My Other Homie In Marketing just welcomed into the world his third son. And he anounced that he is accepting applications for babysitters.
I like red and shiny things, so I'm applying. What? His newborn son IS exquisitly lovely, but he IS red and shiny. I'm just sayin'.
Name: Valancy Jane
Address: The Postage Stamp Petting Zoo
Phone Number : 619 261 2659 (and I expect prank calls this time, OK?)
Referances:
ZezZee - She's likely to point out that I let her wear whatever she wished. No stifling her creative urges. Even if what she wanted to wear was small weapons.
Bunny's Four Boys - They will no doubt mention the hot day when I wanted them to drink more water, so I taught them the motions for tequila shots, and urged them to show their mother. "Look Mom, look what VJ taught us!" *licks back of hand, sprinkles salt, licks hand, tosses back a bit of water, then sucks on lime* Thats me. I make learning fun for the kids.
The Judge Next Door - When he adopted two two year old boys and a newborn, I was the only sitter who could bargin with the two year olds to stop playing with knives, by offering them sticks instead.
The Jr. High Kidlets - I've taught them all sorts of things their parents never had the time to expose them to, likehow to throw a punch and how to drive a car backwards through a drive-thru.
And of course, My Own Childhood BabySitters - If there is anyone who knows how creative I can be at remaining in control of the situation, it's them. There's the one I freaked out into leaving, by sneaking out and cutting off the water and power to the house while she watched a scary movie. Or the over-zealous child development major that showed up with a long list of "educational activities," I let her think I was deaf. Or the one I got fired by waiting until I knew my parents were almost home and hiding in a linen closet and letting them search for me, while the babysitter said, "REALLY, she was RIGHT HERE a minute ago, I SWEAR."
Special Skills
I like red and shiny things, so I'm applying. What? His newborn son IS exquisitly lovely, but he IS red and shiny. I'm just sayin'.
Name: Valancy Jane
Address: The Postage Stamp Petting Zoo
Phone Number : 619 261 2659 (and I expect prank calls this time, OK?)
Referances:
ZezZee - She's likely to point out that I let her wear whatever she wished. No stifling her creative urges. Even if what she wanted to wear was small weapons.
Bunny's Four Boys - They will no doubt mention the hot day when I wanted them to drink more water, so I taught them the motions for tequila shots, and urged them to show their mother. "Look Mom, look what VJ taught us!" *licks back of hand, sprinkles salt, licks hand, tosses back a bit of water, then sucks on lime* Thats me. I make learning fun for the kids.
The Judge Next Door - When he adopted two two year old boys and a newborn, I was the only sitter who could bargin with the two year olds to stop playing with knives, by offering them sticks instead.
The Jr. High Kidlets - I've taught them all sorts of things their parents never had the time to expose them to, likehow to throw a punch and how to drive a car backwards through a drive-thru.
And of course, My Own Childhood BabySitters - If there is anyone who knows how creative I can be at remaining in control of the situation, it's them. There's the one I freaked out into leaving, by sneaking out and cutting off the water and power to the house while she watched a scary movie. Or the over-zealous child development major that showed up with a long list of "educational activities," I let her think I was deaf. Or the one I got fired by waiting until I knew my parents were almost home and hiding in a linen closet and letting them search for me, while the babysitter said, "REALLY, she was RIGHT HERE a minute ago, I SWEAR."
Special Skills
- tree climbing
- funny voices for stories
- horseback riding (indoors if it rains)
- own my own petting zoo
- knows all the messed-up versions of songs, like "Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg...." for sing-a-longs
- good-sized hips for baby holding
- same height as most kids
- large collection of craft supplies on hand
- high chaos tolerance
And remember that with me, First Aid is not just a certification, it's a lifestyle.
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