I don't like MRIs.
I don't like them very much.
Ok, so after my first experience yesterday, where I reacted to the closed MRI machine like cat being pushed toward water, I was not looking forward to trying again. I spent the afternoon looking at pictures of 'open MRIs' to prepare myself. The longer I have to look at something scary, the more rational I can become. The pictures don't look scary, but of course in the pictures they don't show you all the ways they strap your head in, or how far into the machine you have to go.
No likey.
I know. There is ABSOLUTELY no rational reason to fear that machine. I know that. I never once forgot that. And telling myself that had exactly .................... no effect whatsoever. It was as if some instinct, that completely bypassed my brain, was saying, "GET OUT. NOW."
She put an aromatherapy mask over my eyes, which was fine, but when she went to strap on the catcher's mask-like head restraint, the panic welled up again. Nothing, no combination of blankets and pillows and soothing music and the smell of lavender were going to make that ok.
So finally she told me that if I was ok with the pictures being of relatively poor quality (i.e. the risk that my doctor might not be able to see what she needed and have to send me back) that she could do this sorta half-assed version, where I have no head restraints (if I promise to be deathly still) and I go in sideways.
I hated every minute of it, but by looking out the side to David, who reached in to hold my hand and tried to tell me funny stories over the sound of the machine, I could grit my teeth and remain in control of the panic.
She pulled me out at each interval, which was nice.
She gave me copy of my MRI pictures on disk, which was really nice.
Unfortunately, they're encrypted, so I can't post them.
Which is ok, 'cause it's prolly a new low in blogger exhibitionism.
So. Unless my doctor sees some thing that concerns her, that she needs a closer look at, I'M DONE.
I don't like them very much.
Ok, so after my first experience yesterday, where I reacted to the closed MRI machine like cat being pushed toward water, I was not looking forward to trying again. I spent the afternoon looking at pictures of 'open MRIs' to prepare myself. The longer I have to look at something scary, the more rational I can become. The pictures don't look scary, but of course in the pictures they don't show you all the ways they strap your head in, or how far into the machine you have to go.
No likey.
I know. There is ABSOLUTELY no rational reason to fear that machine. I know that. I never once forgot that. And telling myself that had exactly .................... no effect whatsoever. It was as if some instinct, that completely bypassed my brain, was saying, "GET OUT. NOW."
She put an aromatherapy mask over my eyes, which was fine, but when she went to strap on the catcher's mask-like head restraint, the panic welled up again. Nothing, no combination of blankets and pillows and soothing music and the smell of lavender were going to make that ok.
So finally she told me that if I was ok with the pictures being of relatively poor quality (i.e. the risk that my doctor might not be able to see what she needed and have to send me back) that she could do this sorta half-assed version, where I have no head restraints (if I promise to be deathly still) and I go in sideways.
I hated every minute of it, but by looking out the side to David, who reached in to hold my hand and tried to tell me funny stories over the sound of the machine, I could grit my teeth and remain in control of the panic.
She pulled me out at each interval, which was nice.
She gave me copy of my MRI pictures on disk, which was really nice.
Unfortunately, they're encrypted, so I can't post them.
Which is ok, 'cause it's prolly a new low in blogger exhibitionism.
So. Unless my doctor sees some thing that concerns her, that she needs a closer look at, I'M DONE.
1 Comments:
ACK!
i want a copy of mine!
i hope all is well and you never have to go in there again.
it didn't bother me, but it was really f-ing loud.
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