So I burned the crap out of my hand today and I'm craving oodles of sympathy because it HURTS.
But I'm not so badly hurt that I can't milk some humor from this. Telling people that I'm just the latest victim of the Evil Spilling Coffeemaker is rather boring, and makes me sound like what Tris and Lisa call a 'muppet'.
So I'm going to lie and tell each person who asks, "Why is your whole hand bandaged?" a different story.
"Well, see, I raise piranas at home, and I was feeding them and .............."
"Well, I was trying to get my bosses attention so he'd sign my timecard, but he was on the phone, so I took a letter opener and ............"
"They usually chain me to my desk, but today I managed to chew myself free..........."
"It's broken. Too many handshakes. You know how it is............."
"We got a new shredder here at the office, and ................"
"I lost an arm wrestling contest with the Carmen(the tiny little cleaning lady) ........."
"Spontaneous combustion, actually, but I mananged to put myself out with my mug of tea......."
"It's just there to hide the gang tats I got in prison............."
"Well, I was going to dress as a mummy today, but I got lazy........"
"My shirt cuff and my bracelet mated, and that bandage is the love-child.............."
"I cut myself shaving."
"Rouge venus fly trap, I don't want to talk about it." *shudder*
"Acid rain."
"I tried to cut the tags off my mattress, and the mattress fought back."
"Stigmata, but just on the one hand. You know I never get around to finishing projects."
"My flip phone bit me."
But I'm not so badly hurt that I can't milk some humor from this. Telling people that I'm just the latest victim of the Evil Spilling Coffeemaker is rather boring, and makes me sound like what Tris and Lisa call a 'muppet'.
So I'm going to lie and tell each person who asks, "Why is your whole hand bandaged?" a different story.
"Well, see, I raise piranas at home, and I was feeding them and .............."
"Well, I was trying to get my bosses attention so he'd sign my timecard, but he was on the phone, so I took a letter opener and ............"
"They usually chain me to my desk, but today I managed to chew myself free..........."
"It's broken. Too many handshakes. You know how it is............."
"We got a new shredder here at the office, and ................"
"I lost an arm wrestling contest with the Carmen(the tiny little cleaning lady) ........."
"Spontaneous combustion, actually, but I mananged to put myself out with my mug of tea......."
"It's just there to hide the gang tats I got in prison............."
"Well, I was going to dress as a mummy today, but I got lazy........"
"My shirt cuff and my bracelet mated, and that bandage is the love-child.............."
"I cut myself shaving."
"Rouge venus fly trap, I don't want to talk about it." *shudder*
"Acid rain."
"I tried to cut the tags off my mattress, and the mattress fought back."
"Stigmata, but just on the one hand. You know I never get around to finishing projects."
"My flip phone bit me."
5 Comments:
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You are not going to like the first one,
Tried to microwave the cat and he wouldn't sit still so you had to hold him down.
Caught a bullet with your bare hand.
You where doing a home experiment with some plutonium and forgot to wear gloves.
You where competing in a 300wpm speed typing competition and your hand slipped.
LOL
"Thanks for asking...yes, we *finally* had our operation! Now my sister, DJ, can work in an entirely different room! Things seem so lonely now...*sniff*"
"Badgers."
*laughs audibly into phone when she reads Nick's comment*
How about, "A giant mob of platypuses. I don't want to talk about it."?
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