Here are a few examples.
Once, my friend Lissy and I were in Denny's at about 3AM, sobering up before we went home after a night on the town. (Kidlets, usual disclaimer, drunk = bad = hangover + puking, learn from my mistakes, etc.) (And seriously, isn't that really all Denny's is good for? Sobering up on country-fried potatos and coffee?) So Lissy and I are sitting there in a booth, which happens to be next to booth full of about 8 or 9 guys that appeared to be there for the same reason. We were blatantly eavesdropping, and eventually we joined the conversation and then joined them at the booth. One of the guys kinda caught my eye, he was rather witty. Another of the guys, named (not kidding) Kip, mentioned that he worked at a movie theater and sometimes he got the whole gang into movies for free. The other guy (the one I kinda liked) asked if I wanted to join them the next time they went to a movie and I gave him my number. I'm not sure what happened to that slip of paper, because.......
Bright and early the next morning, Kip, not the guy I liked, called me and asked if I wanted to see The Patriot. I was assuming this was the group thing they mentioned, so I said, "Yes, I'd love too."
"Good," Kip replied, "Because I'm looking forward to spending the day with you."
I thought that was a bit weird, so I brought two of my own friends, Lissy and her boyfriend Jonny. I got to the theater and found Kip. Alone.
"Crap," I thought. "Somehow, I'm on a date, and I didn't know it until now."
It got worse. After Kip began introducing me to other employees as 'the girl he's dating', Jonny pulled him aside and said, "No, dude."
Kip said, "But I -"
Jonny said, "No."
Kip said, "But she-"
Jonny, "Just no, dude."
About a year and a half later, I started a new job and found that Kip was my supervisor. I didn't work there long.
When I first moved to New Mexico, to make new friends I would sit in the diner across from the college and strike up conversations with who ever struck my fancy. One night I met a fun group and we were laughing and having a good time when some other random dude walked up to me and asked if I had the time. I told him, noting that he seemed to have had a quite a few beers. He apparently took my response as an invitation to sit.
"Woah, what are ya doing, dude?" I said.
"Just wanna get to know you better."
"No thanks dude."
"Why, is this a closed party? Lighten up, sweetie. What's are we drinking to tonight?"
"First of all, you're the one drinking, not us." Think fast, VJ, I told myself. "We're celebrating my sucessful surgery."
"You look ok to me, you sick? In fact you look REALLY good, doll."
"It's not that type of surgery."
One of my new friends, bless his heart, saw where I was going and jumped in. "Yeah, Stev-I mean Stephanie. Here's to your new life."
"So what kinda surgery was it, babydoll?"
"I used to be a man." That'll do it, I thought.
"Wow." He tried to grab my chin to get a better look at my face but I elbowed him off. "They did are really good job."
Finally we had to call the police to get this guy away from me. It was either that or rough him up myself, but I don't hit drunks or women.
Once, my friend Lissy and I were in Denny's at about 3AM, sobering up before we went home after a night on the town. (Kidlets, usual disclaimer, drunk = bad = hangover + puking, learn from my mistakes, etc.) (And seriously, isn't that really all Denny's is good for? Sobering up on country-fried potatos and coffee?) So Lissy and I are sitting there in a booth, which happens to be next to booth full of about 8 or 9 guys that appeared to be there for the same reason. We were blatantly eavesdropping, and eventually we joined the conversation and then joined them at the booth. One of the guys kinda caught my eye, he was rather witty. Another of the guys, named (not kidding) Kip, mentioned that he worked at a movie theater and sometimes he got the whole gang into movies for free. The other guy (the one I kinda liked) asked if I wanted to join them the next time they went to a movie and I gave him my number. I'm not sure what happened to that slip of paper, because.......
Bright and early the next morning, Kip, not the guy I liked, called me and asked if I wanted to see The Patriot. I was assuming this was the group thing they mentioned, so I said, "Yes, I'd love too."
"Good," Kip replied, "Because I'm looking forward to spending the day with you."
I thought that was a bit weird, so I brought two of my own friends, Lissy and her boyfriend Jonny. I got to the theater and found Kip. Alone.
"Crap," I thought. "Somehow, I'm on a date, and I didn't know it until now."
It got worse. After Kip began introducing me to other employees as 'the girl he's dating', Jonny pulled him aside and said, "No, dude."
Kip said, "But I -"
Jonny said, "No."
Kip said, "But she-"
Jonny, "Just no, dude."
About a year and a half later, I started a new job and found that Kip was my supervisor. I didn't work there long.
When I first moved to New Mexico, to make new friends I would sit in the diner across from the college and strike up conversations with who ever struck my fancy. One night I met a fun group and we were laughing and having a good time when some other random dude walked up to me and asked if I had the time. I told him, noting that he seemed to have had a quite a few beers. He apparently took my response as an invitation to sit.
"Woah, what are ya doing, dude?" I said.
"Just wanna get to know you better."
"No thanks dude."
"Why, is this a closed party? Lighten up, sweetie. What's are we drinking to tonight?"
"First of all, you're the one drinking, not us." Think fast, VJ, I told myself. "We're celebrating my sucessful surgery."
"You look ok to me, you sick? In fact you look REALLY good, doll."
"It's not that type of surgery."
One of my new friends, bless his heart, saw where I was going and jumped in. "Yeah, Stev-I mean Stephanie. Here's to your new life."
"So what kinda surgery was it, babydoll?"
"I used to be a man." That'll do it, I thought.
"Wow." He tried to grab my chin to get a better look at my face but I elbowed him off. "They did are really good job."
Finally we had to call the police to get this guy away from me. It was either that or rough him up myself, but I don't hit drunks or women.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home