I am claustrophobic.
No one is more shocked that me. I had no idea.
They asked if I was claustrophobic and I said that I'd never had an problem, so I guess not.
But when they put me on that bed, I started to get scared. I did what I always do when I'm scared. I remind myself that there is no danger, I'm in capable hands.
I know full well that nothing bad is going to happen to me in that tube.
And for the first time, I lost all sense of rational control. I could not keep the panic at bay. I told the doctor that there was serious danger of me CHEWING my way out of that machine if he put me in.
The angelic nurse and kindly doctor tried everything. They gave me tips, offered to take me out after each sequence.
And I'd take a deep breath and tell myself to stop wasting these nice people's time and just get it over with. And the minute they'd start to put me in, I'd stop breathing.
At this frustrated/weepy/gasping point, was about to tell them to just take the panic button away from me, ignore the screams and do what they had to do, when they offered an open MRI and lots of drugs, if I could reschedule to this afternoon.
Like the wussy little coward I apparently am, I jumped at it. And off the bed.
So that's where I'll be at 4pm today. David will be there, and he offered to draw smiley faces on my pills. This afternoon I've been looking at pictures of open MRIs and it looks doable. Freaky, unpleasant, I will want a stiff drink when I'm done (and before, but I understand thats frowned upon), but I think I can grit my teeth and breathe through it.
would you mind saying a little prayer in your own way?
No one is more shocked that me. I had no idea.
They asked if I was claustrophobic and I said that I'd never had an problem, so I guess not.
But when they put me on that bed, I started to get scared. I did what I always do when I'm scared. I remind myself that there is no danger, I'm in capable hands.
I know full well that nothing bad is going to happen to me in that tube.
And for the first time, I lost all sense of rational control. I could not keep the panic at bay. I told the doctor that there was serious danger of me CHEWING my way out of that machine if he put me in.
The angelic nurse and kindly doctor tried everything. They gave me tips, offered to take me out after each sequence.
And I'd take a deep breath and tell myself to stop wasting these nice people's time and just get it over with. And the minute they'd start to put me in, I'd stop breathing.
At this frustrated/weepy/gasping point, was about to tell them to just take the panic button away from me, ignore the screams and do what they had to do, when they offered an open MRI and lots of drugs, if I could reschedule to this afternoon.
Like the wussy little coward I apparently am, I jumped at it. And off the bed.
So that's where I'll be at 4pm today. David will be there, and he offered to draw smiley faces on my pills. This afternoon I've been looking at pictures of open MRIs and it looks doable. Freaky, unpleasant, I will want a stiff drink when I'm done (and before, but I understand thats frowned upon), but I think I can grit my teeth and breathe through it.
would you mind saying a little prayer in your own way?
2 Comments:
I just had an MRI last week and besides being VERY LOUD it was ok. The hard part is staying still when you need to itch your nose. Maybe I should have faked being scared and got the good drugs. Don't be scared you will be fine.
VJ, this is hilarious. And no, I never expected it. But now that you've told us the truth...I can ONLY imagine!
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