This show NEEDS me.
I'm so utterly obsessed with it now. It's not the possible presense of ghosts that amuses me so much. It's the undeniable presense of BATSHIT-CRAZY people.
Have any of you seen this? It must be seen to be believed. I swear.
Ok, so they have this really apathetic guy in the studio who says things like, "Ok, so it appears our team is in trouble, one of them has collapsed and can't breathe. Karl, can you tell use about the prizes we have for our trivia contest winners?" in the most monotone voice ever.
He also interviewed a historical expert who said with a straight face, "Oh yes, the prostitutes of this brothel were accustomed to recieving the seamen of London." I SWEAR to you, he said that.
Then there's the team. I Y the team so much I want to dance a polka with them, in the nude. They are so off their collective rockers, it's beautiful.
They go into a supposedly haunted building with a team of night vision camera men and sound guys, and a few extra 'experts' and a dog that is supposedly barking at ghosts when he stares at nothing and yaps his head off (every dog owner in the world is like, 'Huh? That's what dogs DO.') Since nothing at all happens, they are reduced to describing the atmosphere of the place, as evidence for the existense of ghosts. It becomes more or less a competition between the hosts to describe the strangest ailment, and to whip each other up in a slumber party-like atmosphere. Really, once they brought out the, however you spell it, wee-gee board, I couldn't believe they weren't wearing pjs and facial masks. Full grown men were acting like they were about to french braid each other's hair and then shriek when they saw something in the window. One man walked around taking people's tempature on different parts of their body and comparing them. "Wow. Your head is two degrees warmer than your forarm. Strange happenings here."
That's where I come in. I need to be on this show. Put me in coach! I know I can up the chaos ante right before every commercial break, I just know I can. I can make up strange afflictions, "As soon as I walked in, I could just feel this crushing pressure, as if the tops of my earlopes we're being slowly folded down......." and blame it on the ghosts. I can see tables move that no one else noticed moving. I can scream out of nowhere, whenever it starts getting boring, "I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERNAILS!!". I can run naked past the camera, my white butt glowing green in the night vision, and later claim I'd been possesed.
Pleaseohpleaseohplease. I've never in my life wanted anything so badly.
I'm so utterly obsessed with it now. It's not the possible presense of ghosts that amuses me so much. It's the undeniable presense of BATSHIT-CRAZY people.
Have any of you seen this? It must be seen to be believed. I swear.
Ok, so they have this really apathetic guy in the studio who says things like, "Ok, so it appears our team is in trouble, one of them has collapsed and can't breathe. Karl, can you tell use about the prizes we have for our trivia contest winners?" in the most monotone voice ever.
He also interviewed a historical expert who said with a straight face, "Oh yes, the prostitutes of this brothel were accustomed to recieving the seamen of London." I SWEAR to you, he said that.
Then there's the team. I Y the team so much I want to dance a polka with them, in the nude. They are so off their collective rockers, it's beautiful.
They go into a supposedly haunted building with a team of night vision camera men and sound guys, and a few extra 'experts' and a dog that is supposedly barking at ghosts when he stares at nothing and yaps his head off (every dog owner in the world is like, 'Huh? That's what dogs DO.') Since nothing at all happens, they are reduced to describing the atmosphere of the place, as evidence for the existense of ghosts. It becomes more or less a competition between the hosts to describe the strangest ailment, and to whip each other up in a slumber party-like atmosphere. Really, once they brought out the, however you spell it, wee-gee board, I couldn't believe they weren't wearing pjs and facial masks. Full grown men were acting like they were about to french braid each other's hair and then shriek when they saw something in the window. One man walked around taking people's tempature on different parts of their body and comparing them. "Wow. Your head is two degrees warmer than your forarm. Strange happenings here."
That's where I come in. I need to be on this show. Put me in coach! I know I can up the chaos ante right before every commercial break, I just know I can. I can make up strange afflictions, "As soon as I walked in, I could just feel this crushing pressure, as if the tops of my earlopes we're being slowly folded down......." and blame it on the ghosts. I can see tables move that no one else noticed moving. I can scream out of nowhere, whenever it starts getting boring, "I CAN'T FEEL MY FINGERNAILS!!". I can run naked past the camera, my white butt glowing green in the night vision, and later claim I'd been possesed.
Pleaseohpleaseohplease. I've never in my life wanted anything so badly.
2 Comments:
Some background information on Yvette Fielding, Most Haunted presenter: When I was a small child, she presented "Blue Peter", a children's television programme that showed you how to look after hamsters, learn all about the Vikings with an acoustic guitar, and make fully functional television sets out of toilet roll tubes and jam jars. Most children learned more from watching Blue Peter than they learned in eleven years of schooling. Yvette Fielding (on the right in this picture, in her Blue Peter days - http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40038000/jpg/_40038563_keatingblue_pa.jpg) was friendly, innocent and lovely. You wished she was your teacher. But she wasn't. Your teacher was austere and dull, and shouted at you for rubbing out pencil marks with your fingers, despite the fact that doing so made a lovely grey mess, and mess is educational. Everyone knows that. It's sad in ways I can't really articulate to see her looking so confidently and scientifically for ghosts. In my head she'll always be stood at the gate to true freedom of imagination and silliness.
vj you would so do that and it would be wonderful you're freaking HILAROUS I LVOE YOU AND WANT TO MARRY YOU FOR THIS POST ALONE!
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