Last night I called my mother and arranged a time to meet "Prophet Bob". Tomorrow night. Dinner. She asked jokingly if I had done any research and I told her I had and that I was quite concerned. I took a deep breath and told her that he raised more red flags than I could count, that I thought she was moving far, FAR too quickly, and that I wanted better for her. I was calm, kind and specific. I really thought I was emotionally prepared for all the research, praying, and thinking to be swept aside, but when it actually happened, it stung. She had asked what I thought. I put a lot of effort, time, money and concern into my answer. I knew I had one shot and I did my best. But when she said, "Oh Sarah, you just don't understand how wonderful he is", all I could do was cry. I knew it might happen that way, in fact I honestly thought it would. But when it did.................
But after I hung up with her I realized that I should count my blessings.
1. I can always look back at that moment and realize that I did the right thing. I didn't shirk, yell or chicken out.
2. After hanging up the phone with her I realized that I had in my phone a whole address book of people who support me and love me. That I could dial any number in there (with the possible exception of Graywood Kennels, where I take my cat when I travel, but even she is very sweet) and hear a friendly, caring voice. My actual family might suck, but God has blessed me with amazing people to fill the void. My kids won't lack adopted grandparents and aunts and uncles. And I don't hurt of lack of 'family'.
3. And my favorite person was waiting for me at his house, just waiting to silently hug me and wipe tears away and hold my hand. Thank you JR.
4. I don't have to continue my parent's legacy of bad choices. I can, have already and will continue to make something better of myself.
5. I have a nice roof over my head, a nice car, enough money for all of my needs and most of my wants.
6. I have a job I enjoy, and a chance to make a difference in kids lives with my volunteer work, all in all, some good reasons to get up in the morning.
7. I have a meaningful life.
And last night as I snuggled into my nice warm bed and watched Breakfast at Tiffanys as I dozed off with a cat purring beside me, and Holly Golightly says the part about how she won't name the cat until she finds a place where things go together, I realized that my cat deserves all three of his names.
But after I hung up with her I realized that I should count my blessings.
1. I can always look back at that moment and realize that I did the right thing. I didn't shirk, yell or chicken out.
2. After hanging up the phone with her I realized that I had in my phone a whole address book of people who support me and love me. That I could dial any number in there (with the possible exception of Graywood Kennels, where I take my cat when I travel, but even she is very sweet) and hear a friendly, caring voice. My actual family might suck, but God has blessed me with amazing people to fill the void. My kids won't lack adopted grandparents and aunts and uncles. And I don't hurt of lack of 'family'.
3. And my favorite person was waiting for me at his house, just waiting to silently hug me and wipe tears away and hold my hand. Thank you JR.
4. I don't have to continue my parent's legacy of bad choices. I can, have already and will continue to make something better of myself.
5. I have a nice roof over my head, a nice car, enough money for all of my needs and most of my wants.
6. I have a job I enjoy, and a chance to make a difference in kids lives with my volunteer work, all in all, some good reasons to get up in the morning.
7. I have a meaningful life.
And last night as I snuggled into my nice warm bed and watched Breakfast at Tiffanys as I dozed off with a cat purring beside me, and Holly Golightly says the part about how she won't name the cat until she finds a place where things go together, I realized that my cat deserves all three of his names.
3 Comments:
from the sounds of it you are a happy & well adjusted person. which is a lot more than i can say for several adults that i know. it did sound like you gave it your best shot. maybe something will happen during dinner that will enlighten your mother? like flambe? good luck!
Thank you Fuzzy, I think I have a nice life too. Thanks so much for the encouragement. Maybe I could distract my mother with shiny objects while we wisk 'Prophet Bob' away and leave him in a field somewhere in Tibet.
Wow, Matthew, that really sucks. Thank you for making me realize it could have been worse. You're right, at least I'm not young enough to still be living with them or get stuck with his name.
Post a Comment
<< Home