Soliciting your thoughts.........

Ok. So I got this email from a girl at work, lets call her [Christian Coworker].

I know she's a christian, but we don't know each other very well, and we never talk about anything personal. I think that's important background info on what's to follow. I like her, but we aren't close, we aren't lunch buddies or anything. She talks about her church quite a bit, I listen. This isn't the first time I've seen her pull a very knee-jerk, judgemental reaction, but I've been more concerned with loving her as my Christian sister than with saying anything, besides, who asked me?

Then she sent me this email today.

Hi [Valancy Jane],

Please don't get me wrong, but I am just trying to be my sister's keeper. It really hurts me every time I can see your cleavage (breast).

1 Timothy 2:11-12 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

Modest - Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious. Some synonyms of modest - bashful, blushing, humble, lowly, meek, proper, reserved...

Galatians 19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

Lascivious - Given to or expressing lust.
Love, [Christian Coworker]



I know, right? Compares me to a hooker, out of 'love' for me. Yeah.............
I respond -

Dear Sister [Christian Coworker],

I prayed before I responded to this, and God and I honestly looked at this area of my life. Then I forwarded this email and my response to a very dear Christian friend, who happens to be a male, to get his take on it, in the context of knowing me.

I know you say this in love, and it in no way diminisses the love I have for you.

But when you say these things to me, it hurts me. In a matter such as this, everyone who see's the line between modesty and immodesty is going to see that line in a slightly different place. Of course this is not permission to walk around naked. Here's my standard. I have people in my life, amazing Godly people, that are my accountability partners. People that know me, and know my heart and my works and my relationship with God.

I hope you don't take offense when I say that I humbly take these people's word over yours, because it's simply a matter of them knowing me better.
And God and I decide together each morning what I wear, and my conscience is at rest.

A simple "check your mirror" or "you top is on the revealing side" would have been unsolicited advice still, but it would have been less hurtful.
I know where you are coming from, [Christian Coworker], but to send me verses comparing me to immoral woman simply because I think this is modest attire and you don't? Come on, [Christian Coworker]. That's unkind and low. You know better than to cause division between sisters in the Lord over something as petty as this. There are far better uses of our time. I could even suggest some better ways to serve me, if that's what you'd like to do. You could spend the time praying for the kids I work with at church. One of them is going through a rough time, I could give you prayer request details if you like. You could be a listening ear about my break-up with JR. The people that have done these things for me, those are the people I listen too. The people that have invested in my spiritual walk, and not just thrown criticism from the sideline.

I say, in the greatest love for you, that I asked God and my accountability partners' (one of whom was with me when I bought this dress) opinion, and not yours.

I listen to God first. If you're genuinely worried, pray to God and he'll deliver the message to me, I'm sure. We talk all the time. Like you and everyone of God's children, I can always use and welcome more prayer.

Thank you for the love expressed. I hope you understand where I am coming from.

I love you madly, Sister.
-[Valancy Jane]



Her response -

[Valancy Jane],

I don't want to argue with you because it is just not worth it and I AM really sorry if I hurt you. I still don't think that a man is the best source for an advice and will agree that God is. If I really wanted to get a human advice I would seek it from only two people: my husband and pastor, because pastors usually have a special vision that regular Christians don't have. See God doesn't want to us to be sexy; he wants us to be holy. I am not going to compare our spirituality and who has closer relationship with God, because competition is abomination to God. I will defiantly pray for you and I am sure the Lord will take care of the rest. I am sorry that you are breaking up with JR; I will pray regarding this too. I'll pray that God will you give you strength and wisdom, that he would open your eyes so you could see what He sees and to help you not to lean upon your own understanding but trust Him with all your heart. God IS the only one who knows what's best for us and I am confident that He has a special plan just for you J In addition, I'll be more than happy to pray for the kids in your church. Please do forward me the prayer request. Thx.

Love and God Bless,
[Christian Coworker]



I respond -

[Christian Coworker], I really don't feel this is an appropriate use of work email, and I have enough accountability partners in my personal life. As for the point of discussion, I couldn't agree more that it's just not worth it.
May God richly bless you.
I love you,
-[Valancy Jane]

Now, I began posting this with the idea that I wanted y'all to tell me whether or not I'm right. But somewhere along the line I realized all I wanted to hear was that she was wrong.

I briefly considered erasing this post.

Then I thought, this contains some opinions I feel strongly about. And y'all have listened to my thoughts about markers and websites and movie soundtracks, why not on something I feel strongly about?

Incidently, I think I deserve a medal for leaving such statements as "God doesn't want us to be sexy" *coughbullshitcough* and "pastors seem to have a special vision that regular christians don't have" alone.

I mean, COME ON.

[Christian Coworker] I'm sorry if the only men in your life you can trust are your husband and your wacky pastor who probably told you he has a 'special vision'.

I'm sorry this is how you feel called to spend your time.

I'm sorry that as long as you think this way, you will never have any positive effect on this world.
Truly sorry. Because I'm sure somewhere in your mixed up head, I do suspect you mean well. But .................




Oh and incidently, someone thought I was being trite and condesending by saying 'sister' and 'I love you' but I really didn't mean them in that way. I DO try to treat her as a sister and to love her. THATS what my faith is about. And I live it.