Ike and VJ head up the ramp, with overnight bags over their shoulders, for their usual weekly 7 hour flight to Denver. Peaking out of VJ's bag is a corner of white tulle. The steady stream of gossip about VJ's neighbors barely pauses for nods to other members of the flight crew. They stow their bags in the usual spot, and Ike adjusts wing shaped pin on his lapel while VJ attempts to straighten the seams up the back of her nylons.
"Help, Ikey. I'm not straight."
"Can I tell people that when they ask why we aren't dating?"
"Sure. Say, Ikey, we're doing newlyweds this trip, right? That's what I packed for."
"I love it when you put it that way. Yes, I'm ready and packed to 'do newlyweds'."
"Speaking of which, that blond chick from F26 just joined that sufer-looking guy from F28 in the forward right bathroom."
"'K. One alligator, two alligator, three alligator, four alligator, five alligator, six alligator, seven - you think they're naked yet?"
"Give it just a ..................... ok. Now."
*into intercom* "Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to experience a bit of turbulance, please return to your seat immediatly."
"We're horrible."
"I know."
"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed that it was a false alarm, as we are still on the ground, please return to what you were *slight pause* doing."
Four hours later -
"Lets stop the inflight movie and tell them all that we're now going to do a brief fitness workout, and for everyone who can't participate to have their doctor's notes ready."
"Or lets make an anouncement to the owner of the two lost snakes that one of them has been located."
*practices british accent* "Welcome to Mystery Dinner Theater Airlines. We hope you have a safe trip with us and-" *mimics flipping out light switch, followed by a faint scream*
"Or we could just take their drink orders."
"Good idea. Sort of classic, really."
Upon arriving in Denver, first stop is, where else, but the ground floor west mens room.
"Hey, what's that chick doing in here?"
"Relax buddy, I'm just checking my messages. Oh, Ikey, look! Red Crayon Guy has been here!"
VJ pauses in front of a half finished tic-tac-toe game. "Look, he took his turn!
She pulls a green sharpie from her purse and makes an O on the game.
"You know, Veaj, he's gonna win."
"Yeah. I always lose at this game. ALWAYS."
VJ writes next to the game, 'Can the loser buy the winner a drink?'
"Veaj, you know like 81 men are going to read that, and show up with a red crayon for a free drink."
"I can't think of a better way to spend my christmas bonus."
"Ok."
VJ and Ike then drop their bags in their airport hotel room, change and enter a corner bar, dressed as a bride and groom. Free drinks and congrats flow. Some guy named Lowell beats VJ in a pool game, and to pay up, VJ agrees that she and Ike will name their first child, regardless of gender, after him.
A drunk woman says she can sense by their auras that VJ and Ike are meant to be together forever. VJ tells her that she personally gives it about six months.
Ike and VJ jaunt out on a rather tipsy walk, because Ike has 16 new international coins, and he always drops them in the fountain outside the children's hospital, for the kids to find.
Back at the hotel, they order on pastrami on rye sandwich and exactly 18 peanut M&Ms, which they split exactly. VJ wakes up, sleeping across the bed sideways and stumbles over to Ike's rom to steal the rest of his bottle of shampoo so that they can take back one full sealed bottle instead of two drippy, half-ful ones. Ike calls down and orders coffee sent up, because VJ isn't awake enough to think of it.
On the plane home, VJ tallys the free drinks from last night, to compare to the tally of the bar from last week where they pretended to be amish runaways. Ike tried on her veil and almost forgot to take it off before handing out the peanuts. VJ convinced a woman that putting her hand up to her temple and pushing her forefinger into the side of her head very hard, was an acupunture point that would reduce her craving to smoke while on the plane. The woman spent most of the flight looking like she was trying to shoot herself in the head.
"Help, Ikey. I'm not straight."
"Can I tell people that when they ask why we aren't dating?"
"Sure. Say, Ikey, we're doing newlyweds this trip, right? That's what I packed for."
"I love it when you put it that way. Yes, I'm ready and packed to 'do newlyweds'."
"Speaking of which, that blond chick from F26 just joined that sufer-looking guy from F28 in the forward right bathroom."
"'K. One alligator, two alligator, three alligator, four alligator, five alligator, six alligator, seven - you think they're naked yet?"
"Give it just a ..................... ok. Now."
*into intercom* "Ladies and gentlemen, we're about to experience a bit of turbulance, please return to your seat immediatly."
"We're horrible."
"I know."
"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed that it was a false alarm, as we are still on the ground, please return to what you were *slight pause* doing."
Four hours later -
"Lets stop the inflight movie and tell them all that we're now going to do a brief fitness workout, and for everyone who can't participate to have their doctor's notes ready."
"Or lets make an anouncement to the owner of the two lost snakes that one of them has been located."
*practices british accent* "Welcome to Mystery Dinner Theater Airlines. We hope you have a safe trip with us and-" *mimics flipping out light switch, followed by a faint scream*
"Or we could just take their drink orders."
"Good idea. Sort of classic, really."
Upon arriving in Denver, first stop is, where else, but the ground floor west mens room.
"Hey, what's that chick doing in here?"
"Relax buddy, I'm just checking my messages. Oh, Ikey, look! Red Crayon Guy has been here!"
VJ pauses in front of a half finished tic-tac-toe game. "Look, he took his turn!
She pulls a green sharpie from her purse and makes an O on the game.
"You know, Veaj, he's gonna win."
"Yeah. I always lose at this game. ALWAYS."
VJ writes next to the game, 'Can the loser buy the winner a drink?'
"Veaj, you know like 81 men are going to read that, and show up with a red crayon for a free drink."
"I can't think of a better way to spend my christmas bonus."
"Ok."
VJ and Ike then drop their bags in their airport hotel room, change and enter a corner bar, dressed as a bride and groom. Free drinks and congrats flow. Some guy named Lowell beats VJ in a pool game, and to pay up, VJ agrees that she and Ike will name their first child, regardless of gender, after him.
A drunk woman says she can sense by their auras that VJ and Ike are meant to be together forever. VJ tells her that she personally gives it about six months.
Ike and VJ jaunt out on a rather tipsy walk, because Ike has 16 new international coins, and he always drops them in the fountain outside the children's hospital, for the kids to find.
Back at the hotel, they order on pastrami on rye sandwich and exactly 18 peanut M&Ms, which they split exactly. VJ wakes up, sleeping across the bed sideways and stumbles over to Ike's rom to steal the rest of his bottle of shampoo so that they can take back one full sealed bottle instead of two drippy, half-ful ones. Ike calls down and orders coffee sent up, because VJ isn't awake enough to think of it.
On the plane home, VJ tallys the free drinks from last night, to compare to the tally of the bar from last week where they pretended to be amish runaways. Ike tried on her veil and almost forgot to take it off before handing out the peanuts. VJ convinced a woman that putting her hand up to her temple and pushing her forefinger into the side of her head very hard, was an acupunture point that would reduce her craving to smoke while on the plane. The woman spent most of the flight looking like she was trying to shoot herself in the head.
3 Comments:
I love this.
Take it to the next level, please. Write another installment. Make them go through something insane, like meeting Ike's extended family at a family gathering, or crossing themselves going through another life and recognizing themselves, or get them to help a ninja with something, or just going on a roadtrip and meeting crazy people along the way, including Col.
I want this to be a book.
A short story at least.
Or one more post, if you've got it in you.
You're a very strange person, you know that? Lovable, but strange.
I wouldn't use the word 'strange.' Original, yes, but strange? Bad connotations.
VJ, I loved it. Simply, simply loved it.
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