or pouch or something on my belt, right next to my gun, and put tampons in it. Because seriously, who would fuck with a cop who had tampons on her belt, next to her gun?

I'd write tickets for painfully stupid bumper stickers. Of course the ticket would be thrown out by a judge, but my point would be made.

I would sew my radio into a cute little bunny stuffed animal (I worked at a teddy bear factory, I can do stuff like that) and so I'd run around listening and talking to a stuffed bunny.

I would drive around with the windows open, playing odd music as loud as I could. My Barry Manilow cd would come in handy.

I'd line up suspects and ask them to do strange things like, "lick your lips and show a little leg" or to run through some improv acting exercises, until they realized that there is no witness on the other side of the two-way glass with me.

I would put a half dozen notches on my club thingy, and refuse to explain them.

I would sing "The Song That Never Ends" all the way from arresting someone to the jail.