Thursday, February 24, 2005
Jonny's Bedtime Story by 'Rezzie and VJ.
Warning, excessive use of the word 'tit' ahead, because 'Rezzie is too lazy to type out 'Titania'.

'Rezzie says:
you want a bedtime story?
Mr Bradshaw says:
please
'Rezzie says:
veajae, how about we create one between the two of us.
Mr Bradshaw says:
with monsters
'Rezzie says:
ok, do they win, or lose?
Mr Bradshaw says:
up to you
'Rezzie says:
ok.
VJ says:
I think they are nice monsters.
'Rezzie says:
once upon a time, there were six monsters.
VJ says:
And they are named Oberon and Titania.
Mr Bradshaw says:
**listens**
'Rezzie says:
all six of them.
VJ says:
And, um, Bottom, Flute, Hermia and Lysander.
'Rezzie says:
Ok, they've just changed their names to become individuals.
VJ says:
Yes.
'Rezzie says:
So, Ob and Tit were the ring leaders.
Mr Bradshaw says:
I actually am in bed now. Laptop power.
VJ says:
And they like to ride bicycles.
'Rezzie says:
and Bot, Flu, Herm and Lys were all rather small monsters and thus like butterflies, make a story pretty withotu really changing it.
'Rezzie says:
cause this story is really about Ob and Tit.
VJ says:
Do we have to call her 'Tit'?
Mr Bradshaw says:
it's ok with me
VJ says:
She's a bit offended by that.
'Rezzie says:
and they had been bicycling... yes... for about six weeks when all of a sudden...
VJ says:
A bird flew straight into Ob's face.
'Rezzie says:
look, you made her name TITania. if it had been TaTiana...
'Rezzie says:
but then, Tatiana is Tit's identical twin....
Mr Bradshaw says:
arguing narrators. very avant garde
VJ says:
Ob ate the bird.
VJ says:
Because most birds are evil.
'Rezzie says:
Ok, so after the bird incident, Tit decided she was hungry too.
'Rezzie says:
She looked around but all she could see were Bot, Flu, Herm and Lys
VJ says:
Did she breastfeed?
'Rezzie says:
hee hee hee
'Rezzie says:
no. she resents the implication.
VJ says:
Right. Sorry.
Mr Bradshaw says:
[smiley face with glasses]
'Rezzie says:
so, Ob was gloating, because he had eaten an evil bird, when all of a sudden
'Rezzie says:
he became evil.
Mr Bradshaw says:
just like that?
VJ says:
And Tit ate him?
'Rezzie says:
because the evil bird was actually HWMNBN and when HWMNBN is injested, horrible, horrible things happen.
'Rezzie says:
well, no, because she saw what would happen if she had evil in her.
Mr Bradshaw says:
[smiley face with glasses]
'Rezzie says:
soooo she decided that she was going to get HWMNBN out of Ob.
'Rezzie says:
before it was too late.
VJ says:
So she bound him with scotch tape.
'Rezzie says:
so she went on a quest.
'Rezzie says:
(yes, and in the meantime, he was bound with scotch tape)
Mr Bradshaw says:
[smiley face with glasses]
VJ says:
A quest to find the fluffiest omlet ever.
'Rezzie says:
because everyone knows omlettes cure everything.
'Rezzie says:
especially when you eat them with a bagel.
'Rezzie says:
and tea.
VJ says:
Because omlettes are the opposite of evil.
'Rezzie says:
exactly.
VJ says:
She came to a small diner.
'Rezzie says:
is jonny still awake?
Mr Bradshaw says:
yes
'Rezzie says:
in this diner, there were waitresses on skates.
Mr Bradshaw says:
I'm captivated
VJ says:
And the waitress was a bat.
'Rezzie says:
a bat, skating.
VJ says:
And she had a smokers cough.
'Rezzie says:
her name was Scnhoooooo.
'Rezzie says:
but everyone just called her Hoo hoo.
VJ says:
And everything on the menu was swimming in oil.
VJ says:
Literally.
'Rezzie says:
So Tit decided that she wasn't hungry after all.
'Rezzie says:
and decided to resume her quest.
VJ says:
She did stop for a quick drink of silicon, however.
'Rezzie says:
and also, she made friends with a magic potato that was swimming in that oil.
'Rezzie says:
the magic potato decided to stop relaxing in oil and join her on her quest.
'Rezzie says:
yes, silicon is very rejuivinating.
VJ says:
Because everyone knows, all potatos are magic.
'Rezzie says:
exactly, exactly.
'Rezzie says:
(side note to the other narrator - we are good at this)
Mr Bradshaw says:
[confused smiley]
VJ says:
Feeling firmer, she continued on her way.
'Rezzie says:
potato in hand.
VJ says:
(sidenote- Totally!)
'Rezzie says:
ok so she came to a bridge.
'Rezzie says:
and the wise potato (everyone knows potatos are nothing if not wise) told her to bring an umbrella.
'Rezzie says:
but he didn't explain.
'Rezzie says:
(sidenote - veajae, we didn't name the magic potato)
VJ says:
Lowell.
'Rezzie says:
Lowell said "bring an umbrella. prefereably a pink one."
VJ says:
Of course, a pink one.
VJ says:
A monster named Tit could only own a PINK unbrella.
'Rezzie says:
So Tit pulled the pink umbrella in her purse (it was about half the size of veajae's and she carried half of england in it)
VJ says:
It was a LAW.
Mr Bradshaw says:
[smiley face with glasses]
'Rezzie says:
out of the purse.
VJ says:
(sidenote - my purse is not that big)
'Rezzie says:
you need it, Lowell continued, to give as an offering to the bridge troll.
'Rezzie says:
(sidenote - is too)
Mr Bradshaw says:
**SLEEPY**
'Rezzie says:
"WHAT?!" Tit replied "I have to give up my PINK umbrella!?"
VJ says:
(sidenote - its just a standard size Gap purse)
Mr Bradshaw says:
(but still listening)
'Rezzie says:
[insert different friends, objects, and tests to get to the end of the quest which is]
VJ says:
(sidenote - from now on, PINK must be spelled in all capitals)
'Rezzie says:
(sidenote- agreed, but you have a ginormous purse. is it PINK perchance?)
VJ says:
(sidenote - yes, actually. PINK and black)
'Rezzie says:
.. the end of the quest was approaching, and Ob had been taped up for a good eight, nine years
Mr Bradshaw says:
wow
'Rezzie says:
(sidenote- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH)
VJ says:
(sidenote - and small!)
Mr Bradshaw says:
hey, stick to the story
'Rezzie says:
(sidenote- HA HA HA HAH AH A HA HAAH A HAH A no it was not)
VJ says:
(sidenote - Jonny's touchy)
Mr Bradshaw says:
just in suspense, is all
Mr Bradshaw says:
it's exciting
'Rezzie says:
so, nine years later, Ob still being evil, and monsters of that size having a lifetime of usually roughly eight or nine centuries...
'Rezzie says:
(sidenote- i know eh? yeesh!)
VJ says:
Right, the story. The bridge troll was so impressed by Tits gift (or the fact that she was a Tit)...............
VJ says:
That he invited her back to his house for breakfast.
'Rezzie says:
that he decided to eat her.
'Rezzie says:
no! no wait! i take it back.
'Rezzie says:
*erases last line*
'Rezzie says:
and he served omlettes, happilly.
VJ says:
And made her the fluffiest omlette ever.
'Rezzie says:
so she took some back to Ob. It was a long, long, long meal.
'Rezzie says:
I mean, Ob was stuck for 8 or 9 years, afterall.
'Rezzie says:
(sidenote- this is my new favourite story.)
VJ says:
The moral, Men and Trolls can never resist Tits.
'Rezzie says:
(sidenote- i repeat my last sentence)
'Rezzie says:
The End.


1 Comments:

Frankly, you leave me speechless.

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